Despite the many complex approaches to this issue, it could be possible to begin by asking ourselves really what are the reasons why, beyond the desire to be together, they lead us to the institutionalization of the company.
Well, much of the pressure to get married comes from the simple fact that being married and forming a family is considered normal, but in reality people get married because they play a role in society, by a moral and social norm that is legitimate. , we get married because society accepts us as adults and correct people.
This position places us in the perspective of social pressure, which practically leads to the obligation to establish some kind of commitment, however, it is difficult for marriage under this social pressure to succeed if we do not keep it reinforced.
How does the couple conform?
There are as many myths and beliefs as: love can do everything, if the relationship is not initially good, time improves, marriage eases society, marriage is safe for our old age, love allows us to know what the other person feels and wants, sexual life solves everything, we must sacrifice for the sake of love, the ideal partner is who will fill all aspects of his life, etc., This and many social messages credit our emotions when we fall in love ... but be in love, Although it is one of the most pleasant experiences of the human being, it can unfortunately become an obstacle to an adequate conformation of a couple since the emotions that are experienced are not sufficiently balanced and successful.
The couple relationship implies a common life project:
The union of what each one expects from life separately must be compatible. Each one of us is gifted in capacity, intelligence and individual affection at the moment of constituting this union, because this is loaded with biological, cognitive and behavioral variables since we all have characteristics that distinguish us from each other, therefore we are not equal or compatible and this leads to consider some crucial elements for the success or failure of the relationship which are derived from socio-economic characteristics, ideological formation, intellectual level and instruction of each of the members of the couple, agreement of individual and couple goals, chronological disparity and the implementation of a prototype, these indicators being able to influence negatively and / or positively in the establishment of a common and individual life project leading to the rupture of the relationship.
How do we do to stay together?
If we already went through the emotional and rational balance, the time comes to guarantee the permanence or not of the couple's relationship. There are three components that we must take into account:
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Intimacy, because every couple needs a true sense of belonging in terms of the need to share a space for both, I mean, share activities and affinities only the two to make it work. Keep the passion, which is, based on the emotional, erotic and sexual gratification of the couple. And, a crucial point, the commitment, since the fact of assuming a partner that is loved, is unquestionable that will lead them to be together despite the adversities, implies a commitment that effectively allows the culmination of a common project more than the individual projects.
The maintenance of the couple supposes to be willing to reinforcing effects that could guarantee the stability of the couple framed in the reality of their dynamics. We must understand reality as something individual so it does not always have to coincide with the reality of the other.
When the behavior of the couple does not coincide with ours, it can generate annoyance, but their behavior should not be generalized. It is necessary to empathize with the vision of our partner, so we must abandon the rigidity and inflexibility. We must negotiate with our partner, this is the appropriate way to establish a commitment to our disagreements.
It is important to manifest mutual admiration. It is a way for the couple to feel taken into account favorably and always have something nice to say about the actions that each one performs, however simple they may be, as well as gratifying ourselves sexually, since today's couple must have objective knowledge that implies the right to gratify and enjoy sex with the partner. A rewarding sexuality must be based on giving and receiving, understanding that genitality is part of sexuality, alternating both in time and space and sexual additives between both so that the sexual relationship works and is operative.
It should be noted that love changes over the years, as we move forward in the sexual dynamics with the couple, we move from the initial passion to a peer relationship, this does not mean that sexuality is lost between the parties, rather it transcends a calmer sexuality, less euphoric, but certainly with a more sentimental and rewarding expression.
Finally, and very important, to close this post, we must alternate alternating roles as a couple. The traditional scheme of marriage has lost validity in our times, so modern marriage focuses on emotional satisfaction and balanced satisfaction of sharing equally, for this reason the hierarchy within the couple, where one sends and the other obeys , it hardly works in our days. The quality of relationships on the basis of assertive and empathic communication, of alternating roles, of complementing mutual functions, of taking responsibility for each other equally and respecting the rights of each one, is the basis that makes a relationship last.
Source consulted: Clinical Counseling book, by Juan José Moles, 2nd. Edition.
