Psychological Myths and Truths: Introverts "Do not Play Well with Others!"

If you're in introverted person you may have been told — directly or indirectly — that you tend to be "anti-social" or even "difficult" to be around. Some people may insist that you are shy, even though you know you're not. You may even feel reminded of that saying I remember from childhood "Does not play well with others!"

Early Days

Already when I was a fairly young child-- maybe 7-8 years old-- I first encountered the opinion that I "did not play well with others." That I was "odd" and "cold" and even "standoffish."

Such implications can actually feel rather hurtful... and we introverts may feel like we've been "falsely accused" of being something VERY different from how we see ourselves. So how do these perceptions come about?

What does this mean? And why do people say such things? And what exactly was it that gave people the impression that I didn't "play well with others?"

Aside from being an Introvert — which surprisingly many people falsely assume means the same thing as "not liking people" there didn't seem too many reasons why I wouldn't be at least "averagely" well-liked.

I certainly wasn't "wild and out of control" like many of my peers, getting into trouble for various types of stupid behavior... so that was not the issue. I definitely didn't "run with scissors." Whereas I was definitely an introvert, I actually wasn't shy, nor afraid of people. I wasn't anti-social (as some people insisted), and I definitely liked people, even though I preferred to spend time with them one at a time.

Sensory Processing Sensitivity

Looking back on those days, however, I have come to see how... in a completely different sense... I "did not play well with others." 

When left to my own devices, I was extremely good at entertaining myself. My parents would leave me for several hours, and I was quite "creatively expressive." And in the company of one of my friends, I seemed quite outgoing and active.

But in a group, something would happen.   I stopped being the creative, expressive and rather energetic person I was when I was alone... and became quite "still," almost like a deer frozen in the headlights of a car. 

And it wasn't ANYthing to do with shyness or social anxiety. I'll try to explain, and I expect a number of readers will be able to relate... both thinking about how they were as children, and who they are as adults. You see, for me this "issue" continues to this day, although I have reached a point where I can laugh and admit that-- indeed-- I "do NOT play well with others." After a fashion, anyway...

That Feeling of Overwhelm

When I am with a group of four or more people, I often start feeling overwhelmed. It's not easy to describe how it happens, but I'll try.

I become very conscious that I start "losing" my own direction and sense of how I am feeling and thinking... and become very focused on the "reads" I get off everyone else in the group. I sense their moods, their worries, their intentions... and it feels very LOUD, even if there is actually no literal "loud activity."  Within minutes, their voices stop being separate "things" and instead become an unintelligible "word soup."

It's almost like standing next to a large waterfall, and the sound — although not unpleasant — starts to drown out normal conversation. In no time at all, multiple conversations become the waterfall; no voice is "distinctive" anymore.

My own thoughts and feelings increasingly drift into the background... and what I "remember" that I wanted to say starts feeling like it is... "uncompetitive"... with what feels like the louder voices of others. It almost feels like a "self-forgetting" of who I am, and where I fit within the group.   

Of course, when the people in the group already know me from spending time "one-on-one" with them, they seem put off by the fact that the person they thought they "otherwise" know, doesn't seem to be "present" anymore. They interpret my silence and lack of participation as "aloofness" and me thinking that I am "too good for them" (the "snobbishness" factor)... and that's where the whole "does not play well with others" idea comes from.

Not "New Age Hokum;" a Real Thing!

Now, some readers may think that the whole "feeling people's energy" and being affected by it is "hokum." And I can appreciate that-- to a degree-- because it's not scientifically measurable... YET.

But let's take a moment to explore "vibes," in a different sort of context.

Let me ask you to think about this: How often have you been somewhere, and met someone, and felt like you were getting a "bad vibe" from that person? Or you meet someone and it instantly feels like you've "always known them?" I think one of those have pretty much happened to all of us, at some point. Well, that's a prime example of "feeling someone's energy." But not all "feeling of energy" comes in the form of such obvious signs... sometimes there can be a group energy that just sits like a heavy "weight."

So, if you're an introvert and lean towards being emotionally sensitive, and feel like you can relate to this, just remember that there may be more than just "being an introvert" at play here. And know that you are RIGHT in thinking that you are not "shy" or "socially anxious," but merely overwhelmed by the energies of the group.

It's over a year old now, but back in my early days here on Steemit, I wrote about being a Highly Sensitive Person. If some of this sounds familiar, you might give that article a read, as well!

How About YOU? Are you an introvert? Have you ever been told that you "do not play well with others?" Do you feel overwhelmed by crowds, even if you're not shy or socially anxious? Have you ever heard of sensory processing sensitivity? Or being an HSP or Highly Sensitive Person? Leave a comment-- share your experiences-- be part of the conversation!

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Created at 180428 00:06 PDT