I'll take the high road, you take the low...(Narcissism and Grandiosity)

I’ll take the high road, you take the low

Not as morally superior as you think: narcissists will seek out jobs that place them in a higher position because it will keep them cloaked from feeling shame. Think about it, if you are in a lower position, you are constantly being told what to do and no one has any hesitation about telling you what’s wrong with your performance. You have to accept these things because you’re lower on the totem pole and though they may embarrass you or anger you, you deal with it because that’s what professionals do. On the other hand, a narcissist will never even put themselves in a position where they can be questioned to that degree--to do so would evoke their deep sense of shame that they feel about themselves and would be psychologically devastating for them.

You see, narcissists are actually very fragile people on the inside. They were probably abused at some point of their life (especially as a child) and had to learn a specific set of coping strategies to make sure these memories and feelings are never brought to the surface--privately or publically. Grandiosity is what the DSM calls it, but grandiosity makes you think of someone who is flamboyant, arrogant, and in-your-face with their personality. This doesn’t necessarily have to be the case. To me, grandiosity describes the position and attributes that they have accumulated in order to maintain the veil that separates them from the shame they really fear will be brought forward if they appear somehow “less than.” They are maintaining an image. It is even the case that grandiosity can paradoxically be attained by spouting off folk wisdom that makes them seem somehow profound (think of all the Hallmark sayings you hear, “It is what it is,” “Perception is reality,” etc). Bland tautologies and a basic, shallow philosophy. In the workplace, they will use their folk wisdom as a means to cultivate a consensus that they are both “one of the people” and “in control.” And they are, until the moment comes when they are confronted, challenged, or somehow inflicted with a narcissistic injury--then you will see them transform into the destructive side, the Hyde-personality, that seeks to extinguish or destroy whatever it was that brought out their inner feelings of shame.