Discovering Your Best Friend is a Psychopath

Psychopathy is invisible - most of them are not violent/criminals or serial killers like in the movies. They look just like anyone else and when you meet them, you have no idea what you're in for. They are funny, outgoing, adventurous, they are fun to spend time with because they're so charismatic and you're never bored because anything is more interesting when you are with someone who seems to be free, open and hilarious.

If you're like most of us you won't be able to pinpoint it at first, especially until you know them on more than a superficial level and realize that your bond with them isn't quite right. The way she acted sometimes when I would confide in her or tell her a problem I had was the first real sign that she wasn't really a friend that you could rely on or have deep conversations with. Everything was always going shopping, doing our hair and makeup, taking Myspace pictures. When I would bring up something of substance and depth in conversation her responses were almost robotic. They were general, vague, and not helpful and she didn't ever show empathy or a desire to help either.

I was struggling with this feeling of if I should and how I should try and distance myself from her when we learned about antisocial personality (sociopaths and psychopaths) during honors psychology. Usually I loved the class, I couldn't wait to learn everything I could but that day as my teacher flipped through the power point presentation I felt more and more sick to my stomach because I finally knew why I felt this way, each trait that came up described something I saw in her or was yet to see in the near future.

Signs You're Dealing With A Psychopath:

• Superficial Charm:

Psychopaths seem to have an immediate bond with you, this is because they're mirroring off of what they know about you to make you feel close to them. They don't come off as arrogant or fake because they are able to mirror off of whoever they are interacting with at that time. Like a chameleon none of the personalities that they use are actually their own, they mirror whoever they are trying to manipulate at that time.

For example I once had told my best friend as we were driving that one of the business streets was named after and owned by my childhood best friend (I'll call her Julie). I had moved to college and my Julie was still in the suburbs. She had just gotten in a fight with a friend that both I and the psychopathic (now ex-best friend) knew. Julie got a message from my old friend saying that she heard about the fight and that she thought that she and Julie could be friends and hang out.

I warned Julie not to hang out with her, I told her everything that she'd done, the entire novel and she ignored me anyway because "she seemed nice." I tried to tell her that she seems that way at first but once they hung out and started going clubbing together they became best friends. She told me that she was so much fun to go out with and she understood we had our issues but that she enjoyed her company and didn't think that she would do anything to hurt her. On Julie's birthday they took a party bus to the city to go bar hopping and clubbing, they had been drinking and doing cocaine when the psychopath she thought was her best friend leaned in and told her that she had always wanted to be her friend ever since I had told her years ago that her family was rich.

• Creating Chaos

Psychopaths enjoy causing and observing drama and fighting between others. They manipulate others to get them to react or lash out, for example telling someone that someone else had told them something negative about them that was never said or was taken out of context in some way.

They also will do it to you personally sometimes, the psychopath that I know did it to all of her boyfriends, she would cause fights, cheat, hurt them on purpose and then make fun of and belittle them for "overreacting."

• Pathological Liars

They will lie about anything from what they ate for breakfast to someone hurting or betraying them for your sympathy. They can't ever be counted on to tell the truth about anything for certain and they will lash out at you for over analyzing something "small" that wasn't an intentional lie.

• No Emotions or Remorse

They lie, cheat and steal and brag about it as if it brings them pleasure. My psychopath best friend told me she cheated on her boyfriend (a mutual friend) and I told him. They got back together and she cheated on him again and told me again, she didn't even ask me not to tell him. She just couldn't resist bragging about it, and not just in that relationship.

If a psychopath apologizes to you its because they still want/need something from you, not because they have any remorse for what they have done.

They have no emotions, she would say each time she dated someone how in love with them she was but that's all she said over and over. If you were to ask her to describe how he made her feel, she couldn't, she didn't. They are* incapable of feeling love and empathy like others do, they know that they are expected to behave as if they do love and empathize with others but they can't describe how it feels because they are just saying what they need to say to manipulate others and fit into society.

• You're Probably The Only One Who Knows

Whether you warn others or not is up to you but I've never had anyone listen until they saw her true colors for themselves and were betrayed by her. To everyone else she's super nice, funny, interested in them, pretty much everything you want in a friend and they will think that there's something more to the story and give them a chance anyway.

• They Are Never Startled Or Caught Off Guard

They are easily bored and enjoy risky behavior which can include drugs, promiscuity, or anything that gives them an adrenaline rush. At first you will find this appealing as they seem to always be calm and confident but truly it isn't natural to never have anxiety or fear.