Hi, guys!
Here I continue my series of posts about bipolar disorder I started right after I was diagnosed with one. Since that time a lot changed: I'm more stable, I learned to take a better care of myself, I learned also how to keep myself more stable, helping the medication. But I'm still learning, I'm still in progress. Here in this post I want to share some of my thoughts about it. Some of them may look obvious, but I'm a researcher of my inner world and everything is new for me.
What I discovered first when I started my medication was the joy of life. In last two years I realized that I don't feel it, before it also was not that good as it could be. But I really remember the moment when, after two weeks on anti depressants I woke up and felt that I'm happy to be alive and I'm happy to see the world around me. By the way, until I forget... About the world around me. This is also a kind of thing I learn to manage with. In our country everything is damn dirty. Tones of garbage everywhere, used syringes and broken bottles - everyday decoration for your walks. Inside the houses it's also horrible. I would even paint the walls inside for my own money but it will have no result - our people really love to destroy. Destroy everything that looks good, and they don't care if they litter. So I'm learning to abstract from it, I really have no other choice.
But back to the topic. When I understood that my pills work, I can feel joy, I can sleep at night and I'm no longer suicidal I had a really long and pleasant month of stabilization. I regularly visited both: my psychiatrist and psychotherapist, and became more and more like normal human. And then time for personal work came.
As I said in my previous posts dedicated to this theme I tided up my home, threw all trash away, bought plants, returned back to gym. And now I'm thinking about what else I can do to teach myself (exactly teach, cause I'm really new to it) feel better.
I decided to give up smoking my e-cigarette. But it's only a point one. I thought about more tips and tricks and understood that there's something else I can do.
I really have to stop comparing myself to the others. I don't in general, but when it comes to mental health I feel like a looser. It's enough for me to miss one day of medication to feel worse again, and when it happens, when I forget about my pills I immediately feel worse, then the others. Defective. And that's what I need to fix in my mind. Not worse, just different. And that's OK:)
I wish you all the best and will be happy if you'll support me with vote:)
Love, Inber
Странно, что ты чувствуешь себя лузером, хотя у тебя реальный талант. И годы практики, которые очевидны :)
Год назад я жила в Киеве и снимала квартиру в совковом доме. И подъезд там, конечно, был ужасен. Для сравнения в Каневе я живу в пятиэтажке, мы скидываемся на покраску подъезда регулярную (последний раз три года назад), и обычно платили уборщице по 10 или 20 гривен в месяц, но сейчас моем по очереди этаж, хотя я бы с удовольствием кому-нибудь заплатила и гораздо больше, но мне неудобно кого-нибудь оскорбить предложением помыть за меня. Это всё-таки маленький город и другие отношения. В принципе вымыть один пролёт пару раз за два месяца не тяжело.
Но в целом это интересно, что у нас в маленьком городе чище и приличнее, хотя в РФ, например, я привыкла к тому, что если выехать из города-миллионника, страх и ужас.
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Ту вроде бы и Киев, но совок прет отовсюду. И даже если дом новый - очень быстро подъезд превратится в черти-что. Ну нет у наших людей культуры совместного быта, и что бы она появилась сначала нужны массовые расстрелы, а потом смена нескольких поколений. У меня культурный шок был после поездки в Амстердам, где я три дня проходила под дождем в белых брюках и они остались белыми.
А тут вот выходишь из дома - и клиническую депрессию легко получить будучи изначально здоровым. Темень и грязь. Шприцы, бутылки. И кучки, причем не собачьи.
Лузром - не совсем правильно. Скорее пояляется ощущение "ну какого хрена мой мозг работает наизнанку".
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На мой взгляд в большом городе соседи сложнее договариваются, слишком все в своих проблемах. Усталые из-за расстояний. Чужие друг другу и зачастую временные жильцы (не собственники, а арендаторы).
На примере Петербурга, в который я переехала в 2000-ом, и в котором были страшные подъезды тогда, предположу, что для большого города всё может решить цена на нефть (зачеркнуто)... общее благосостояние, когда доля ЖКХ в расходах снижается и начинают выделяться деньги на общие улучшения, но при этом централизовано, а не по принципу "скинулись".
Хотя ЖКХ во всех странах дорого, потому что достойно всё организовать стоит того.
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В Питере я всего этого не замечала, если честно. В смысле, когда жила там. Но так как это мой родной город, то ему многое сходило с рук (с домов))))).
Если уж доконца честно у меня нет желания договариваться с соседями в принципе. И даже не потому, что они у меня либо алкаши/наркеты, либо тучные мадамы не способные к восприятию как таковому. Просто я живу в своем мире, и не порчу чужой. Живи сам и дай жить другим))
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I said with your publication by chance, after reading it I want to congratulate you, it is not easy to accept a situation like this in some social environment, I congratulate you for taking care of yourself and without blaming anything, I also congratulate you for being happy! From this moment on I follow you and you are my example to follow.
Excuse my English, I use a translator.
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Great job!
Peace.
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Fine English, it's not my native too by the way:) And thank you for kind words!
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Es digna de admiración persona que seas capaz de afrontar tus problemas y hablar de ellos, @inber. Traer tu trastorno a este post es ya un avance enorme. Creo que tus medicamentos están haciendo un milagro en ti. Esos colores y la nuevaforma de visualizar el mundo, te hace crecer y olvidar tus problemas. Y con respecto a esa última parte, es una certeza, no eres ni mejor ni peor: eres distinta. Gracias por compartir.
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I used a translator:) Thank you for kind words! <3
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Yes, you should. I'll share a little secret with you...EVERYBODY's got something going on. Perfection is an illusion. That person that looks like they've got it all together, may be the very one that's unraveling like a cheap sweater.
I understand your perception for the meds keeping you above the darkness; but, I'd love to see what would happen if you had a Mother Teresa mindset of helping others. I believe one of the biggest 'remedies' for depression is Jesus (having a spiritual relationship with a Higher Power)...helping Others who are less fortunate than yourself, (i.e. children who need help learning how to read)..and lastly, Yourself...great going to the gym...research what foods are healing/energizing and get into yoga/meditation. Btw, those caps in that order spell JOY.
I'm not promoting smoking; but, if your body craves an e-cig it knows what it needs to balance. Enjoy/savor the moment of it. The worse thing a person on a diet can do is deny self the very thing it craves. It only amplifies the issue.
Lastly, a bright/quiet yellow room might do wonders. IOW Paint even if others don't value the 'tidiness' of life. You may set the example that begins change. Clean your space even if it means picking up behind others. When you walk, don't look down at the trash, look at the beautiful sky that shows up everyday.
Kudos for doing the hard work with your therapy. Stay in the light.
Peace.
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Everything you said is valuable. But I can't agree with your mother Teresa example. When you're in crisis no matter what example do you have and how great your life actually is (by the way, I have such example in my life). Your thinking just changes together with brain chemistry, that's all. There's nothing spiritual in it, just chemistry. And it this stage you need "earth support". Then, when you're stable - yes, you can seek for things that can support you. But when you're inside the crisis you don't care about anything.
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It sounds like awareness of your stressors is serving to help maintain your well-being.
I know this risks getting me flagged, per your checklist ;+); so, I will refrain from any atta' girls...But...hey...you're a positive example for those going through.
Best regards.
Peace.
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First I read medication as meditation. )
By the way, how about meditation? Have not you tried?
In any case, I believe that working on yourself is the right thing.
I wish you success!
Удачи!
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Ох, я каждый раз для таких постов хочу сделать отдельную плашку с советами, которые не работают. Скажу кратко - это не те состояния, в которых медитация вообще возможна. Почему-то никто не предлагает ее страдающим от шизофрении как средство от галлюцинаций, биполярникам же направо и налево.
До того как попасть к врачу я в поисках помощи обращалась к одному "гуру". Хорошо, что вовремя сбежала. У нас развелось очень много людей, которые почему-то уверены, что без медицинских знаний им позволено лезть в мозги и души.
В целом я не имею ничего против медитаций, но тут надо разделять "страдашки" и болезнь, которая мешает жить. Биполярка первого типа вообще часто требует немедленной госпитализации, пока маниакальный эпизод не пройдет. У меня второго типа, и депрессивные фазы тоже требуют вмешательства со стороны вполне земных, а не высших сил:)
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Вы правы, если проблема серьёзная, то с ней надо по серьёзному разбираться.
У меня был период, когда почитав всяких гуру я думал, что всё просто и легко и есть панацея от всего. Но эйфория закончилась и всё оказалось немного не так как казалось :)
А картины у вас замечательные.
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the journey in life is not enough also if we still smoke cigarettes, therefore I strongly agree if we do not smoke make our body so much healthier and free from torture, because I think smoking is self-torture
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Believe it or not, smoking is an anxiety 'cure' for millions. For some, it's just a nasty habit; but, for others, it helps calm their focus. Smoking helps keep people med-free. I'd pray all could wean themselves of the smokes; but, if given a choice of synthetic drugs and a low-nicotine cig, I think the latter is better. Of course, jmho.
Peace.
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This is the first post Im reading about your bipolar disorder, and by reading it it really looks like this medication is doing very good work for you.
Its good to see you finds reasons to be alive, but you can also pat yourself on the back for taking your own measures. Some people expect everything to go by itself all of a sudden, but you are actively taking control. I like that and you should be proud!
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Hola amiga como siempre muy destacada excelente post, saludos
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I liked the decision you made @inber I congratulate you for your gallardia, thank you for sharing it very interesting, greetings I always support you happy night
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Dear artist @inber ! I really like the picture on this post you .. I really want to paint the picture in large size and I describe in the wall of my house .. Thank you my friend. :-D
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