It does seem that you have a strong very committed mechanism of support from your husband, your kids, your doggy, probably your friends and probably many strangers out there you don’t know. People who love and care for you, wanting the best for you.

I do personally understand the challenge and internal war for days or weeks before confronting someone or something. Not wanting too because you care, you understand how asking them to honor their commitments could impact them. So it’s a struggle, BUT, actually it does nothing for either party... and in fact kind of harms both parties to avoid facing the situation.
I am there myself, not fully honoring one of my commitments I made with friend and it’s really eating at me. And her not calling me out I’m sure is probably eating at her. In return it adds dirt to the strength of our friendship. It’s a lot of stress I feel day-by-day and when I test how I’d feel if I no longer had this situation on my back, instantly I feel a lot of relief. Even just imagining that I had faced the situation gives so much relief.
Right now I’m closing off new commitments and situations that I got myself into which seemed more exciting and appealing to me in the moments I made them so that I can face and honor this commitment that’s been on my back for a year. It’s challenging not to be avoidant, but the part that’s eating at me for being avoidant continues to get stronger than the avoidance. It must be faced! And I must do what’s necessary to do what I need to do to make it go away.

So, now before you question if this random stranger is narcissistically using your story to tell theirs, I will tell you why I’m writing and why I added a hint of personalized justification to my words.
You have power!
You have so much power, and strength as you have chosen to openly hint at your rape.
When you’re ready, and it does seem that time is coming so soon, you have the power to transform that situation into a “gift”.
That statement I just made probably angered you.
You were violate without consent, against your choice. BUT, what you do with the situation afterwards is your Choice.
And you can continue to avoid it and let it dominate your actions, your views, your life. On the other hand your loving support mechanism that comes to you and helps you in your sleep can be by your side while you admit things while awake.
Speaking it out without avoidance frees you from all you do interpersonally to hide it. And as you state it and admit it you become stronger. And as you Share it you help others. That is the “gift” I am referring to, not only your freedom from your mental imprisonment, but also in helping others from theirs as they listen to you become unbound.
Most likely, you’ve already healed from that violation physically, it is the mental/emotional that you are still scarred by. It is time to heal that as well.

I don’t know, before I come across as some jackass talking a bunch of shit and bringing up wounds I have no right to pick at, just know that I do know and much of what I just wrote to you about you I found myself also struggling to write and face about myself (much deeper than that debt story of mine I stated beforehand).