This week I processed more childhood abuse memories

These were processed in an MDMA therapy session. The memories involved being taken to a 'bath house' in London as a child and being raped with other children. We now know that this kind of organized child-abuse is common in the UK.

I wanted to share some of the drawings I made after the MDMA session. This is part of the process I use to integrate therapy sessions. This integration work was done two days after the therapy session. Here are my drawings — a short set of numbered annotations follows.

1. A wounded baby

The session began with memories of my institutional sexual assault ('circumcision') as a baby and the brutal pain of this common act of terrorism. I became aware that I had experientially 'exited' my body at the time of this assault Until this MDMA session, part of me had never returned to wholeness. Obviously, we now know that this is the precisely the unstated objective of this act of sexual violence — it forms the foundations of the multi-layered traumas that are designed by occult groups (religions) to mould citizens into subservient adults.

2. Abuse at church

I revisited the experience of being tortured in a church building in London. Again, I felt part of myself 'returning' after this memory was fully explored and processed. This session represented the second-wave of processing this particular memory.

3. The London Bathhouse

This drawing represents my experiences of being prostituted, with other children, at a London 'bath house'. Again, this is not the first time I have processed aspects of this memory in a session, but it was the first time that the full emotional effect of this trauma hit me. At this point in the session, I talked for a while with a close friend about the experience and this helped to diffuse the abreaction. Finally, I felt a peacefulness rise up in me, as this secret room was opened up to the light.

I also felt a sadness that so many children who were subjected to this same trauma may never have access to the tools that would allow them to heal from what was done to us. Obviously, power makes illegal those tools that would empower those it subjugates (MDMA) and legalized those tools that destroy lives and promote unconsciousness (alcohol). Sadly, in our society, it is against the law to heal.

4. A burning

This is a drawing of an abuser burning my hand with a car cigarette lighter after the abuse in the 'bath house'. This was an additional, and common step taken to stop me from speaking out as a child (not that anyone would have listened, given that the Prime Minister enabled pedophiles, the British Police are mostly Freemasons etc etc.

5. Safe expression of anger

During this part of the session, I reflected on a recent bit of construction work I did that involved smashing out an old shower room. I remembered (safely) expressing a lot of anger during this work and I could only now, in the MDMA session, see how it was also a means of me symbolically resolving all the anger I felt about my abuse in the bath house. I had not been completely conscious of its psychodynamic function at the time: Our minds and bodies are clever!

6. The return

This last drawing shows how my reconnection with myself as a child during these experiences allowed those shut-off parts of me to return to my adult body in the present. Perception of time can become different during this type of therapy session and it felt, experientially, that when I had left my body as a child, I had travelled into the future, into this MDMA therapy session, where I was safe in my room in the future.

My scientific interpretation of this is that the flood of emotions connected with the source trauma had finally worked their way through my nervous system and, as a result, there was the curious sensation of the abuse having happened decades ago, but the conclusion of its effect on me only resolving itself now. In other words: my body let the notes of a brutal symphony finally ring out their last chord. It's a movement I am glad has ended.

Thank you for reading. Good luck in your own therapy sessions.