Thanks, @reddust.
I'm struggling at the moment to remember exactly how to process the depth of the anger I feel. Last time I felt like this, I took a long trip by train and then screamed into the ocean. Does that sound like the right idea?
I also find my rage spilling out, but not onto entirely innocent people. However, I don't know if it's a good way to deal with it.
For example, yesterday I saw a man hurting a little girl and I wanted to kill him. But instead of killing him, I confronted him aggressively (not physically) and told him exactly what I thought about what he was doing.
He seemed to sense I was ready to kill him, so he sort of ran away, but I worry about what might happen if I confront someone who doesn't back down. I feel like I want to destroy anyone who hurts kids in front of me.
How did you let your rage go?
I let a lot of anger go in the jungle, but this latest wave, connected with the abuse by multiple men in that house in the Lake District, makes me want to explode.
I will kill anyone I catch sexually molesting a child. But not with rage, I will kill them like one steps on a cockroach.
I have been told by my teachers, who would be totally against me taking another life, even a cockroaches life, that to fight hatred you must not hate. The danger, extreme danger is becoming what you hate. You cannot help anyone if you cannot control and help yourself.
http://www.accesstoinsight.org/ptf/dhamma/sacca/sacca4/samma-samadhi/jhana.html
You need to let go of what is causing the rage. Many times we adults that have been molested can't remember the exact cause because we were subjected to violence every day.
So the method I literally stumbled over was vipassana meditation through the instructions from my first Dharma teacher. I wasn't looking for this meditation, my teacher saw that this particular meditation was the medicine I needed. It's not for everyone though. This method doesn't need memories or even words and logic. One just views the sensations on the surface of the body, memories are stored throughout the body, not just the brain. Body memories manifest through physical sensation which evoke mental sensation.
Just viewing physical sensation with pure awareness will burn away the roots of ones rage. This takes time and strong equanimity. Some say you need the 4th jhana for complete equanimity. Then one can fight if needed with an amazing clarity that cannot be used and abused by ones opponents.
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Hey, stumbled upon your posts here while looking up more things about MDMA therapy on google. I had read your stuff previously on reddit and it was helpful. This is what I currently doing from these articles (links below). To me it seems I need to feel the anger somatically and let it pass out and through the system because it was blocked as a child for me as it was unsafe to express it. I don't see how anything short of letting ourselves feel the anger won't leave us with energy being wasted pushing it back down which could instead be used instead to other more valuable things.
https://irenelyon.com/2016/08/23/anger-medicine-cure-self-sabotaging-behaviours/
http://sethlyon.com/healthy-aggression-the-way-to-un-frustrate-frustration/
http://sethlyon.com/this-is-when-its-ok-to-annihilate-somebody/
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