Sexual healing

I’m not talking about Marvin Gaye here, I’m talking about healing deep rooted sexual trauma.

There is a horrifying statistic that exists out there. A woman is more likely to be sexually assaulted than not in this day and age.

A study showed 2 out of 3 college age males admit if they thought they could get away with it they would rape a woman.

Houston we have a major fuckin’ problem here.

How do we fix such a horrifying reality?

For survivors of sexual trauma it is often that the nature of the event becomes a sexual imprint for the type of sex that is preferred as if to somehow take the power back by making it wanted. It’s the only way the mind can rationalize the body reacting and orgasming though the sex was unwanted. This can happen to men as well as women and has scarred too many people.

The best way for these people to find the pleasure in sex without the the nightmare attached is through sexual surrogacy. It’s a way to relearn how to make love and have the experience be about the open connection and blending of souls that can be a beautiful experience as much as it can be fun to fuck like animals.

Deeply connected love making has nothing to do with monogamy.

It has nothing to with promiscuity.

It has a little to with lust and a lot to do with love.

It has a lot to do with patience and surrender.

It has everything to do with respect that starts with self and is given to others.

Here’s a little science that trumps any mortality anyone might think I might thrown down. You exchange a piece of your soul with everyone you have sex with.

Science has even done research to prove this as a fact and not a debatable idea or superstition or whatever someone might try to use to avoid accepting this simple truth.

Currently in the United States if someone is paying you for sex, unless there is a camera and distribution involved it’s called prostitution and is considered to be illegal. In ancient times the role of the whore was a sacred calling of a spiritual nature that served the community in teaching how to have sex be the pleasure and bond strengthening experience it was designed to be while allowing for any kink that gets you off within limits that are healthy for the human psyche.

I look back at my own first sex and realize how fortunate I was. I was in love and made love. Not a lot of people have that in their past as the first time they had sex and too many have a memory that is an endless nightmare of sexual assault.

One of my causes is working to have sexual surrogacy become legal and to reintroduce the sacred whore to our culture. In my mind had I known at 18 that I could go to a woman to learn to be a proficient lover, I would have worried a lot less about sex. In life anytime I am not wondering about where sex will show up in my life I am a much more relaxed and chilled out man.

I might be a Shaman, but I am am still a human male with a healthy sex drive. While I might not always be monogamous I am very picky when it comes to who I am going to share a piece of my soul with.

Over the course of my life I have always had at least 6 women I am a surrogate boyfriend to. If I don’t have these women in my life I go look for them. I give them everything they need in a companion without the sex or romance. Romance in this day and age has become about possession.

“My boy friend/girl friend.”

“My husband/wife.”

“My girl/guy.”

Possession.

No one owns anyone.

We live in an age where women have been made into sex objects to a degree that too many never feel as though they are heard by any man. I often have found in life that the guidance I need and I am often seeking is how to a better father and a better man in general. I’ve often found I have received the best guidance in that area from the women in my life.

Regardless of how natural homosexuality is we are designed to couple off and create more generally speaking. Other than dolphins we are the only species on the planet that has sex for fun as well as procreation.

I’m a humanist, not a moralist. I live by one rule.

Don’t go to jail, if you like it, do it again, if not, don’t.

When it comes to sex I look at why it is I want sex beyond the fact I get horny. I look at my past and where sex has led me when patience and discernment were not exercised. I am not proud of some of the things I have done. So what, we all have that shit and it’s called learning through experience. If I didn’t like what happened that one time, do something different next time.

Bruce Lee said the that simplicity is the key to brilliance.

At this stage of my life at age 42 after being married 3 times, number 4 sounds less and less attractive all the time. It’s not that I would never live with a woman again, I merely do not need a piece of paper that tells us we own each other. It’s not that I am simply looking for someone to bump uglies with on a permanent and exclusive basis.

In mastering the art of Tantra my personal views changed quite a bit. I am not going to preach them to you, not my style. However there is an aspect of life that is not for everyone that takes a true understanding of what love is and how to live in it.

I have often said I fall in love with damn near every woman I meet. I can never pick one. In the past I felt guilty about this thing I can’t turn off that sees the beauty and potential in every woman. What makes that falling in love so unique with each is the unique rose they are. Each with their thorns from the past that created the beauty of their bloom upon our first meeting.

It’s due to this I have often said I never pick women up. Like a rose a woman is to be appreciated where she blooms best and if a replanting is needed take care of the roots that fed her and made her bloom the way she did when you met.

What is simple in statement is never so easy in living. Simple and easy rarely match up.

The human is a savage creature of instinct and emotion. Sure we have evolved and can override those base instincts and learn to manage our emotional states, however the fact that it is a fight to tame a beast shows how much of the beast still resides within each of us.

Having an occupation of spiritual sexual teacher is one that teaches students to tame that beast so that maybe we can reduce those numbers of sexual assaults and save future generations from the horror stories I have heard too many times from too many women and men alike.

It’s not a bout religion and it’s not about morality. It’s about being responsible with your flesh to be responsible with your soul to keep yourself in the best mental, physical and spiritual health regardless of your other spiritual practices. Sexual healing starts with preventative care. It starts with understanding there is nothing wrong with you and exploring who are sexually is as important as any other aspect of your being and needs to be done in a safe and supportive environment in order to ensure your own well being as well as the well being of your partners.

A lot of the charity I work I do is in assisting those with sexual trauma heal themselves. The one thing that so many of them still need is that physical lesson of what love making can be so they can perform with confidence with future partners and know what it is they are looking for when it comes to healthy sex in a healthy relationship.

Don’t go to jail.

There is a need for these kinds of teachers and healers in our world and in our country right now the need is great. This is why I am and always will be a supporter of the legalization of prostitution. I want the door open for people to get the true education they need to have the best chance at living without the horrors too many already have had to survive to reveal the strength within them. I want those who have lived through those horrors to have a better chance of healing and experiencing the beauty that connected love making can be as well as the fun of other sexual play.