So what is transference exactly?
Transference is an unconscious mechanism that typically takes place in a therapeutic setting (although it can happen in relationships as well) as it involves the client’s transferring onto his therapist feelings that stem from his past. In other words, this is projection at play. Our unhealed traumas are making us unconsciously act in such a way with our therapist as if we were giving him a role to fulfill in the unhealed story of our past.
Here’s an example to make things more concrete.
A female client has been abused by a male figure in her early childhood life. This person goes on to seek therapy in her late twenties. She starts therapy with a male therapist. They manage to develop a secure and solid therapeutic relationship throughout time. However, there comes a time when the client starts to fear significantly her therapist, although they are no tangible signs that could provide information on why she is terrified of him.
This is transference at play. The abuse the client suffered in her past (that happened with men she was close to) is making her (albeit unconsciously) fear her therapist (as he is a man as well). Transference isn’t inherently a bad thing. In fact, it can be a very positive thing if the therapist picks up on it and is able to work through it with the client.
Attraction transference. Or perhaps erotic transference Ahhh Sab’s personal favorite. Aren’t we all suckers for a good romance? Except when it happens in a therapeutic setting. But then again, this is an opportunity to get to the root of our unhealed traumas.
To put things in perspective, let’s use an example.
Ashley seeks therapy with a therapist that is male. Ashley has a history of emotional neglect that started very early on in her life. Throughout her childhood, Ashley was told, by both her parents, whenever she had an emotion, to "suck it up and be a big girl." This led her to suppress her emotions as a way to survive in the household, but it also made her believe that something was inherently wrong in herself. That she was unlovable.
When Ashley starts therapy, she feels something she has never felt before in her life: she feels heard and validated by her therapist. Over time, this makes her "fall in love " with her therapist as he is giving her the recognition and compassion she never received from her parents as a child.
