A lot of us have had to deal with difficult childhoods. We were likely spanked, hit, or beaten. If we were not physically harmed, we had our emotions killed. Our parents did not allow us to cry or express ourselves in an emotional capacity. In this regard, they failed to communicate with us; they failed to allow us to communicate with them.
Compounded by hitting, this authoritarian and pedagogical style of parenting could have wreaked havoc on a our well-being and inhibited proper brain development. What this has inevitably caused is an inability in adulthood to manage our emotions and provide our loved ones with a sense of emotional security. In other words, it dismantled our ability to communicate.
Treat Children as Humans; End the Vicious Cycle
Below are two videos (playlist) I made awhile back on this subject, but I wanted to revisit the content because it is so utterly important. If we do not internalize the importance of raising children with dignity and peace, we may be doomed to repeat the vicious cycle on the next generation...and children deserve to be loved and treated with utmost humanness. Without this humanness, we cannot have happy children or a happy world.
"The art of not experiencing feelings. A child can experience her feelings only when there is somebody there who accepts her fully, understands her, and supports her. If that person is missing, if the child must risk losing the mother's love of her substitute in order to feel, then she will repress emotions.”
― Alice Miller, The Drama of the Gifted Child: The Search for the True Self
Other References:
For your Own Good, by Alice Miller (She was a psychotherapist for 20+ years before her death)
Analysis on 5 decades of spanking research by UT Austin
Information on how yelling at children harms them
A blog I wrote with information on spanking
Sterlin Luxan is a visionary thinker, cryptocurrency junkie, connoisseur of psychology, an MDMA high priest, and the Mr. Rogers of Anarchism. He writes for bitcoin.com, runs a consultancy business in the crypto space, and is a public figure. He created the doctrine of relational anarchism and contributes to many causes in the thriving liberty ecosystem.
Thank you very much for your advice. I do not have children yet but it will help me well for later. I'll follow you because you're a very intelligent person.
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I appreciate the kind words, Izbing. I hope everyone will do the research and realize the importance of treating children in a dignified way.
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Sterlin, I'd like to send you a copy of Bob Podolsky's upcoming book "Soul-Bonding" it addresses this very issue and describes how people afflicted with this damage can be repaired. This is also what creates "the enemy within" that most of us battle with our entire lives. Life can be so much better and wouldn't be wonderful if we could make that happen as part of the awakening to Anarchy?
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I am actually glad you reminded me, Mike. I spoke with Bob recently. I need to follow up. I think he was going to try to get me a copy. Thanks for following me here, sir. I appreciate it.
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My sincere pleasure!
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It sucks to me how someone can be so screwed up from the crucial developmental years of childhood. They can truly be psychologically damaged for life because of circumstances beyond their control. That is a heartbreaking reality. My views on hitting a child strictly for disciplinary purposes has completely shifted this year, from formerly thinking that getting a spanking every once in a while is good for a child (as I was raised), but only to find out that peaceful parenting is the best way to bring forth a child who knows why they do what they do, rather than acting in fear. Nice mustache by the way.
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Yes!!! Thank you so much for reconsidering your position and adopting the peaceful method. That is truly inspirational. It is also incredibly honest of you. The evidence that spanking children and being emotionally abusive to them causes harm is now legion. So glad for your response. Wish I could upvote you a million times.
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Ofcourse! We need to reevaluate our positions in light of new knowledge, and seeing the harmful impacts that we might be having, without even knowing it. I used to think kids who were never spanked growing up turned out to be spoiled entitled brats that we see today from much of my generation, but I see now that there is actually an increase in aggressive behavior from kids when they are hit as a child. I am not a parent yet or anything. but I'm glad that my views have shifted before I had kids and could have done serious damage unknowingly.
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thanks for your words somebody have to remind very important things like this one
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How can we restore humanity again ? I am having a child next month and I hope to raise him differently than how my parents have raised me
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Good article, every parent should read this and take it seriously.
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Yet another great post for an eye opener @sterlinluxan. I'm not sure you recall my comment months back, about this same type of thing. I grew up in a home where spankings now would have been considered abuse. They were harsh, no matter what the age. I agree that how kids are treated can and will effect their childhood. There were other things going on too, but I grew up learning to not trust anyone. I never let anyone into my heart until my later adult years. My shyness made me an easy target for some, so after a few trusted moments were blown, I did not want to be around anyone.
When I became a parent, I vowed to protect my child from the same thing, but patience would run low, and I spanked him a few times when single digit age. The look on his face one day, was the last time I ever did that. I was completely crushed that I would hurt my own child. I almost turned into the person I so hoped to avoid.
He is now a teen and a great kid, and did not get scarred from what pain I caused him (because I stopped it when I did) .
On the flipside, there are kids who never get spanked, and they are downright monsters. This is where some parents are going to struggle, unfortunately.
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Damn right, great video! Upvoted & followed =)
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Children are SO much more impressionable than society gives them credit. This post reminds me of a great one written by @jrhughes about "shit our parents say" and why parents should be careful and selective about their words. (If you'd like to read her full post, you can find it here.)
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Yes, you're right...
Our childhood wasn't that great but thanks for sharing
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The purpose here is the help other people realize that so we can end the vicious cycle. Too many people still believe hurting children is acceptable and does them good. Hopefully, we can help them wake up!
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Hey, I like the point you looking at. Very impressive keep on posting. If I ever have kids I'll remember you.
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My dad would say that you are wrong. My dad also wonders why none of his adult sons will talk to him.
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There's a benefit to teaching children to endure getting bored. Focus.
Communication, aside from the opportunity windows of language acquisition, is a skill that is most likely defined by peers.
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Yes, we must treat child as human because they have all emotions like us. Thanks for the valuable post.
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Thankyou for sharing this , You Explained this Beautifully ! much appreciated! @sterlinluxan
Also this is my first type of blog in Psychology : https://steemit.com/life/@haky-speaks/types-of-bipolar-disorders
Can you share your views on?
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So what do you do when your 2 year-old wants to run keep running into the street, or keeps crying when he doesn't get what he wants, or cries from separation anxiety when you drop him off at camp?
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That is such a scary thing to have to face. Kids don't understand the dangers, especially at that age. Honestly, at that age and that happening, I don't know if I could NOT swat my sons behind. Only way I kept mine from running off, was I had bought one of those kid leashes and used it when we went places, until he learned to stay by our side.
The part about not getting what the child wants, I taught him that only good behavior can earn him something if we went shopping. Only once did I leave my cart due to tantrum. Other times he would cry a few minutes and saw I was not giving in. He loved hot wheels, so it took him a very short time to learn to control his little fits.
The anxiety cries, I totally feel your pain. It is heart wrenching to see them that way. It took mine over a month, but to ease it a bit, he would carry his favorite stuffed animal. I hope these ideas help?
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In a friendly conversation we were discussing how hard it is to raise a child. I was thinking out loud in that moment saying that I have no idea how to behave to a child because I don't know the limits of what the kid is able to understand. A woman then told me "You don't have to think of anything just treat him/her like a human being". Those words have been stuck in my mind regarding to this topic. Always nice to read your posts.
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The practice of not treating children with dignity, spanking them, not encouraging freedom of their thoughts is common in Asian countries. It's unfortunate how parents in those countries don't realize the impact it leaves in children at a later stage. At the same time, if the parents groom the unique voice of the child at an early age, they will carry the positive impact rest of the life!
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You are absolutely right so that we communicate with children and does not pressurised them thanx for the post
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