@suesa. I can fully understand what you're going through. A lot of us perceive depression as being sad, whereas in reality its this numb, empty,hollow place inside you, that you can't climb out of. I was emotionally abused as a child that had burned my self-confidence to the ground for a very long time. Till now, I have a hard time feeling emotions including love, happiness . I'm slowly recovering from it everyday, but occasionally, I relapse. Strangely, now that I realize, it has defined both my positive and negative traits, which is both terrifying and beautiful. To quote the lyrics of one of favourite songs - "Forgetting all the hurt inside
You've learned to hide so well
Pretending someone else can come
And save me from myself
I can't be who you are"
I wish you all the best in your recovery :-)
Love, xmachina
P.S. : I'll be writing on this very soon.