Jackson Mackenzie, co-founder of the online community PsychopathFree, which supports victims of communication with psychopaths and manipulators, collected five common phrases used by manipulators to undermine your independence.
- You're exaggerating everything.
Of course, we all sometimes attach too much importance to trifles. However, with the manipulators it turns out that in fact you are always wrong. Manipulators will purposely do what will make you feel paranoid. For example, flirt with the former in front of everyone, and then they will tell you what you thought and do not have to do from an elephant fly. And a month later it turns out that it was with this former you and changed.
The aim of the manipulator is to make you doubt your own intuition and feel like a fucking detective. They will constantly give you hints to make you feel anxious, and then they will accuse you of it.
- I hate drama
And at the same time around the manipulators are constantly playing dramas. First they will extol you and your wonderful character, but very soon they will get tired of it. Manipulators are pathological liars, serial fraudsters and eternal victims. Manipulators purposely arrange provocations, and when you react, they accuse you of setting up a drama that they hate so much. You will feel guilty about reacting to their disgusting behavior.
- You are too sensitive (ah)
The task of the manipulator is to provoke you to emotions. First they will praise you and sing praises, and then suddenly turn on a hard ignore without warning and reasons and will wait for your reaction. And when you react, they will blame you for being too sensitive or demanding. They will insult, downgrade and criticize you (usually as a joke, teasing), pushing your personal boundaries until you are outraged. And for your reaction they will accuse you of madness. Manipulators can make a person defenseless and insecure in themselves - for this they need only time.
- You misunderstood me (a)
Of course, in any pair there are misunderstandings and mistakes. But manipulators purposely arrange provocations. And when you react, they turn everything upside down and accuse you of the fact that you have all misunderstood it. Often they even deny saying anything. This is called "gaslighting" - when someone deliberately says or does something to then blame others for the wrong understanding (or completely deny that what was said or done at all took place). In fact, you have understood correctly. They just try to make you doubt the soundness of your mind.
- You are not in your mind / drunk / jealous / crazy about me, etc.
Labeling labels is a favorite tool of the manipulator. According to their data, all of their colleagues, former lovers, friends - either crazy, or alcoholics, or jealous and God knows who else is there. Do not hesitate, the label is already ready for you. You will become just one more in an endless cycle of idealization and depreciation, into which every unfortunate person who finds himself on their way falls.
The only way to get out of these destructive relationships is to stop all contacts. No messages, calls, emails and friendship in social networks. Otherwise, you can be sure: they will do everything possible and impossible to drive you crazy.
The good news is that if the manipulator tries to make you doubt your intuition, then it creates problems for him. Manipulators try to psychologically destroy everyone who can threaten their illusions of a normal life. Therefore, when they begin to play with you in "mind games," consider that you correctly noticed that something is wrong with them.