(This has been edited and most names have been changed.)
Sept 8th, I slept through the night till 6 am when there was shuffling upstairs. I got a little more sleep and got up at 8... and took the bus to The Gathering Church. The sermon was about being faithful stewards with our gifts. He mentioned in Numbers they read about God wiping out some ites, and said he wasn't going to answer that question in the service, but if we couldn't figure it out we could ask him afterwards. [I had recently written a note in reference to that question. -3/31/21] He talked about how people are using gifts like encouragement but don't realize how much they are already doing for God. He said the thought just popped into his head that we should pray with someone next to us, tell them how we think God is calling us to use our gift or if we don't know what it is. That is not a normal practice of that church, but it was done the last time I was there. I had just told Granny a few days ago that I was following God as he leads. I ate some of their food after the service, and a guy kept talking about a spot of hair falling out, and telling me about a South Korean woman who goes to their church. ... I saw Damon and Igor. Damon asked me if I had gotten a job yet. I told him no. He asked why, and I said my work permit hadn't arrived. He suggested I do something under the table. I brushed him off. Igor said I should be more Canadian and not dress so warmly, it was still summer. He was surprised to hear Damon tell him I wanted to work in a factory. He recommended a job killing chickens. It had warmed up considerably, and I carried my coat. I listened to Pawson without headphones. I saw a tent set up to the back of Ignite Hosana and met Laura, who said her husband Ethan was inside… Ethan, who is the pastor, gave a talk… people went out to eat. I helped set up chairs. Mila invited me to sit next to her. Ethan sat by me later and told me his daughter walked into a clothing store and got a job. He asked if I was available, and I said the work permit was still in the mail, and also clarified I had moved a couple of months ago. I said I wasn't sure I would get a SIN number. I also brought up what I had said earlier, about preferring Montreal, and said I didn't want to mislead him, that I wasn't indifferent about going to English speaking Canada or the US. That there was a reason I didn't want to be in the US. He responded hurriedly that when he first came here, people thought he was crazy. He changed the topic back to economic climates, and said he may have a contact for a government job, and asked for my email. [I was reluctant to explain to people that I am a refugee claimant from the US. I try to give a vague answer or talk about some specific reasons why I came to Canada and Montreal. It is necessary for me to be honest. Many people have pressed me on this point, Tori and her friend, the French professor, this man, and others. If I am explicit about my concerns, the standard response is gaslighting, or calling me crazy. This pastor interjected the idea of crazy out of nowhere and seemed to want to change the topic.] I gave it to him, and said it didn't hurt to get information, but I wasn't worried about it. I briefly described my experience. He asked about a CV. He said retail jobs that need French are a good way to learn it… We chatted about tech and the local linguistic demographics. I spoke to his wife a little, saying my excuse for wearing a coat was I am an American. She asked where and I said most recently Tennessee. [I explained I didn't know if I would be allowed to stay long term. She suggested I talk to immigration. She said "So you're an exploring tourist." I said I was definitely exploring.] She said there was an American who didn't have his papers in order and wasn't let back in Canada. I said Canadian orderliness was one reason I liked this country and saw it at the borders. She said the US also wants Canada to watch the border, that the two countries look out for each other. I said goodbye and left. [At this point she seems to see me as a criminal.] ... At home there were lots of people in the kitchen. I asked a woman what happened and she said the fridge wasn't cold. She was transferring food. I noticed my tomatoes had gone bad in my BLT I made yesterday.
Sept 9th, I did not sleep well. Lots of tossing and turning, I woke up at around 4:30 am and stayed awake, my heart pounding, but I didn't feel anxious. I turned on the swamp cooler to use it as a humidifier as my throat was painfully dry, even after drinking my water. I got up before 6 AM, checked the weather, got ready, grabbed food, and left. I rested on the trip. I got there around 8 am. Scott and Arthur both asked me where I had been, what I had been doing, and that I had been gone for a while. … Sunny showed up and made eyes at me. He was sitting in front of my locker when I had to put my lunch away. Some customers asked me questions in French. I was able to answer the easy ones. When I tried to speak more extensively, the woman was grimacing. Arthur thanked me for my help and told me about the event on the 19th with the muckety muck partners. He seemed to want me to come. [This would be an opportunity to trash my reputation to the industry.] I sent an email to the bike warehouse saying I wouldn't be stopping by today, but was planning to come Thu/Fri… I went to Wal-Mart and bought Emergen-C and Lemon Ginger tea. [For when I feel sick.] ... I wrote journal notes through sept 8th. ...
Sept 10th… This morning I woke up at around 3:30 am and took off my jacket. I woke around 7 but stayed in bed till 8. I called the police department and told them about the surveillance video. The woman said I didn't have a detective assigned and it could be several weeks but the officer I spoke with would call me this week to get the video. I got ready, wrote about narcissism, researched buying precious metals, and bought some at a local dealer. I had set up an account over the phone and made sure they had what I wanted in stock. I went to my bank and got things out of my safety deposit box. The girl had trouble with the lock and said it was weird. I went to the dealer and asked the woman's opinion about Gold vs Palladium… Her face lit up when she told me she was not allowed to give financial advice, that you need to be certified for that. She also said I had to pay before seeing the coins, and this was based off of me verbally describing them. I also wanted a receipt while giving the cash, she gave me 2 receipts, brought the coins, and I signed one after studying. I stopped to check my mail. No work permit, so as planned I called the IRCC. They were too busy. I looked up Mike German's book on Disruption that was released today. I saw Ellie and asked her about the fridge. She said it was just the older one. On Facebook, my sister posted a meme saying air costs money (to inflate your tires) because of inflation. I made some hot dogs. Lucas was in the kitchen but we didn't speak. ...
Sept 11th, Dreams were a little dark. [As I recall, the dreams included Arthur repeatedly asking someone to do something to him that made him scream in pain. It made me very confused whether or not I should help him, as he didn't seem to realize it was wrong. Then later, me holding baby Jade, and everything was dark, and a demon flew up in front of me and Jade was being pulled from my arms. I tried to grab her, but my arms were paralized. I had shouted Jesus! Jesus! Jesus! Jesus! And immediately it stopped. -3/31/21] I woke at around 3:30 am, 5:30 am, got up around 7:30 am. I did duolingo, but it didn't remember me finishing one lesson, so I lost the 16 day streak. There has been a strange smell of urine in the bathroom that has come and gone since I cleaned it last Saturday. It isn't apparent where it is from. Last night on Reddit the first story was if you could have your enemy's body for a day, but you couldn't kill or be killed, how could you ruin their life? Yesterday before I bought the platinum, I wrote about psychopaths and why they are that way. Today I went to the thrift store, bought a few things, and signed up to volunteer Wednesday mornings. Hannah very enthusiastically welcomed me. The language barrier is slightly apparent. It was a little unclear where I should start. I found a spot and asked if I could help. There were many little things to learn, so the woman had to keep helping me. I ate lunch there. My bags were in Hannah's office, but it was locked after lunch when I tried to get them, and the guy did not come to the door after much knocking. I got someone else and banged louder, and a man came with headphones in, talking and laughing. [I believe he was a priest. -3/31/21] I went to the office, which was also locked. He slowly went through each key maybe twice. … I also started to feel a little sick, so I took care of myself and disinfected handles in the bathroom. There were various stomps on the floor above me during this. ... I went to bed around 9:30m.
Sept 12th, I woke around 4:10 am, stayed awake around 2 hours, got up at 7:30 am, and felt very weak. I saw the bus pass as I ran to it. I checked google maps, but couldn't connect with data on. I saw Sean on the way. Sean says he didn't see me last week, at first I say I wasn't here, but wasn't sure. I checked. I was and told him. He meant he didn't see me two weeks ago. [This has the effect of testing my memory or trying to make it seem as though I do not have a very accurate one, which would be a strike against my credibility.] Eleanor asked how I was. I said iffy. Christopher said if I am not feeling good I could take breaks and drink tea. Eleanor sets me up with the air hose which she says will keep detaching. [The thing I had reacted to the last time.] She says she has boring jobs for me. I test inner tubes. The hose comes loose. Christopher says I passed the first test and didn't have a heart attack. Eleanor gives me more parts to sort. Everyone else is doing bike repairs. Rachel asks if I'm going tomorrow and if I'm excited. I cut my arm and wash it. Sean leaves his bike in front of the door blocking me in. ... Hudson asks me if I have a bike, and if I would like one. I ask about riding in the winter. He tells me baklava, strong moisturizer and chapstick for the face, and a windshield on the hands. [Also a good base layer, which I reacted to a little. -3/31/21] He gives me a Facebook group with workshops. Riley asks where I'm from and what state. I note Americans don't ask Canadians which province. Another guy asks me if I speak Spanish. Other people here do. Hudson also asks me what Virginia was like, if I liked to hike, and if I was from a small or big town. He persistently came back with more organizations for me to look up. The hose kept coming off throughout the day. I went to the conference room to have lunch by myself and write in my journal. I saw Sean in the hall, who later came in and had lunch with me. [I think I was concealing the journal from him and then he comes in. -3/31/21] I didn't speak to him much. After lunch, Eleanor was busy, so I went and told this to Mathias and asked if I could help him. Eleanor comes in and says she was busy having lunch, and tries to find something for me to do, but gives me disassembling. I do what I can, and Mathias has to help me with the rest. I stopped by BAnQ and read a little and went home, found my carrots moldy, so I saved what I could and did some cooking. Easton said bonsoire and cooked as well as another guy. I noticed a spot on my floor that looks like it has been impacted from above, but I don't know what could have done that. Also a few days ago when I went to my bank, the second guy to open the lock on the safety deposit box said it was weird as well.
Friday, Sept 13th, About the safety deposit box, the guy said if it keeps acting up they can just get me a new one. I woke around 1 am... then around 6:30 am, and stayed in bed till 7:45 am. I wrote about narcissists on the way. Yesterday I helped a little girl who fell at the end of the escalator. Today on the way, a man stuck his head in the subway doors as it was closing and I gasped. I arrived at the bike shop a little early, Henry asked me if I remembered his name and I did. I told him I was from the South Shore, but later he asked again if I was from "all over Montreal." I said South Shore, and he was wondering about the city. I said Longueuil. He started to show me around. I said "Two things:" one, I didn't exactly live in Longueuil, or I wasn't sure, the second I was feeling a little under the weather, but I assured him I washed my hands before shaking his. He got me gloves and asked what I said about the city. We agreed Longueuil was an agglomeration / region. He didn't seem to know what to tell me to do, but said no pressure, it's about learning. I picked the first bike. He hands me an inspection list in French. My google translate doesn't work on my phone. I tried to remember how to check the brakes. … Jaxson was there as well, very enthusiastic. Henry showed me how to true a wheel, then we took a break. I microwaved my cans of chicken noodle soup, using my can opener. Richard asked me what I would have for [dinner], as though I looked homeless. I told him I didn't know how to cook a lot. The boys talked a lot in French. When I got back I trued the wheel and translated the inspection list mostly. ... I helped Jaxson find a quick release and got him a stool which he was asking for. I cleaned up a little and told Henry I was thinking of coming next Friday, for which he seemed happy. On the way back there were some amazing violinists in the subway. I went home, then checked my mail. Nothing. Then bought food. There was a girl who almost backed her car up into another before I shopped. I shouted at her to warn her. There was the homeless guy I saw before. I doubled back and gave him an apple, warning him I was a little sick. He said he was in good health. When I got back Lucas held the front door open for me.
Sept 14th, I woke at around 3 and 6, a bang after I woke. I ... went to the Tiny House festival. Before leaving I saved a story on Edward Snowden and how he has a good life with his wife. Tor guard was off… I saw Tiffany and a boy from the bike warehouse at a table. They were surprised to see me, and I told them I was there for the Tiny House Festival. I went to many tables, which were about many green things. I got to practice CPR and ask questions. I took a lot of info, and got to go inside two tiny houses and take pictures. I told the boy from the bike warehouse about it and left. ... I changed into my scrubs [which are low cut]. I did laundry and while waiting for the dryer to finish, Carl comes in and asks if I have 25 cents. I bend down sideways. He opens the door to someone else's clothes in the washing machine. I say that's not mine. He says it's fine. [He had no clothes with him. He came almost at the end of my time drying clothes.] Had I bent forward towards him, he could have looked down my shirt, which I could have done getting the change. [Carl’s actions, both asking for the change and slamming the door for no other conceivable reason other than to get me to move so he could get a better look at my breasts, suggests that his motive in coming to the laundry room was for sexual gratification. The fact he came almost near the end suggests he was conflicted about whether he should come. There also wasn’t any associated mocking or threatening, meaning this was not meant to harass me, but for his own personal reasons. Apparently, his sexual impulses won out. There is no surveillance camera in the laundry room, or not apparently, meaning there is a hidden camera that Carl had access to, and was using to watch me. He came to the laundry room with change in his hand, meaning he expected someone to be there with change (I had my bag). The laundry room is an unusual place for the average pervert to spend their time watching, suggesting that Carl was doing so as an “investigator." -3/17/20] I cleaned my room and bathroom and listened to a great Pawsom sermon on the Holy Spirit in Ephesians. At the festival, I was in the first [tiny] house, and a boy came in. He was taking pictures. I told him the view was good from here, but he nervously said "That's okay" and left before I took a picture from there. When I checked Facebook there was an ad talking about how you can make choices based off of curiosity and passion and not so much fear. [Tiny houses was my declared political strategy in bringing about a freer world at Porcfest. While Mesh networks appear to be the triggering reason I was put under investigation, I have clarified that my focus was tiny houses. It seems to me that I was expected to be afraid of returning to the topic. -3/17/20]