Great Quotes from Great People #62: George CarlinsteemCreated with Sketch.

in quotesfromgreats •  7 years ago 

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The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept.

George Carlin

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7 years ago by

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      ·  7 years ago 

    Religion has actually convinced people that there's an invisible man living in the sky who watches everything you do, every minute of every day. And the invisible man has a special list of ten things he does not want you to do. And if you do any of these ten things, he has a special place, full of fire and smoke and burning and torture and anguish, where he will send you to live and suffer and burn and choke and scream and cry forever and ever 'til the end of time!

    But He loves you. He loves you, and He needs money! He always needs money! He's all-powerful, all-perfect, all-knowing, and all-wise, somehow just can't handle money!

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      ·  7 years ago 

    The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends. I mean, life is tough. It takes up a lot of your time. What do you get at the end of it? A Death! What’s that, a bonus? I think the life cycle is all backwards. You should die first, get it out of the way. Then you live in an old age home. You get kicked out when you’re too young, you get a gold watch, you go to work. You work forty years until you’re young enough to enjoy your retirement. You do drugs, alcohol, you party, you get ready for high school. You go to grade school, you become a kid, you play, you have no responsibilities, you become a little baby, you go back into the womb, you spend your last nine months floating …and you finish off as an orgasm.

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      ·  7 years ago 

    Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.

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      ·  7 years ago 

    I don't like ass kissers, flag wavers or team players. I like people who buck the system. Individualists. I often warn people: "Somewhere along the way, someone is going to tell you, 'There is no "I" in team.' What you should tell them is, 'Maybe not. But there is an "I" in independence, individuality and integrity.'" Avoid teams at all cost. Keep your circle small. Never join a group that has a name. If they say, "We're the So-and-Sos," take a walk. And if, somehow, you must join, if it's unavoidable, such as a union or a trade association, go ahead and join. But don't participate; it will be your death. And if they tell you you're not a team player, congratulate them on being observant.

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      ·  7 years ago 

    He - and if there is a God, I am convinced he is a he, because no woman could or would ever fuck things up this badly.

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      ·  7 years ago 

    The planet is fine. The people are fucked.

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      ·  7 years ago 

    Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.

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      ·  7 years ago 

    That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.

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      ·  7 years ago 

    Some people see things that are and ask, Why?
    Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not?
    Some people have to go to work and don't have time for all that.

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      ·  7 years ago 

    We're so self-important. So arrogant. Everybody's going to save something now. Save the trees, save the bees, save the whales, save the snails. And the supreme arrogance? Save the planet! Are these people kidding? Save the planet? We don't even know how to take care of ourselves; we haven't learned how to care for one another. We're gonna save the fuckin' planet? . . . And, by the way, there's nothing wrong with the planet in the first place. The planet is fine. The people are fucked! Compared with the people, the planet is doin' great. It's been here over four billion years . . . The planet isn't goin' anywhere, folks. We are! We're goin' away. Pack your shit, we're goin' away. And we won't leave much of a trace. Thank God for that. Nothing left. Maybe a little Styrofoam. The planet will be here, and we'll be gone. Another failed mutation; another closed-end biological mistake.

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      ·  7 years ago 

    Religion is like a pair of shoes.....Find one that fits for you, but don't make me wear your shoes.

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