Stop saying 'racist' all the time

I'm a golden brown Pakistani male living in Norway, and I've never experienced racism.

Well, not really. I think. My bar for calling anyone a racist is quite high, and it's only getting higher. It gets a notch higher every time I hear anyone else use the term, because I can never seem to figure out what they mean by it.

But, if my bar was lower, a lot lower, I'd probably manage to think of a few incidences were I might've been the victim of racial discrimination.

One time at the movies in my teens comes to mind - I'm 26 these days. Me, my brother and a Pakistani friend found our seats and sat down next to a middle aged white couple. They stood up, and sat down a few rows down.

My fellow not golden but still brown Pakistanis instantly flared up calling them racist. My bar, or perhaps naïveté as some would say, being as high as it was, I thought and still think that the couple just didn't want to sit with a bunch of noisy teens. What's wrong with that? And, even if they were racist, it didn't really cost me anything that they moved away.

Neither did that episode last week on the bus, where a man moved away from me just to go stand a few feet away. He was not white, but brown as black. He looked indian. That would make sense, at least. Anyway, I didn't mind. So what if he moved away? Probably didn't like my face, which is perfectly legal.

I wonder if racism has ever cost me something. It's hard to know. Yeah, we can talk statistics, and you can put me in a group and throw averages my way. Sure, in that sense racism is probably costing me something. But, I'm trying to think of specifics. Have I ever paid a price, a racist price, for being a golden brown Pakistani?

I thinks so, but it's probably not what you'd expect.

In a silly sense, I've probably been bereft of a few hot lady friends who told me they only date white guys. That didn't really strike me as racist, but just a matter of taste. Still think so. But, what if they had said that they only hire white guys? People say that's totally different. Sure, whatever.

In other cases, I've felt discriminated against by apartment listings that read "only for girls." I believe that's fine, and so do a lot of people. You should be able to rent or not whomever. But the tune might be different if it said "only for whites." That would raise hell, wouldn't it?

For me it would be the same, but in one case it's okay for people and in the other case it's not. So the fact that I'm being discriminated against and disadvantaged is in itself unproblematic, it seems, and it's the reason that somebody might give that might actually bother people? I don't get it, not really.

But in a more serious sense, yes, I have been paying a price for being this golden brown.

See, I really value a great conversation about important stuff.

So when I hear, over and over again, from a lot of my white friends that they are too afraid to discuss a series of topics with me, too afraid they'll say something wrong and be labeled racist, friends who I know have great minds and important thoughts that I might not get to hear, then I get mad.

The greatest cost of being a Pakistani is people not sharing their thoughts with you because they're afraid to offend you. I blame this situation on people who shout racist willy nilly. You have cost me greatly.

Some of you are Pakistanis yourself, who are just too fucking sensitive, while the rest of you are white people trying too hard to be champions of some cause. You are both costing me. You are destroying the conversation.

And it's by conversation and conversation alone that we'll get anywhere. So stop making people afraid too offend me. I can work with ignorant statements. I cannot work with fear. So don't think you're doing me any favours by "standing up" for me. You're just making things worse. Just stop it.

Please and thanks,

Nadeem.