Until it didnt

Fear of rejection so she closes herself off.
Fear of pain so she tries to feel nothing for most people.
Fear of not being in complete control so she pushes anyone who attempts to love her away
Mostly though the fear was of the unknown so she stuck to her predictable schedule not allowing anyone to disrupt it and it worked until it didn't.

Auto piloting her life worked for her with only enough time to remind her family she loved them incase one day her autopilot ripped apart her life, her soul being, herself.
Auto piloting her life worked, until it didn't

She feared love for in the past it had betrayed her once. She loved someone with her all and it was so hard and ultimately broke her to the point she will never fully recover.
At first she felt numb she didn't see the darkness coming or maybe she did but didn't have the strength to fight it off whatever the reason she gave in to the pain and became only a shell of who she once was.

Fear to rejoin the outside world after weeks of isolation incase all he ever said to her was true...
Fear she was to ugly, stupid, crazy and unlovable to anyone but him.
Fear she wasn't good enough for anyone else.
Insult after insult plagued her mind every night when the world was quiet.
Him being there helped silence it all, until it didn't.

Eventually the voices got angry and brought back other pains so just as easily as they faded they came back and she remembered his shaft touching her inner thigh and even at 4 years old she felt so dirty and would continue to for 4 more years.

Fear to trust for she was abused by them all.
Mentally, physically, emotionally and sexually.
Fear to believe for she was lied to by all.
I love you, I'll stay, I'll never leave.
Fear to talk for she was ignored by all.
Shut up stupid, just fuck up, whatever you dumb bitch.
Fear to be honest for she was constantly rejected by all.
I don't want you, your unlovable, your worthless.

All she wanted was something, anything to work and it did, until it didn't.