My name is Mu Hongxia, from Fuyu County, Heilongjiang, I am 50 years old, and I am looking for my son Bai Guangqing.
On February 8, 2001, which is also the sixteenth day of the first lunar month, my sky fell because my son disappeared!
What is even more regrettable is that the moment before my son disappeared, he ran to me for help, but I was busy cooking and turned a blind eye to his abnormal behavior.
And then I missed the important clue, which led to missing the best time to find it. For the next 22 years, I lived in regret every day, regretting not confronting that gambler face to face!
(The photo of the son before his disappearance)
In 1972, I was born in a village in Fuhai Town, Fuyu County, Heilongjiang Province. There are three older sisters and one older brother, and I am the youngest. His father is a rural doctor, and his mother is mainly responsible for housework and farm work.
Although my father's job was decent, but the income was not much, and our family had many children, so life was not rich.
In the second semester of junior high school, several students in our class dropped out of school, and I also planned to drop out of school. After my parents knew about it, they disagreed very much. I didn't listen to their persuasion, and still chose to drop out of school.
In 1990, the county wanted to train a group of midwives to serve the countryside. After my father heard the news, he immediately signed up for me.
After studying in the county courtyard for two years, I went back to work in the village. Our village consists of 5 villages with a relatively large population. After starting this job, most people in the village knew me.
During the Spring Festival of 1997, an enthusiastic aunt introduced me to a partner, who is now my husband Bai Linchen.
Although he and I are not in the same village, we are only two miles apart. We were about the same age, and we knew each other before, but in the past few years, he went to work in Tianjin.
Some people say that matchmaking is exactly what parents want. A few days later, with the help of a matchmaker, we met and both parents knew each other well. Two months later, we got married.
(lovely son)
After living at home for a month, I followed my husband to Tianjin. He and his uncle live in the compound of Fujin Plywood Factory at the junction of Jiefang Road and Yujiang Road, Hexi District, Tianjin, and her husband also works in the plywood factory.
At that time, I was just pregnant with Qingqing, so I didn't look for a job anymore. My husband works in the factory, and I stay at home to support the baby. As the due date approached, in order to save money, we returned to our hometown in Northeast China.
When the child was five months old, I returned to Tianjin with my husband, and I still lived in the original bungalow. My husband goes to work, and I watch the kids and do housework. Although life is not very affluent, it is no problem to have enough food and clothing.
The people living in that courtyard are very complicated, most of them are foreigners, including Gansu, Hebei and other places, and only 4 households are from Tianjin. Because I am usually talkative and easy-going, I have a good relationship with those Tianjin households.
(Son is a few months old)
After the child was older, he often went to the neighbor's house to play alone. Later, when my husband’s work unit was in a downturn, several of his colleagues came out to start small businesses. At the end of 1999, he also rented a front house outside, selling plywood, sandwich panels and other decoration materials.
In 2001, I wanted to take my son back to my hometown for the New Year, but because the business was not good and I didn’t make any money, I didn’t go back.
It was this decision that caused Qingqing to say goodbye to me for 22 years, and has not reappeared until now.
On February 8th, which is the 16th day of the first lunar month, around 9:00 a.m., people from the police station came to check the temporary residence permit. Others in the yard hid elsewhere early, but we couldn't make it because our child got up late.
The staff asked for my husband's photo and said it was for formalities. While I was looking for photos, Qingqing woke up and started crying. When the other party saw it, he only asked a few words and left, and her husband rushed to the store to open for business.
(Son is very pleasing)
I just put the photo on the table by the way, Qingqing saw Dad's photo, he was so rare, who knew that after a while, he tore it up.
At that time, it was not easy to take a picture, and it cost money. I was very angry and scolded him and he started crying. Crying made me upset, and I slapped him twice on the buttocks, crying even harder this time.
It happened that the sewing box was on the table, so I threatened him with a needle and said that if he cries again, he will pierce his mouth. But he kept crying, and he cried for a while, and I was too anxious, and no one could finish that breakfast.
After a while, I stopped crying and wanted to give him something to eat. He shook his head and said no, then I held him and watched TV for a while.
After watching for two minutes, he said: "Mom, I'm sleepy, I'm sleepy." It was 11:00 noon, and I didn't have breakfast, so I wanted him to eat something before going to bed. So, I started busy cooking.
At this time, Qingqing ran outside the door and rode his small tricycle, and he could be seen through the window.
(I hold my son)
I looked up at him while I was cooking, and when I was turning over the vegetables, I heard the sound of a car, and then I saw my son throwing down the tricycle and running home in panic.
I didn't have any vigilance, and I didn't realize what my son was going through, let alone how hopeless I would experience in the future.
At that time, I thought my son was running to hide from the car, but he didn't know that he was running for his life! Thinking about it now, he might have been kidnapped into a car and taken away. But why I was so stupid at the time, I never thought of it.
I bowed my head while cooking, and didn't care where my son went. After putting the dishes on the plate and cleaning up the stove, I realized that my son was gone. I shouted "Qingqing" while running, and when I got to the back of the house, not only did I not see the car, but my son disappeared without a trace.
In 10 minutes, my son was lost right under my nose? I couldn't believe it, I was so nervous that I was shaking, but I had to force myself to calm down.
At that moment, I really regretted that my son was indifferent when he ran towards me. He must have realized the danger at that time.
(on the way to find relatives)
But I lost my mind, and started yelling like a lunatic, looking for houses one by one. Because of checking temporary residence permits, many foreigners' homes were locked.
Seeing a house with the door open, I rushed in and asked, but the other party said they hadn't seen or heard anything. I was at a loss for a moment, tears streaming down my face. Suddenly, I remembered Wang who was raising pigs in a neighboring family, so I hurried to knock on the door of his house.
It was his wife, Sister Cheng, who opened the door. I asked her if Qingqing came to play? She said no, and comforted me not to worry, maybe Wang took the child to play.
Now I regret that I didn't go into her room to have a look. Because her husband, Wang, loves to hug my son when he has nothing to do, and even hid him once.
The son has a sweet mouth, and Wang often teases him. Once when Qingqing was walking on the road, Wang met him and took him home. After about two minutes, I went to his house to look for him, but he said that Qingqing didn't go to his house.
(I play with my son in the park)
In fact, that day, I followed my son all the time, and there happened to be a tree blocking it. Wang didn't see me, but I saw everything clearly.
Finally, he found his hidden son on the side of his sofa and beside the bed. Afterwards, I asked my son why he didn't speak, and he said that Wang didn't let him make a sound.
Wang lost tens of thousands of dollars in gambling, and several families in our area knew about it. But I was in a panic at the time, and I didn't have enough brains, so I didn't think of going into her room to have a look. I really regretted it.
Later, I searched around the yard again, but there was still nothing. As if I had lost my soul, I found a public phone booth and called my husband tremblingly.
My husband's first reaction was that he didn't believe it, so he asked me to keep looking. In a few minutes, he and a few colleagues rushed over. The uncle also came back at this time, and called his brothers and sisters. The neighbors also came, and Sister Cheng, but Wang was nowhere to be seen. Every house was searched again, but nothing was found.
There is a small river behind our house, so the uncle made a hook and fished it in the river to see if it fell into the river.
Brothers and sisters went to the train station and bus station to look for them.
My husband and I went to the police station to report the case, but the police said that it would not be accepted within 24 hours. I told the police again about Wang, but they said that there was no evidence and they could not arrest people casually.
We didn't get help, so we had to go to the passenger station again, and stayed there for two days during the day and night, but we didn't find anything. My husband and elder brother went to Tianjin TV station to make missing person announcements, and they broadcast it in turn for several days, but there was no result. The uncle went to Wang's house with his neighbors to inquire about the situation, but found nothing.
A few days later, my brother and sister asked me, did I offend someone?
It suddenly occurred to me that if I wanted to offend someone, years ago, I carried my son to my husband’s store to play, only to find that he was playing cards with several people. I was very angry and called the police.
(husband and son)
After my husband came home, he scolded me, saying that I didn't give him face. I didn't think about it the next day, and I don't know who really called the police. Those who played cards were all arrested and fined some money. When my husband got home, he was so angry that he threw plates and bowls, calling me a crow's mouth, and we had a fight because of this.
In fact, what I said was all angry words, and I really didn't call the police. Could it be for this that they held a grudge and took my son away? We also told the police about these things, and they investigated, but they didn't find any results in the end.
Later, we inquired at the bus station and train station, and ran for more than half a month, but there was no result at all. After March, my husband transferred the store, and I was like a crazy person, walking along the river every day, hoping that my son would appear in front of me.
My uncle saw me wandering by the river every day, worried that I would commit suicide, so he told my cousin. My cousin took us to her house to live for half a month. She felt that there was no way, so she rented a house outside.
(Volunteers help us with publicity)
If the child is lost, my husband must be angry, and he must hate me to death. He stopped doing business and didn't look for a job, so he just lay down at home, didn't say anything, only sulked.
I didn't dare to say anything, so I had no choice but to go out and find a job, which cost three or four hundred yuan a month, barely making ends meet.
Every time he gets off work, he has finished the meal, but he still doesn't say anything, and he doesn't respond to me if he doesn't complain. I know that he must hate me to death. In fact, I am also very sad, so I can only vent my emotions secretly by crying.
Thinking about being angry with my son that day, I really regret it. I'm really not a good mother, because I lost my son because of carelessness.
For countless days and nights, I always regretted why I saw my son running over in panic, but didn't go out to have a look, why didn't I comfort him in time?
I also regret not asking Wang to find out if he conspired with others to kidnap Qingqing. Now he has passed away long ago, and Sister Cheng is nowhere to be seen.
(Volunteers wear family-hunting clothes to help us publicize)
I really regret it! But there is no regret medicine to sell in this world, I can only live in endless regret.
My husband didn't talk about looking for a child, and I didn't know where to look for it myself. We just ignored each other, like strangers, and we were really depressed in those few years.
My parents called me and advised me: "You can't do this all the time, you have to live on, and have another child while you are young!"
As soon as I heard my parents' voices, I couldn't control myself and kept crying while holding the phone. There are regrets, bitterness, and unspeakable grievances in the tears.
Qingqing, I'm sorry, my mother really didn't mean to lose you, I really hope that time can turn back and let me be your mother again.
After listening to my parents' persuasion, on January 3, 2007, my youngest son was born. From the loss of Qingqing to the birth of my second child, I have not been back to my hometown in Northeast China for 7 years.
Because I don't have the face to face my in-laws and parents, I'm afraid of their accusations, let alone their comfort, I still can't forgive myself.
(Thanks to volunteers for their selfless help)
In the past 7 years, I spent every day in self-blame and pain, like a walking dead. I have no friends, and I never visit. I lived in a community in Tianjin for many years, and I was like a transparent person. Almost no one knew me, and no one knew about the loss of my child.
After the birth of my youngest son, I went back to my natal family for the first time, but my family no longer knew me. Because I am thin and out of shape, and I am depressed all the year round, so I have no energy, and I am not a human being.
My mother couldn't help crying when she saw me like this. Looking at my old mother, thinking about the bitterness of these years, I couldn't help crying.
After returning to my family and my youngest son growing up slowly, our family has regained a little vitality. The children's frowns and smiles also brought us laughter.
But the yearning for Qingqing became more and more intense. In 2014, my niece told me that China Central Television had a family-finding program and asked me to pay attention.
(I celebrate my two sons' birthdays)
As soon as I heard it, I immediately regained my energy and gave the information to my niece. But the staff said there was too little information, and asked me if there were any marks on Qingqing? I'm careless, I really didn't pay attention to whether there was a birthmark on his body. In the end, I had no choice but to let it go.
In 2015, Wang Yujia, a kid who fights kidnapping in Tianjin, knew my story, so he pulled me into a group. I just learned that there are so many families who have lost their children in this world, and they are suffering every day just like me.
There is also a volunteer Ma Shuifeng from Henan. Every time he comes to Tianjin, he will wear family-seeking clothes to help us parents who have lost their children to do publicity. Came here twice last year alone. We were so touched that he refused to invite him to dinner.
Here, I also use this platform to thank these kind people and volunteers. Accompanied by them, we helpless families looking for relatives saw another ray of sunshine on the way of seeking relatives.
In the past few years, I have also gone to family-hunting activities nearby, and because of this, I have met some parents who are looking for relatives. We encourage and comfort each other. Every time he goes out, the youngest son will say, "Mom is going out this time, let's bring my brother back."
I am also full of expectations, as if I have found an organization, full of endless power.
(The portrait drawn by police officer Lin for his son)
In 2019, I heard that someone had found a child through a simulated portrait, so accompanied by volunteers, we also came to Jinan, Shandong, and asked police officer Lin Yuhui, a simulated portrait expert, for help.
When Officer Lin drew his 22-year-old appearance, I couldn't bear it anymore, and broke down and cried in front of Officer Lin.
Over the years, every sleepless night, all I can think about is what Qingqing will be like now. Now that I finally saw what he looks like when he grows up, I couldn't hide my excitement and knelt down to Officer Lin.
Looking at Qingqing's portrait, I was filled with hope again, so I posted his childhood photos and the current simulated portrait on the Internet, hoping to find my son as soon as possible through the spread of the vast number of netizens.
Qingqing is now 25 years old and has been missing for 22 years. In the past 22 years, only I know how to get through it.
(We are a family of four, my brother sings birthday song)
Over the years, no matter how hard it is, I have always lived in Tianjin, and I will go to the small river every now and then. Although the place has changed, Qingqing's laughter seems to be still there.
I want to say to Qingqing: Son, I have no other requirements, I just hope that everything is fine for you. When I saw you, I wanted to say sorry to you personally. Everything is my mother's fault. I hope you can forgive my careless mother.
Come on, my son! Mom and Dad just want to see you.
Son, there are still more than 20 days left, and your birthday is coming. Because my younger brother's birthday is a few days away from yours, I told my younger brother to compromise your birthday and set it on January 2nd every year. Every year when I make a wish on my birthday, my younger brother says that he hopes that his elder brother will come home soon.
My son, do you hear mother's voice? How I wish we could truly be together on this birthday. How I hope you are also on the way to find us, soon