Foolproof recipe: Let's make jam! Absolute beginners guide to blackberry-goodness.

I'm not a morning person. Sure, the early bird might catch the worm, but who gives a flying fuck about worms anyway? Get me my morning tea, some food to go with it and please be so kind to leave me the hell alone. I promise I will be civil and even nice when my brain kicks in.

See? Doesn't this tableau make you feel better, no matter how shitty of a morning you're having?

All kidding aside, it's jam season! Fruit is one of the best things about summer. Even if you can't of won't grow your own fruit, it's dirt cheap at the moment and begs to be used in every way you can imagine. So let's use just that, and make our own awesome jam. Just imagine the smugness you can feel, knowing the jam on your PB&J is totally homemade, or the look on your parent's face when you gift them a cute jar of selfmade goodness. And I promise, it's suuuupereasy!

Important stuff!

• Jam is basically a combination of fruit and sugar and pectin. Pectin is a kind of sugar, that is found in the walls of cells in fruit. When boiled, pectin does the same thing as gelatine. Fruit like apples and plums have enough pectine of their own to make a sturdy jelly, but berries don't. That's why we need to add some pectin. In Europe you can get sugar with pectine added in the grocery store, next to the normal sugar. On the package, it will say exactly how much pectinsugar you need to add to how much fruit.

• If you want to store the jam you made, you need glass jars. You can buy those babies nearly everywhere. For 1200 grams( about 2,5 lbs) of fruit, you'll need 4 normal size jars. You'll need to sanitize those, as shown below. If you follow my instructions, your jam will be good for months.

• Reaaaaally take the time to clean your berries. There are a LOT of crawlies in them. I was surprised how much bugs came out of mine, when I put them in a large bowl covered with water for a while.

• Boiling jam is, unsurprisingly, hot. Be careful not to burn yourself. Also, use a large pot, because while boiling, the jam will spatter, and blackberry is an absolute bitch to get out of clothes.

So, let's start!

I've got 1200 grams (2,5 lbs and a bit) of blackberries. Freshly picked from my mom's bush (this is NOT the time for jokes!). Like I said, our grocery stores sell sugar with pectin added, but if you can't find this, buy pectin and sugar apart and send me a message if you can't figure out how much to add. The lime is there because I couldn't find a lemon, but worked like a charm. The acid helps the pectin to thicken up, and adds awesome tastiness.

Wash the berries, and put them in a large pot. Now. You can puree the berries first, if you want. Hell, if you don't want seeds in your jam, you can even push it through a sieve. But honestly, what's the point? Jam's supposed to be chunky, in my humble opinion. I did break them up a little with a masher, but only because I have some anger issues to work through. Also, it helps the process along.

Put the pot on the stove. At the same time, put another pot on the stove, in which you put the jars you're going to use. Important: glass shatters by extreme temperature changes. You don't want to get killed by your own food, so don't put boiling water in the pot. Just warm/hot water until they are fully immersed. Then slowly bring the pot to a boil. In the meantime, stir your berries. Remember, fruit has a lot of sugar and sugar burns like a bitch, so stirring often is important.

When shit starts to bubble, add the lemonjuice, sugar and pectin. Stir. Contemplate your awesomeness. Wait. The sugar needs to dissolve. Stir often. You'll know the sugar is dissolved when you don't feel it 'scraping' on the bottom.
You need to get the berries to a boil, and they need to keep boiling after you stir them. Did you stir, and the boiling stopped? Not ready yet!

While you let the fruit boil, check if the pot with the jars is boiling. If it is, chuck the lids of the jars in there. Give them a minute, and get it all out of the boiling water. Try not to burn yourself. Remember! Glass doesn't like to change temperatures quickly, so don't put the jars directly on a cool surface. Also, don't touch the inside of the jars, because we just sterilized that shit for a reason.

So, not sure if your jam's ready? No worries, I've got a test for you. Put a tablespoon of jam on a cold plate. Leave it there for a minute. It should cool down, and get thicker. See?

We're all set now! Time to put the jam in the clean jars. This will get messy, but that's half the fun.

Fill the jars till nearly full. Make sure to clean any jam you've got on the screw-top part, because you need the lids to get really tight. Got it? Excellent, you go you!

As soon as you've done that. put the jars upside down. Leaving them this way for a couple of minutes, and then turning them back to cool down. You've just made sure your jam will stay good for months to come! You excellent son of a bitch! As soon as your jam is cooled down, you can use it on sandwiches, through yoghurt, on ice cream, on cakes or in the bedroom. I don't judge.

Have fun!!

xx