Bitchin' Beanie Weenies, for those late night munchies

You may hear “beanie weenie” and think, isn’t that for kids? NO!

No, it is not! And anybody that tells you that is an asshole, you don’t need that kind of negativity in your life.

Gather these four ingredients:

Three Hot Dogs – All beef is the way to go, fuck that other shit. Note: I chose “bun size”, however I prefer to refer to them as fun size.

One Can of Black Beans – Check it, organic! We are all sorts of healthy up in this bitch.

Salsa – Told ya! Healthy shit!

Pepper Jack Cheese – I must recommend the Tillamook brand. We like to keep it local here in the Pacific Northwest. Quality shit in this dish!

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Open up that can and gaze at those bountiful beans. Did you know black beans are damn near half the calories of pinto beans? You’re learning now too!

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Look at that beautiful motherfucker in the mirror. You is healthy, you is smart, you is eatin' Beanie Weenies tonight!!! This might as well be a goddamn health food. You can write that down.

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Stop staring at yourself in the mirror and get that beautiful ass back in that kitchen! Now pour those beans in a pan and heat them on high. Oooh shit it's getting hot in here!!!

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Next, cut up those dogs. You can go all crazy health nut and get those fake veggies dogs too… I won’t judge. I lie, I will judge, but I will do so silently. It’s your life, live it!

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Toss the dogs in with the beans and whip it, whip it good! Not really, just stir it.

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Next grab the salsa. Pour in approximately half a jar. I guess this depends on your size of salsa and how much you like it. Throw whatever amount you want in it. Adjust to your taste, cant really go wrong here!

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Fourth and final ingredient, the motherfucking holy grail of cheeses, Pepper Jack! Cheeses rhymes with Jesus, coincidence? I think not. Shred that shit or cut it in small cubes if your shredder isn’t handy, or you don’t have one, whatever, you be you!

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Stir until the cheese is melted and you have a hot pot of bitchin' beanie weenies.

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Grab the fine china or fine chinette. Whatever you got handy. Hell eat out of the damn pan, I won't lie, I do that shit all the time. Saves on dirty dishes, thus saves water, I’m the fucking Mother Theresa of environmentalists over here!

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There is even enough to share with your significant other, if you are feeling generous! If you aren’t you may want to consider it anyway. You can always mutter “fucking bitch” under your breath to relieve the tension you will inevitably feeling if you have to give up some of your delicious dish. Or you can kindly tell them you got them a surprise, but they need to get it out of the car. When they walk out lock that door, move fast! Now sit your ass down and enjoy some motherfuckin' bitchin' beanie weenies!!!

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Let me know how your first time was in the comments below... wink wink ;-)