Connection

I started this week on a very positive note, feeling like my role as an 'Integrator'. Connecting people with other people to meet each others' needs.

I introduced one of the most capable youths that I know (from the NGO I volunteer at) to a job opportunity. I also introduced old schoolmates that are in the Green Business because I believed in their values and feel like they would do great things together. I felt like the connector bringing people together to create synergies.

These two meetings created a connection in myself. I felt at peace with my being and my role in people's lives.

I may not be the smartest, the best negotiator, nor a very assertive leader, but the meetings made me aware of my role of as a supporter and integrator. I felt a spark, a happy feeling~

My attempt at interpreting the image I felt and saw in my mind

Emotions can Connect

As the week went on, I noticed a couple of my conversations with two special individuals relating so very much with the burn-out, depression, and anxiety I went through a few years back.

It made me realise how we, as a society, tend toward always wanting to be happy, and judge other negative emotions as undesirable and "bad". However, in those moments as I spoke with these individuals about their struggles, I realised that the (what felt like)"tumultuous" emotions I was going through those few years back is helping me connect with these individuals. They chose to speak to me and I was in awe at how similar their stories were to mine. In those moments, I felt a connection I never thought my "bad emotions" would have allowed me to.

When I was struggling with these "bad emotions", I was overwhelmed by these emotions, I used these emotions to disconnect me from people around me. I had so much hate toward myself and felt like no one would understand. I even disconnected myself from the greatest support in my life, my husband. I kept moving myself away from him, yet kept crying out for him to be by me. I felt such a disgust for myself that I felt like I should not deserve his affections.

I would say I am lucky though. Despite how frustrating I was, he stayed loyally and dutifully my husband. We argue, we get annoyed at each other, but we are each others' greatest support. There is no denying though, I had to seek professional help. A neutral third party that gave me space to be with my emotions and go through them.

He was there too, every time i had to go through the emotions that arise - the guilt over dad's passing, the depression over my life's purpose, the anxiety over not being good enough. I cried, I whined, I screamed. Yet, he always reminded me that I needed to listen to what these emotions were telling me and, as cheesy as it sounds, do what your heart tells you.

https://www.pexels.com/photo/black-and-white-connected-hands-love-265702/

To the two brave individuals who are facing their struggles:

This is a part of my story that I did not launch into detail with you. However, if we go on the premise that emotions have a function or that emotions are data (see the Susan David video linked below), I felt that our conversations this week showed me that the emotions I went through served another function (besides telling me to make a change in my own life) -

Our emotions have served to connect us

So, thank you for the connection at a time when you may feel the most disconnected, and I just want to say you are brave for being with your emotions. As Susan David says in her TEDTalk:

We own our emotions, they do not own us.
Do not race for emotion exits. [Instead, go through them]
Emotion is data.
Say "I am noticing, I am feeling ..." instead of "I am [emotion]"

Our emotions have a purpose and are neither "good" nor "bad". They are just signals that can help us bring us closer to a path that align with our values if only we learn to be with them, even for a while.

https://www.ted.com/talks/susan_david_the_gift_and_power_of_emotional_courage

Peacefully,
Sue