How I Loved Myself First

I think that it's true that only in the face of true adversity do we come to see what we need most. For me, it was falling for someone who was totally wrong for me. We didn't share that many values, didn't have any mutual friends, and didn't really like to do the same things (except eat, but who doesn't).

It was through the terrible experience of letting go of that person that I came to discover another that I would be for the rest of my life: myself. This is how I fell in love with the most important person on the planet: myself.

Step 1: I met me.

I actively tried to notice why I felt the way I felt throughout the day. Did I really enjoy getting a cup of coffee and reading through lifestyle blogs in the morning? Did I not enjoy the two hours of Keeping Up With the Kardashians I watched yesterday? I found the answers to these questions and I acted on them. Then on a deeper level, I began to question what I wanted in life; not the material things, like a shiny silver bimmer or a CP 3000 Charizard. I mean what I wanted of myself, what I wanted to become, like being a dependable friend or someone who has found internal happiness, or at least part of it.

It felt like I was reintroducing myself to me, and I got to know myself from scratch. I met me.

Step 2: I dated me

At this point, I was getting to know myself pretty well. I was better able to anticipate my emotions and make decisions that would have the greatest positive impact. I started to do things for me, not because I was selfish, but because I cared about me. I worked out harder at the gym and ate cake when I wanted to. Sure, physically all of this cancels out but spiritually it only builds. Soon, I became the person I could depend on the most for my own happiness.

Step 3: I fell in love with me

Contrary to how it sounds, this phase isn't about falling into narcissistic rapture. When I fell in love with myself it wasn't just about accepting myself, like so many people say. It was about looking at who I was and genuinely going, "Yeah, I'm a pretty cool person!" It was about seeing my flaws as quirks that set me apart from others. It was about not talking about me behind my back. When I fell in love with myself the feeling of wanting to be with another person dissolved. After all, I had the one person that was always going to be there for me through thick and thin. Now it's not about finding the love of my life in another person but more about finding what's going to fulfill my life the most; if that includes another person, then that's great.

I have found a lot of peace with myself ever since I decided to pursue a relationship with me. Just as I do with my best friends and closest family, I have come to respect, love, and care for myself. And now, I'm doing better than ever.

Step 4: marry yourself