Sickle Cell and Love

There are so many dynamics as it relates to being married or engaged to someone that has Sickle Cell. What are your thoughts around this? What have you learned? What works? What doesn’t?

The first thing is to realize is that not everyone (guy or lady) can handle being with someone that has sickle cell. I’ve had many boyfriends disappear once they realize the cruelty of my condition.

There was this guy that I was really serious about that ended up breaking up after some major hospitalizations even though he had been there all through the time I was sick.
He said he loved me too much to see me in pain like that and couldn’t imagine having to deal with that for the rest of his life. He had a choice to return to his ex-girlfriend. Such is Life. There was a point i wanted to hide who i am, but nature will not allow me.

In my society only few people can marry someone
with sickle cell. I was chatting with one of my male friends, he told me his mum stylishly told him not to date a girl with sickle cell talkless of marrying the girl. See high level of stigmatization.

At a point, I actually had a lot of self esteem issues related to dating because of my sickle cell. I considered myself a “short term relationship” girl, meaning that I could have a good relationship for 4-6 months but once a crises hit I could guarantee the guy was out the door.

When I was in a relationship, I tended to overcompensate for being a sickle cell warrior, accepting shit that no one in their right mind would accept from a boyfriend. I felt that this was the only way to cover up my genetic fault. So I took risks, accepted crap, and did things that I normally would never do.

Eventually I got to know that it wasn’t because I wasn’t good enough, it was because the guys I was messing with weren’t good enough. I took a time out and just learned to fall in love with myself and love myself for who i am. This was when the evolution of me from becoming a sickler to being a sickle cell warrior began to occur.

It took about 5 months to actually get my mind right, and when i started building up my confidence and self esteem, i became new woman. There was no more settling,no more accepting stuff that wasn’t ideal for me in the guise of being in a friendship.

I met a woman few months ago she is also a sickle cell warrior she shared her story with me. She is happily married with two kids. She experienced lots of heartbreaks but at the end she met her sweetheart. The man loves her for who she is and he get her back anytime.

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I think what I’ve learnt is that I had to stop treating sickle cell like it made me inferior in any way. I am a wonderful woman, and until I accepted that about myself, I couldn’t have the relationship that I deserved. I learned to tell the guys upfront about sickle cell, before I got too attached, so that when they disappeared, I wouldn’t have invested too much heart and time into them.🤣🤣🤣.

Relationships can be difficult, and when you throw in a complicated medical condition like sickle cell, then it makes things more dicey.
Call me an optimist, but I feel like the person that God wants you to be with; well, it will work out no matter what hurdles come your way.
Because that person was specially designed to be with you, and you were both meant to complement each other.

Sickness, unemployment, children, life ,nothing is able to stand in the way of a relationship built on God. It might take some patience…and decades of prayer, but the right person for you will move heaven and earth to stay by your side, through thick and thin, sickle cell or not. He or she will stay forever.

ONE LOVE
You can share your experience as sickle cell warrior on relationship or someone related to you