Would You Die for Love?

in relationship •  8 years ago 


We all grew up into a culture that idolizes the feelings between a man and a woman or two intimate partners. It is idolized so much that we say these feelings should also transcend to the point where each partner would be willing to give up their lives for the other. We watch movies like Titanic, listen to songs like Bruno’s Grenade and even read books like Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet right from childhood to old age and that’s how mind-sets are born. It has become a silent requirement we want in our partners; it is a sacrifice we expect them to make when push comes to shove. Whether we are willing to make such compromises ourselves is another matter all together.

 

Just last year one of my close female friends had a big fight with her boyfriend because during a conversation, he said he would not be willing to die for her. It deteriorated so fast that my friend asked for a break up. She wouldn’t speak to or see him for more than two weeks. I found it really amusing and I told her so. I didn’t see the point of fighting over something that may never happen. Why do we need to blackmail someone into wanting to die for us? 

 I have also realized that those who find it so easy to say I will die for you are the very ones who chicken out when the time comes to put actions into words. And the truth remains that we were born with a survival instinct that we must protect ourselves first before we consider the next person. Yes, all humans are selfish and sometimes when they help you out, like donate a kidney or some pints of blood, they want to be appreciated for ever by their recipient. They also want to be loved more or have more power over that person especially if they are close relatives or are dating or even married.

 

Very few acts of kindness are done out of a place of total selflessness. This is not to make light of people who help others. No. This is just to explain a bit of how the human mind is wired. We want to do good so we can be remembered and appreciated. It’s as simple as that.

It is scary to die. Even when we have been sensitized to this fact a long time ago, especially if one has a terminal disease, we still grow more apprehensive with each passing day. In fact it takes a lot of willpower and conscious acceptance to achieve peace in the face of death. So looking at your partner who is probably at the prime of his or her life with so much going for them, and asking, “Will you die for me?” is very unfair. Most might quickly give you the answer you want to hear but doesn’t change exactly how they feel on the inside. And then there's another side to it. If you want someone to give up his or her life so that you will live instead, doesn’t that make you selfish too? 


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(images courtesy of pixabay)   

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Flagging this post because even though my downvote doesn't really make much of a difference, I don't think your content deserves to be trending every day. It's borderline content at best.... there's no reason your every post should be over $1k and guaranteed trending, especially given the frequency of your posts. There are a lot of authors out here struggling to make a buck when their contributions are far better than this.

While I don't agree with using the flag feature for anything that doesn't violate community standards (plagiarism, spamming, etc.) I completely agree with your sentiment. I've read several msgivings articles because they always seem to trend. I've never walked away impressed. In fact, I found yesterday's article kind of offensive. She seemed to suggest that women ought to change who they are in order to keep men from cheating... as if the man isn't really to blame.

I'm new to steemit and the post from yesterday was the very first thing I read. I was disappointed to see such blatant misogyny at the top of the feed, but not surprised.

What's really disheartening is how many people seem to think these posts are quality; I guess because they reinforce their own notions. But looking at OP's other posts, they advocate for the most toxic, unhealthy relationships, that any relationship counsoler would criticize.

I read that post too and honestly my first though was, 'this was written by a man!'. It's hard to imagine such misogyny being espoused by a woman.

  ·  8 years ago (edited)

Community standards can include not 'milking' or not having an imbalance where one person or type of content is generally crowding out others. It is subjective whether that is happening but there is nothing wrong with seeing it as a platform problem the same way we see spam, plagiarism, etc. as platform problems. Neither those nor any other types of types of 'abuse' or 'flag-worthy' posts are defined on a list by a central party; everyone is a moderator and it is up to the user base to decide what is good and what is bad.

I agree. I just changed my early upvote to a flag instead.

I agree that it is and should be up to the users rather than a central moderator. And I do understand the point you're making.

I guess everyone has a different "breaking point" with what they see as bad content or content that's bad for the platform. I haven't quite reached that point with msgivings.

Hi @msgivings
I think that it is easy to say I will die for you, but I think you will never know if you will have the courage to do so, until you are in the situation, as you have said it is in our nature to survive.
The other point is also if you love each other so much that you would die for each other, one will stay behind and will be sad and morn the other one most probably for the rest of their live. Sad

Yes, words are a cheap gift

awesome post @msgivings

Thanks! And spooky gif!

human are so strange creatures, I think. sometimes they make unexplainable
deeds, both good and bad) good post @msgivings makes me think

@misgivings

For someone to say "I love You" they have to say "I" first. One that loves another, simply cannot die for them since it is contra to the very idea of love. Love is selfish above all. This is what makes it special.

One that loves another, simply cannot die for them since it is contra to the very idea of love.

You ARE saying I cannot run into traffic to to push them to safety (therefore getting myself killed, AND DYING FOR THEM !) to save the life of my son , wife, daughter or anyone I CONSIDER I love !.

Saying a thing, doesn't make it true .... (Even if it's in bold)

@jtstreetman

No you won't. You do it out of instict. many people have done this without being relatives.

It is much very true. Look around you. Also please understand that romantic love is different than parental love.

I'm going to echo @jtstreetman's sentiments.

The fact that it's preceded by the word "I" doesn't make it selfish. Of course love has that selfish aspect, but it's inherently selfless. That's what makes it love. If you won't make sacrifices for another person you don't love them.

@sethlinson

Bullshit. If it was selfless you would love everyone unconditionally . Come on guys. These are tales for 15 year old girls...

Of course love has that selfish aspect

You are arguing against a point I never made. I conceded that there is that selfish element meaning that of course no act is entirely selfish.

And thanks for insulting me by implying that what I'm saying is worthless and only a product of "cultural brainwashing". Much appreciated.

There is no such thing as a selfless act. Even the smallest act of kindness aims to reward oneself either directly or indirectly.

Do I really need to chew it even more, or the cultural brainwashing has done that much of a damage?

I feel like I would risk my life to protect a woman I loved, but I don't think I'd do the Romeo and Juliet suicide thing...

+1 Very good post (Thought provoking) BUT, I'm sorry I view the whole premise to be based on to say the least, assumptions ... ie:

Very few acts of kindness are done out of a place of total selflessness. This is not to make light of people who help others. No. This is just to explain a bit of how the human mind is wired. We want to do good so we can be remembered and appreciated. It’s as simple as that.

Summation of statements:

  1. "few acts of kindness are selflessness"
    Where do you get this idea ? Sorry that is just "Failed Logic"
    (http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/main/logicalfallacies?from=main.youfaillogicforever)
    There is NOT ONE act that any human can do that is NOT purely "Selfish".

  2. "This is how the mind is wired"
    Again where are you getting this information? You are making assumptions that build on your first statement that is actually an assumption . This is NOT how the brain (1st off, the "brain IS considered to be "wired", but NOT the "mind"), however this is NOT how the brain IS wired. Even when it is not apparent why we do things or disguised as being non selfish, upon research ("The Selfish Gene" https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Selfish_Gene ) you will come to the conclusion that "All acts are acts of selfishness".

  3. "We want to do good so we can be remembered and appreciated."
    EVERY act is done because it makes US FEEL GOOD !

" It’s as simple as that."
Indeed !

Human beings fucking suck. Who in there right mind would want there significant other to die...for any reason.

To love or not to love....or die, that is the question. Well written article👌👌

For the sake of a loved one is worth living!

it - selfishness. If you love a person, on the contrary give him the freedom that he chose himself what he wants

Why would you ask someone if he would die for you.This is something that MIGHT happen under certain circumstances.It isnt logical!
And this isnt a meter of love
I found it silly

Tell the guy to run as fast as he can.

interesting to read. nice post. theres always forever

La Petit Mort may apply here - see https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/La_petite_mort.

If the question is asked me, I'm going to be happy. While I'm reading ur article, I recalled a sad news. A woman was abused when she was child. She got married and have a girl. She thought that one day, her daughter will be abused because of her. probably, she was under a kind of delusion. She decided to kill herself to protect her daughter, but she worried about her daughter's life. Finally, she tried to commit suicide with her daughter. Her daughter died and the mother failed to die. Love doesn't mean 'possession'. What someone ask "Would you die for me?" is a very stupid question. However, if someone ask you, I think he or she is probably not going to just kill you. If you want to be loved, please ask "Would you try to live well for me?" That's enough!

Hi, my response is quite long. So I put it as a separte entry.
https://steemit.com/relationship/@mgaft1/a-response-to-would-you-die-for-love-by-msgivings

Due to my belief in the universal law of non-interference and karma - no.

Love very hard to explain feeling , some will lose every other sense they have when they falling in love , my advise .
Don't love someone too much , so when he/she left you , you won't hurt so much

Btw if you got some time do visit my blog :)

Don't live because you might die? Never!

Some would say it's killing me a little every day :)

yes.

If you love a person is not to offer him die. Anyone who asks to sacrifice life for themselves hardly truly loves, than the one who is willing to do it.

I would like to think of myself as someone who would push my hubby out of the path of a moving vehicle and take his place, I am not sure how that would feel in the moment. I am pretty selfish right now, when he asks me to go upstairs to grab a drink from the kitchen for him, I grumble a bit. My goal is to become that person who would not even blink an eye in the face of death for a loved one. Who knows, love can do extraordinary things.

And yes to answer your question...it is selfish to ask someone to give up their life for you. That should come as a choice of the other person, never a demand. There isn't any real love in that type of ultimatum. My guess is your friend ended the relationship prematurely cause she doesn't understand this yet.

The short answer is no. But one can always risk his life.

that's great dude @msgivings you made me think :)

Love is dead of ego. You cant love with ego. You never know where love will move you. Love will change you and you wont be same. This fear from ego is reason why so litle love we have in the world.

"I have also realized that those who find it so easy to say I will die for you are the very ones who chicken out when the time comes to put actions into words."

I think that's probably it, people who say this like it's a no-brainer (not always, but in general) are probably compensating for something.

The problem with questions like this is that they aren't realistic. It isn't a part of our reality that you ever get the choice of who gets to live. (There are times where you need to defend somebody. But even the extreme-- and totally rare-- case of diving in front of a bullet for someone, it's still not a guarantee that you're going to die from it. Nor does it seem like you're guaranteed to be safe if you don't. There's never a clean decision of which one of you lives and which one dies.)

It's like ".....you can only do one thing, jump into the lake and save the drowning baby, or open the treasure chest with $10million in it, which would you choose!?!?"

It isn't a situation we were ever faced with as we evolved to this point, and it isn't realistic that it would ever come up.

I do think some people probably genuinely mean it when they say they would die for someone else. I just don't think it's a useful thing to be concerned with (and agree that it's silly for that person to have rifted their relationship because of it).

I would die to protect the one i love, but i would not die despite of love.

Just dying because of love is pointless and does more damage then not.
Saying you would die for love mostly boils down to a false promise.

Was I the only one who thought the two hands coming together looked like something else at first.... Expectations I guess.

Steemon
Liked!!

Which mother or father would not die for their children? If you are not ready to die for love, you don't love.

Nice topic

My boyfriend and I always say we'll die together. It would be too hard to live without one another. I am clearly very co dependant