Not long ago I met some Vietnamese girls on the beach while I was going on one of my therapeutic walks. At first I thought that they were going to try to sell me something but they genuinely just wanted to practice their English and meet a foreigner. They were friendly and we exchanged Zalo information (it's like Whatsapp but very popular and is the norm in Vietnam) and I have been talking to them about all sort of things over the past month or so.
Once we started to get to know one another a bit better, I told one of the girls about the issues that I have been having with my ex moving back to Da Nang and how that was affecting my life. When she told me her own story about lost love, i have to say that she definitely "one upped" me and it is an extremely tragic and true story of not just lost love, but governmentally forbidden love.
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So while this isn't the girl's real name I am just going to use her "English name" of Hannah. This is not her real name but many Vietnamese who are interested in knowing foreigners will adapt a name that is easier for us to remember. Nguyen is a tough one for us to remember.
Anyway, after I told Hannah about my story of my ex and how that was affecting my life negatively, she told me about how she had a 5 year relationship with a man that she truly loved and he truly loved her. However, since he was studying to be involved in law enforcement, the vetting process of allowing one to be a police officer is extremely thorough and it was at this time that her then boyfriend found out something about Hannah's past that happened before she was even alive.
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When people think of the Vietnam war or as it is known here "The American War," they normally think about young Americans with a handful of Australians fighting against Vietnam. The reality of the situation was that a great deal of the South Vietnamese military forces were actually Vietnamese people. At first the United States only supported them financially with advisors, the full escalation of the war eventually saw American soldiers becoming a bulk of the military force and later almost the entirety of the force. However, there was a time when the South Vietnamese military was comprised almost entirely of Vietnamese people and Hannah's grandfather was one of them.
They are referred to as "puppet soldiers" here in Vietnam and since the North Vietnamese won that conflict, there were consequences for the people who fought alongside the enemy. Hannah's grandfather is still alive but not only was he punished - and she didn't indicate how he was punished but I am sure it was unpleasant - but the punishment extends well beyond just him. It also extends to his children and their children.
According to Hannah, and she had no reason to lie to me about this because she stands to gain nothing by doing so, she and her now ex boyfriend were no longer going to be allowed to date or marry because of her being part of a "puppet soldier's" bloodline.
Her boyfriend had to make a choice: Either give up his career with the police force, which is a highly sought after job in Vietnam, or give up his relationship with Hannah. It was a heartbreaking experience for both of them to make, but in the end they both decided to have him pursue his career instead of being with her.
She is very sad about this to this day and even though she is only 22 years old, she says she cried about it on a regular basis. I think it is very tragic that her and all of her family would be punished for something they weren't even alive for when it happened, but that is the way it is here.
Hannah is an intelligent and pretty girl, so I am sure that she will meet someone else. If and when she has children, they WILL ALSO not be allowed to date and marry military or police because the rule extends to 3 generations of people. This seems a bit extreme to me.
It kind of put my woes into perspective and encouraged me to stop feeling so sorry for myself. When Hannah does get involved with someone else in the future and I am sure she will, I wonder if she will only be halfway dedicated to the relationship because she will always be thinking about the person that she loved, but was denied access to because of her family's past. If her and her boyfriend were to secretly continue to date and the government found out about it, they could be put in jail for it.
Apparently this only extends to Vietnamese people too, which I find very strange. If Hannah were to have fallen in love with an American whose father or grandfather had fought for USA in the war, this rule would not apply even if it was Hannah who was attempting to be part of the police force.
I told her that a movie could be made out of this and that I sympathize with her a great deal. I can't imagine that level of heartache and it makes my situation seem so insignificant in comparison.