As much as you hate to admit it, you can probably agree that you’ve definitely dated a few partners who weren't the right fit for you.
You knew from the very beginning, yet somehow kept the relationship going.
It's only years later, when the same issues keep resurfacing that you finally realized : something's gotta give.
Have you ever stopped to ask : why you allowed yourself to date someone who's wrong for you?
Here are four possible reasons why :
1. You're Drawn to What You Lack
They say opposites attract, but they can also repel.
That free spirited "live in the moment" quality your partner has might have felt like a breath of fresh air from the beginning.
It complemented your high strung nature and helped you live in the present moment instead of constantly worrying about the future
It made you enjoy the little things
Yet as time went by, your core values (better yet your spidey sense) started tingling.
You felt like you weren't living in alignment to what you wanted and who you are.
While you're driving in the middle/fast lane, your partner stays in the slow lane, drifting through life.
We tend to fall into the motions of a relationship, experiencing the emotional highs from falling in love and before we know it, we're riding the same tide without going anywhere or knowing which direction we want
The very quality that attracted you to them has now become the trait that's repelling you.
Sometimes, their differing qualities can work in favor for us. For instance : patience vs impatience. shy vs outgoing
While other times, it becomes a major source of conflict down the road.
2. You Can't Stand the Thought of Being Alone
Ever come across couples who get out of a 5 year relationship only to date someone immediately after?
While they may justify their quick behavior to "finding the one" in reality, it has more to do with the fear of being alone.
Losing someone that you built your life around, is downright scary.
It's difficult to let that go and resume your life from scratch .
You can try filling the void by focusing on your career, your own personal growth but at the end of the day it's just not the same.
Everyone is different, and while some people may enjoy living up the single life, perhaps you find yourself unable to find joy in not having a partner in your life.
Elisabeth J. LaMotte, a psychotherapist for couples, states how
When you think of “single” as a dirty word, you’re prone to date people you should stay clear of
By seeing the benefits of being single (as difficult as that maybe be), you're allowing yourself to face reality and come to terms with how you deserve to be with someone who can give you what you need.
3. You Don't Know Who You Are
How can you expect to attract the right partner, if you don't even know who you are?
The first step is to figuring out your core values and how they play into the bigger picture of a relationship.
A good way of discovering them is by finding out what bothered you the most about the former partners.
Focus on the times you felt strong negative emotions like frustration, anger, sadness, hurt
What is when they always showed up late? Did they have commitment issues or freedom as their top priority?
Once you figure it out, you'll start to see a pattern emerge.
Your values are the direct opposite of what bothered you.
The silver lining to dating the wrong type of person is you'll start to learn what you DON'T WANT.
Another big reason you may find yourself continuously dating the wrong guy is that you have confidence issues
Putting yourself out there again is scary business.
Knowing your self worth and what you have to offer will prevent you from dating the wrong person again.
4. You Believe You Can Change Them
It's happened to the best of us.
We meet someone, have great chemistry, fall in love with them.
Then after the honeymoon phase ends, realize they aren't the person we want them to be.
Yet, they have the POTENTIAL to be.
We hold on to the hope that they'll change for us because they love us
While there's such a thing as motivating someone to be a better version of themselves, the only person you can change is yourself.
Change comes from within, it's a decision we choose.
If it feels wrong and we struggle at it, it's because it doesn't align to who we are.
In order for a partner to change, they need to give up one of their core values.
Whether it be their living lifestyle, to their career or a personality trait, compromising a part of who they are, will only lead to resentment and heartbreak down the line.
While values can change overtime depending on the stage of your life , yet our core values (set of beliefs) don't.
If their values rub you the wrong way, chances are they're not aligned to yours.
If you can relate to any of these four points, you may need to cut ties with the person you are dating and venture on a journey to find yourself.
If you're unhappy with the person you are and do not know your values, you are not ready for a relationship because you will continue to choose guys who are wrong for you.
This is not necessarily a bad or negative thing! Your single years can be some of the best years of your life if you go into them with a positive mindset and attitude.
5. You Have a Type
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Whether it be a dark haired, rugged guy with a strange sense of humor or a preppy city girl blonde, we all have our types.
We are creatures of habit and gravitate towards what we're familiar with
As a result, we wear our rose tinted glasses for far too long not seeing them for who they really are.
Our emotions and attraction towards the person goes against our logical side
The solution? Dating OUTSIDE your type.