I’m Learning How to Trust Again

As children, most of us are taught to have trust in the people closest to us because we believe that they love us and wouldn’t intentionally hurt us.

Initially, trust in our parents and our close family members becomes second nature but as we grow we build trust with others like school friends or those in positions of authority like teachers or police officers.

Sometimes, though, that trust is broken or never formed so we reach adulthood without really understanding how to be vulnerable or how to trust others.

Photo by Jelleke Vanooteghem on Unsplash

Childhood Memories

I think a lot of us say that we have had a rough childhood and, for many, it does seem to be true. Our childhood is what shapes and molds us into our adolescent and then adult personalities.

My parents were alcoholics and pill poppers that ended up having too many mouths to feed because they had a lot of kids. I learned from a young age what selfishness looks like and it left a bad taste in my mouth.

I knew from childhood that I wanted to always try to be selfless and to help others rather than to take instead.

Learning to Trust

Now, I find myself trying to learn to trust again after not really learning how to as a kid and then having to deal with untrustworthy people as an adult.

I have friends and a boyfriend that loves me more than I ever thought possible and I love them back but trust is something that I’m working on.

Usually I have some pearl of wisdom or some life hack that I can offer to my readers but the only thing that I can really say about this whole process is that I had to learn to trust myself first before I could trust anyone else.

I had to be confident in my own decisions and trust that I could make good ones. I had to trust that I could forge my own path in life without needing approval from others. And I had to trust that I was worthy of giving and receiving love.

That last part is hard for me because I never quite felt that I was worthy of receiving love from others. It’s been a struggle for me to accept it but I’m a work in progress.

I think we are all a constant work in progress, or we should be at least.

I still find it hard to trust that they really love me as I am without feeling the need to change me all of the time.
Relationships are hard!

But, totally worth entering into.

Photo by Courtney Prather on Unsplash

I don’t have regrets about choosing to love others except maybe that I’m now learning how to trust as an adult. It might have been easier to learn as a child haha.

I think I’m rambling at this point because I’m tired. But, maybe someone out there can relate to my learning to trust process.

Thanks for reading!

Ivy

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