When the first child came along, like any Dad, got plenty of shaking heads and grins on how much my life was going to change.
It did change, a lot. It did not change in the ways they assumed. I still managed to accomplish:
– New Job with 15k pay increase
– Adding 100 pounds to my total Squat/Bench/Deadlift routine
– Started learning German
– Read/Listened along the lines of 20,000 pages over a two-year span
I’d be lying if I didn’t say I had significant failures:
– Gained 20 pounds
– Unnecessary loss of social circles
So will baby two be a slide into the abyss that is perpetual parenthood, and surround myself with other parents who only have their kids to talk about, working for a job that pays the bills? Will my time to accomplish things only get shorter? I hope not.
THIS EXPERIMENT WILL INVOLVE NO GOALS.
I would recommend reading Scott Adam’s excellent semi-biography “How I failed at Everything and still (sort of) succeeded” for the philosophy on this. His main thesis revolves around systems being more effective, and much more long term, than goals. For example, “I am going to lose 20 pounds” is arbitrary, not terrible motivating, rigid, and leaves nothing when done. An alternate system of “I will make my personal health a priority” is much more vague, but much more powerful. It gives a motivator of what to DO, and how to make it a part of yourself.
A Basic Family Man’s System:
My health is a priority and a necessity to those around me.
I will make a strong effort to get sleep. In the cases I can not get adequate sleep, I will plan my week on making up for lost time.
I will go out of my way to ensure healthy eating habits
I will find time to get proper exercise
I will find time to get proper light exposure
– My finances are a necessity for a well functioning household
– Finances are my issue, and I will not bitch about my wife’s spending. My home, my responsibiliy.
Financial reality trumps feelings
I will make the necessary sacrifices to ensure financial stability
I will spend with an eye out for early retirement.
I will find ways to get extra financial windfalls outside of my paycheck.
My family’s emotional stability is paramount to a well-functioning household
I will show proper respect to everyone in my household.
I will not tolerate shitty behavior , but will always be a rock for my family to lie on. This means sucking things up if necessary.
My children’s intellectual development is my responsibility
I will read to my children constantly
I will give my children room to learn on their own.
I will teach my children everything they can not learn themselves, through example
My personal development are another long term necessity
I will continuously read
I will continuously blog
I will continuously sharpen my professional skills
Other development, like continuing to learn a foreign language and learning an instrument, is important, but lower priority than the above.
Most importantly:
I am the spiritual leader of the household, and much act as such at all times.
I will be responsible for my own house. There is no passing the buck.
I will keep my promises
I will pray and go to Mass with my family, no exceptions.
You will notice that everything above is independent of any other member of the household. This is by design. Your system has to be independent of any outside party. If I fail with the above, it’s on my and nobody else. One has to own it.