I was hungry, but I wasn't inspired by the food available nearby. Organic markets? Too far away. Highly rated restaurants? Didn't feel like pizza or Vietnamese. I settled for some pastry from the Asian market.
I wanted to work, I even felt like I needed to work, but I also felt too scattered and tired to be effective. The hours wore on, and before I knew it, half the day was over. Had I gotten anywhere with the work? I couldn't barely tell.
Yesterday, I thought about the need to be tougher on myself about the promises I've made and the deadlines I've set for myself. But in a weird way, my lethargy reminded me that maybe I'm not Dan Kennedy, and maybe being me is what I really need to be, even if that is someone that needs a full day alone in bed each week.
I also began the process of filing my taxes from 2020 and 2021, only to hand the process over to a capable accountant. Everyone deems filing their income taxes simple, but it's so not, especially if you're self-employed.
In my ill-fated poking about with TurboTax, though, I was reminded of how ill-equipped the government is to even begin to classify or understand the new breed of lifestyle designer, digital nomad, creator, or remote worker that I happen to embody. They don't even have a broad category of profession in their database that accurately matches what I and others like me do, let alone a specific subset.
I've often wondered how connected and informed politicians and government workers are to their community and the people they're supposed to be serving, but I can say with some confidence that they still seem to think we're in the industrial age. But hey, they make the rules, and that being the case, maybe we are still factory workers, just of a different kind.
Then I stopped and thought about what it would look like to expand in this moment. Expanding, at least for today, meant spending more time resting. Sometimes, that's exactly what expansion looks like. Taking some time for yourself when you think you can't.
I didn't spend the whole day resting. I still insisted on getting some work done. But I prioritized rest more. I even meditated for 20 minutes.
I thought:
It's okay if I don't feel like eating. It's okay if I don't feel like working. What I need right now may not be what I think I need. I can allow myself to feel tired, and there's nothing wrong.
I also did something I haven't done in a long time. I had a guitar lesson tonight. I taught guitar for over 10 years before putting a period on that chapter of life. But I can see now that it was probably more of an ellipses than a period.
What I noticed is that teaching is showing up to me very differently now than it did in the past. I'm able to lead the lesson more intuitively, and explain things in new and interesting ways. And I think what that goes to show is that I haven't stopped growing and learning as a musician myself.
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