A letter from a reader.
One
I was born beautiful, there are many opposite sex around me since childhood, my parents instilled from childhood that I want to marry a rich family, junior high school sent me abroad to study, and now back to my father's company to do some computer related work.
My marriage is a commercial marriage, not love or not, I stayed at home after marriage.
Both mother-in-law and father-in-law thought that I was not needed to go out for a trip. There were two aunts in the family.
Just entered the luxury, feel everything is new, it took a long time to find that the luxury is not as simple as you think.
Every day we have to see everyone's face, and the relationship is complex. There are four sons in his family. There are four other sisters-in-law relationships to deal with. And between grandmothers and sisters-in-law is like a gossip woman.
I don't have the ability to deal with a series of personal relationships, and my parents help me with everything at home. When I study abroad, I also have a lot of foreign life atmosphere, unlike in China, I always insist on what I say and what I do.
I don't fit in with all this.
What's more, I won't divide the family gatherings and sit by seniority, and I won't fawn on my mother-in-law. Several sisters-in-law are very good at coming. Two sisters-in-law are very popular and three sisters-in-law love to provoke relationships.
Over time, people from all walks of life did not respect me, and even my aunt dictated to me. Once, I was sick and asked her to cook me some red dates and lotus seed soup. She even ignored me. I am also the owner of this family.
Once or twice, even the seven aunts and eight grandmothers came to my mother-in-law and said that I put on my shoes and did nothing at home every day.
One of his sisters was so snobbish that she laughed at my relatives as soon as they came.
On one occasion, at the dinner table, my sister and my husband said in public: Don't be busy with the company all day, watch the backyard fire.
I got angry on the spot: what happened to my relatives? I didn't cheat again. What's called backyard fire? You don't understand.
Then my mother-in-law attacked and said I was out of line.
In a fit of anger, I went back to my mother's house.
My parents said that I should know how to deal with the relationship between the characters. My mother has been very good at dealing with human relations all her life, and I don't have a single gene here.
Maybe I was spoiled and grew up. I really don't realize how important the relationship is.
When I got home, my husband asked me what my sister meant by the day when she said there was a fire in the backyard, which meant that I went out to look for wild men every day when I was idle.
Heaven and earth conscience, where do I have this mind?
It's my husband who gets paid every day. I'm also used to it. Marriage of mutual benefit doesn't need him at night.
And my husband told me not to talk back to my family.
My heart was choking.
I don't want to say these words to others. It's too disgraceful, because my eldest brother stays at home all the year round because of his physical problems, and occasionally does some housework for his father. I often walk in the back garden.
Often meet him, for a long time, he had feelings for me, see my face melancholy, he asked me, I chatted with him a few words, that is, feel life is particularly boring.
He comforted me: everyone has shackles, especially in our family, especially we can not be ourselves, dealing with all kinds of people every day, very yearning for the life of ordinary people.
Because of spiritual harmony, we really have a good feeling with each other.
So we spent a night together, had not had sex for a long time, feeling a lot of moisture, mood is much better, every day the spirit came, but the heart is very upset.
I also hope to see my eldest brother and stay away from him forever. Afraid of being exposed, I want to see him at the same time.
Five times, I'm going to stop. I'm really going to break down.
Fear of being discovered by my husband, fear of being driven out of the house, fear of losing face, I am going crazy now.
Can you give me some advice?
| Toxic tongue solution:
I remember that the woman I admired most when I watched The Family of Golden Flour was Mrs. King. She had a good housekeeper and a skilled husband. And most like her daughter-in-law in the number of sister-in-law Wu Peifang, why do you say so?
First of all, Wu Peifang has a good financial management. When he knows that his husband Jinfeng is unreliable and has a heart for flowers and wine everywhere, he knows how to prepare for himself. What's the best way back, of course, is money.
She herself said that if a woman could not go out to work, she would surely go out to make a living.
Jin Fengju also said that she was becoming more and more like a wife.
In fact, Jinfeng's heart of flowers is a reality and a "fine tradition" of the Jin family. As a feudal woman, Wu Peifang can't help it even if she has a hundred reluctances.
So, just take precautions. Don't put all your hopes on men and marriage.
Although she has been clamoring for divorce all day, it's all talk and it's impossible to really leave. Her character, after all, is not like the cold autumn, don't look quiet, in fact very stubborn.
Wu Peifang has her own opinions, not to mention that Wang Yufen talks in front of her every day and pulls her into the water. In fact, her heart is like a mirror.
In front of her father-in-law, she clearly made up her mind to ask her father-in-law's advice first. As her father-in-law, Jin Quan and Mrs. Jin had to repeatedly praise her: "Good."
Wu Peifang's personality, the typical inner side of the outer circle, knows what he really wants. After the fall of the Jin family, Wu Peifang helped Jin Feng to check the accounts. In a short time, he found out that the cat was greasy and the housekeeper was good.
Cheng Huichang, the second sister-in-law, is a feminist. She advocates equality between men and women. She often goes out to collect donations. She often looks for young men and women to donate money at home.
Have you found any problems? In the Jin family, the noble family, the female family members are not allowed to go out and show their faces. Everyone who goes out should report to them. Cheng Huichang can go out freely, while Leng Qingqiu wants to earn money by teaching on her own ability, but she is opposed by Mrs. Jin. Why?
Because Cheng Huichang never hides behind her, dares to act bravely and is not afraid that others will know that she is a feminist, so everyone is accustomed to it.
And in the Qing and Autumn Periods, they always make assertions without authorization and don't report in advance, which gives others, especially Wang Yufen, a handle, even if their mother-in-law wants to shelter them.
In addition, Jin Hesun, the second young master, had a weak personality and no opinions. At home, his wife, Cheng Huichang, had the final say. Even if there were some frictions in marriage, he would not go to the stage of divorce.
Perhaps the most annoying thing in the whole play is that the three sisters-in-law, Wang Yufen, has a mean mouth, can't forgive others, turn black and white upside down, incite ignition, provoke family relations, if there are such members in the family, it is very difficult to want harmony.
But don't say that Wang Yufen is not without advantages, at least with a long-term vision, will plan. She also did not know that the Jin family depended on the support of the public. If the public died, the Jin family would collapse, so she would continue to speculate in public debt, invest to make a big fortune, and make long-term plans for her small family.
Although Jin Pengzhen, the third young master, likes to spend a lot of time and wine, he is not clear with Chen Yufang, the actor, but he knows very well in his heart that he and his wife can find another way out together. Only when the couple are united, can the marriage be stable.
In addition, Wang Yufen is not a noble person, who knows he has made a mistake and will look back. If it is Qingqiu, it is estimated that he will never come back, and that face is more important than life.
Leng Qingqiu, because of her poor background, great difference between family and Jin family, coupled with her indifference, sensitivity and suspicion, refused to go out of her own circle. Even if she married into Jin family, she was too protective of herself.
Jin Yanxi remained unchanged after her new marriage, eating, drinking and playing, regardless of her family, leaving the Qingqiu cold. In the face of the complex interpersonal relationship of the Jin family in the Qing and Autumn Dynasties, they could only rely on their own efforts.
On the one hand, the external pressure is increasing, on the other hand, the husband has not fulfilled his responsibilities, did not help her to integrate into the Jin family, think it is enough to marry back.
Leng Qingqiu was very disappointed with such a marriage. When he gave birth, his husband spent a lot of time outside, and he was not around when he was sick.
Leng Qingqiu, a 17 or 8-year-old high school student, is unable to solve the problems of marriage at all. He can only choose to escape and live in the attic.
A fire destroyed the attic. Lengqing Qiu left the Jin family with his son and left the sad place forever.
Of the four women, only the cold autumn is unable to survive.
Three
I would like to say another character, Wang Xifeng. In fact, Jia Lian's position is higher than Wang Xifeng's. However, people from upstream to downstream of Jia's family do not take Jia Lian seriously. People from upstream to downstream fear and revere Wang Xifeng.
Because Jia Lian did not do any good things to anyone in the mansion, including Mammy and Lower Man. Unlike Wang Xifeng, she handled Mammy Zhao's job to her two sons neatly and quickly. Mammy asked Jia Lian before, and Jia Lian only promised to do it orally, but no more.
So Mother Zhao only looked at Wang Xifeng's face.
You know that sometimes it may be hard work in your eyes, but it's a big thing in your life in other people's eyes. Can Mother Zhao forget Wang Xifeng?
So this is the reason why the descendants all revere Wang Xifeng.
And when Wang Xifeng came to Grandma Liu for help, she said that there were great difficulties.