The Road to Steemfest Free-Write // Well... this just got real.

Hey Guys,

I just woke up and am chilling on my couch this Saturday morning - and decided to try my hand at @anomadsoul's free-write challenge. As most of you know - I am planning to attend Steemfest this year in Poland. @anomadsoul put out a fun "free-write" initiative to the attendees of Steemfest so that we can better get to know each other. For those who don't know, a free-write is where you just put all your thoughts down - without judgement - and without regard to spelling/grammar etc.

Writing in this way is actually super out of my comfort zone! I usually put a lot of work into making sure my posts feel fresh, organized, and attractive - but I think this will be a good challenge for me. Honestly, I love free-writing - but it is usually with a pen and paper while I reflect and just let my thoughts out. These written ramblings often make no sense and are even filled with little drawings. I love it though. It almost just makes me feel like i'm a channel for whatever creative energy needs to flow though me. I actually had an awesome session like that yesterday where I just sat in the sun and let all my emotions out on paper.

I know that I'm feeling a range of different thoughts and emotions when it comes to Steemfest - so we will see what comes out. Here is my free-write.

The Road To Steemfest Free-Write

Sorry @anomadsoul... I had to put in at least ONE header.... hahaha

Here goes...

I feel like I need to let out the fears, concerns, worries, anxieties before I can get to the stuff I am really excited about. It's hard to tap into those good vibes and higher energies when there is muddiness. My concerns are as follows.... Money - it's really expensive for me to get to Poland, but I have to remind myself that it is more of an investment than an expense. Solo travel... I have never, ever - one more time? EVER traveled solo and even though I have been wanting to buck my comfort zone and try this... I didn't think my first solo travel would end up being internationally.

Speaking of that... this will be my first time in Europe. I guess i'm just feeling the nervousness of things going wrong, or getting lost. I have to trust myself that i'll be able to handle any situation that comes up. It's not a nervousness that will stop me from taking action and going. It's the kind of nervousness that I feel when I'm bucking a comfort zone. It's uncomfortable... but I'll grow so much from it and next time it will be easier.

A lot of people don't know this about me...but I have a lot of anxieties. I've worked hard to work through them...but i'm cautious... I'm scared a lot. I need people around me to push me to stare those anxieties in the face and push through my fear. I've come so far. I dance all over things that used to scare me - but I still find new boundaries and limitations ALL.THE.TIME. that i have to push through. Some people are so fearless... I admire that about them so much. Maybe it's a mindset shift that I need to make - but I've learned to not judge my anxieties. I just let myself feel them FULLY and move forward. Action is the opposite of anxiety.

I know this has ended up getting really personal. I haven't had a chance to read anyone else's free-writes yet. I wanted to get mine on paper first before looking at others. Many are probably filled with joyous excitement... and I am too...but I have to let the worries flow through me first.

Ps.... @anomadsoul... I've fixed a couple typos already... I had to. lol

Now can I just say how FREAKING excited I am too meeeeet people! Wowowowow. When I attended the Creators Conference in Vegas, I wasn't sure how it would feel to walk into a room of people that you FEEL like you know from Steemit... and let me tell you... I felt like we were all BEST friends within moments! The connections we make here on steemit feel soooo real and translate over to in person interactions seamlessly. That is why I love this place. I love this place, I love this place. I've made friends with so many smart, creative, intelligent, forward thinking, generous, kind souls and they are the types of bonds that you can't find anywhere else. We are all on the cutting edge of this new world - a new way of being and living - that the bond I feel with you all is strong.

The funny thing is, I am going to the Toronto conference in a few weeks and don't feel any of those worries because I know many of the people there - but those feelings ARE coming up for me around Steemfest! Maybe because it's so big... there's so many people. Who will be my "buddy"? Is that weird thought? When you have a travel partner, it's almost like having a wingman. Travel feels less stressful because you are in it with someone else and problems just become adventures.... and when you are at an event - you can go your own way - but you always have a "home base". Always a buddy to fall back on if you need. I sooooo wish my sister @maryjaney could come! - but ya know... money. They just bought a house and got engaged!

She DID just let me know that she can come to Toronto though! I am soooooo excited! We literally make the perfect travel buddies because we like doing a lot of the same things and spending our time in similar ways. I can't tell you how lucky I feel to have a sister that is also my best friend in the whole world. Now, you might be thinking back to the comment I just made about moneeyyz. See, we have an arrangement where I'll pay for all the big expenses (flight, hotel) and she can pay me back in STEEM!

I love, love, love, this. I'll just keep her half of the Steem Sister Show earnings for while and she can transfer me any SBD she gets from post payouts. (she doesn't have a lot of time to post right now...but plans to start posting more soon). These kinds of moments are one more reason why I'm in love with Steem. If my sister had to pay with fiat - there is NO way she'd be able to join me in Toronto. The fact that I can offer to pick up the fiat expense and she can pay for an entire trip to Toronto - simply by making content??? - it blows my mind. This is just one small way where Steem is changing lives. It's afforded me a super fun trip with my sister.

Wish I could offer her that for Steemfest... but the flights are a wee bit more expensive! Besides, I'm not sure if she can take that much time off work. She just became a manager and they are working that poor girl to the BONE.

Ok... back to Steemfest.

There are so many people that I am excited to meet. People that i've gotten to know and interacted with... people that I have a great deal of respect for... people that amaze me with the things they are putting out into the world. I look forward to lots of laughter, great conversation, and some crazy shenanigans. I'm also really excited to learn from the best. I can't wait to hear everyone's talks and see what people share. It's going to be an incredible incubator of knowledge.

Ok... I'm feeling like I'm at the end of my strain of thoughts and emotions for now. This has actually ended up being MUCH more vulnerable than I thought it would be when I sat down to write this - but it's what needed to come out. I honestly think any time there is a pent up emotion or worry - just talking about it and bringing it to light is the best way to disipate it and start moving through it . I already feel lighter after writing this.

Thanks @anomadsoul for this free-write challenge. Now that I've written mine - i'm excited to go read everyone else's and get to know other attendees on a deeper level.

Ps guys... I'm not even reading this before I hit post. That scares the sheeeet out of me - but the point is not to judge what comes out and If i go back and read it - i'll start editing and fixing sentances ... maybe even take out some of the more vulnerable points and I don't want to do that.

Thanks for reading. Love you guys. <3