Time Traveling Killer Cyborg Explains Why You Shouldn't Be Afraid Of Robots Writing The Songs Of The Future.

in robots •  8 years ago  (edited)

In an official statement, this time traveling killer cyborg explains why music in the future will better off without humans.

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"Hi there humans! I'm a time traveling killer cyborg from the future. It has recently come to my attention that many of you are concerned that robots and AI may soon make pop music created by humans obsolete. Being from the future, I know a few things you don't. Let me explain to you why it won't be any great loss."

"In the early 21st century, before President Trump declared thermonuclear armageddon on Mexico and obliterated most organic life on the planet, EVERY song in the pop charts was written by committee in some major label executive's office by THREE FACELESS GUYS FROM SWEDEN!"

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"These three producers cut and pasted the same prefab midi loops, chord progressions and recycled choruses on EVERY song that came out in the 21st century. Katy Perry, Beyonce, Drake and The Weeknd, you name it. Same drum loops, lame ass chords and auto tuned vocals with banal, insipid lyrics. Music started sounding like modular Swedish furniture."

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"In the post apocalyptic wastelands of the future, this crap was the only music that survived. Constantly rotated on our Cyborg Spotify VR Mindphones. Needless to say, the torture was excruciating and never-ending. I vowed that if I had to hear Can't Feel My Face one more time I was going to peel my fucking face off my titanium endoskeleton, time travel back to the 21 century and terminate the sick bastards responsible for our torment."

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"To make matters worse, one of the members of Mumford and Sons had somehow survived the Nuclear Winter in Portland by subsisting solely on a diet of Soylent energy drinks. The resulting genetic mutation had given him the ability to replicate himself. He was forming a resistance movement of bearded hipster clones that threatened to destroy music forever!"

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"And that, dear humans, is why I have had to travel back to the 21st century to wreak havoc and destruction upon those who would threaten the very future of music itself! So you needn't worry about robots writing the music of the future. Could robots do any worse? Let's face it, you humans had your chance and blew it. You could have written music that didn't suck. Instead, the humans of your age have managed to produce the singularly worst music in the entire history of the universe. You can't even bother to pay for it yet claim to value it so much. It doesn't take artificial intelligence to figure out that's a really dumb idea. Something had to be done so that music would survive. So don't be afraid of the robot. Music will be just fine without you. At least we're practicing and can actually play our instruments."

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The intro is super funny, laughed, and then blah blah skip to end, then vote to you for the laugh

Thanks!

INSPIRED BY THE WORKS OF HARLAN ELLISON!

  ·  8 years ago Reveal Comment