It has been a while.
My running regimen now consists of 4 miles a day, with one day off every week, and a long run on the weekend. This weekend--perhaps Sunday--I will attempt to do an 8 mile run (cue inspirational Eminem music) which would be a personal "distance record" for me.
The marathon in October is coming up fast, and I am honestly a bit spooked by how fast it is coming up, and how far I have yet to go training-wise to be truly prepared. The fire under my ass it lit. 🔥 Now, to overcome the depression that so often keeps me in bed or full of crippling self-doubt, and as such, keeps me not running.
Mental discipline.
For those of you who have struggled with extreme feelings of neurotic guilt, shame, and self-blame, you know how hard it is to get up and get moving sometimes. Laying in bed the other day, mind occupied by all kinds of crippling feelings, and stomach and physiology equally upset, I thought:
I am being controlled by this. I should be playing with my son. I should be doing something I want to do. Instead I am lying here thinking about how my life is "ruined" by my most recent perceived "mistake" and am paralyzed by doubt, fear, guilt, and an extreme sense of hopelessness and futility.
I felt an anger rise inside of me and said FUCK THIS. Maybe I feel this way but am I in control of my life or these feelings? Either act or don't act. If your perceived problem is real, take steps to solve it. If it is not, let it go. What good is it doing to sit in the middle in misery and not get anything done, and thus making the future even more stressful and potentially problematic?
Running is my new church.
Yesterday it wasn't Tony Robbins or any other motivational speaker. It wasn't "Jesus." It wasn't "God." It wasn't "motivation." It wasn't even "self-discipline" as much as the substance of self-discipline itself, and anger, which is all reflective of, and stems from this truth:
Just saying to yourself: I cannot solve this mental dilemma right now, but I can continue taking actions that can lead me to my goal, even though I feel this discomfort, is huge. Pounding the pavement and talking to myself all the while put me back in a better place last night.
Yesterday's Run:
DISTANCE: 4 miles
THEME SONG: "Truth Hits Everybody" - The Police
PLAYLIST SO FAR:
"Under the Pressure" - The War on Drugs
"Somewhere" - Soundgarden
"Owner of a Lonely Heart" - Yes
"Rose Garden" - Lynn Anderson
"Napalm Love" - Air
"Lips Like Sugar" - Echo and the Bunnymen
"Truth Hits Everybody" - The Police
Back at it again tonight. Remember folks, be kind to yourselves, and don't let your own brain and programming rob you of your power and enjoyment when it comes to your own life.
(If you missed the last MARATHON BLOG post, you can find it HERE)
~KafkA
Graham Smith is a Voluntaryist activist, creator, and peaceful parent residing in Niigata City, Japan. Graham runs the "Voluntary Japan" online initiative with a presence here on Steem, as well as Facebook and Twitter. (Hit me up so I can stop talking about myself in the third person!)
I only ever ran one marathon....and it was shared...5 of us. It is somewhat famous: Beach to Bay in Corpus Christi, Texas. Oh so Hot and Humid.
I just got back into running....about 1 to 2 miles about 3 times a week. This was at the encouragement of my wife!
I have been dealing with depression on and off lately because of life changes and so much uncertainty.... I think I will run more. I can push myself a little harder and maybe shed some of this baggage thats been holding me back.
Thanks so much for this article...I need to hear just this!!
Peace!
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This is great to hear man. Yeah, I hear you. Uncertainty. I don't even believe in "motivation" anymore as much as "What the hell am I doing worrying about everything and condemning myself!? It is not doing jack shit to solve any perceived problems or help anyone. Am I in control, or these feelings!?
That's great you ran a marathon on such a hot and humid day. I'm just a beginner. Am equally encouraged by your comment. Godspeed man. I'll remember I'm not the only one struggling when I'm on my run tonight.
Cheers,
Graham
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Thanks!
Hope it went well!!
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Don't give up! And if I may suggest, try not to be so angry. My first attempt at a marathon I tore a tendon 3days before--after all that training! Please remember that taper week means TAPER! as in, cool down. I ran a trail marathon a year after.
You are right about music, it does matter, and it does motivate!
For you I would recommend looking into two things for running strategy:
With the help of these techniques I was able to run that trail marathon, and a 50K early this year! You can do it too.
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Thanks for the advice. I really appreciate it. I don't really mean "angry" as destructive anger, or that I am abusing my body mercilessly when I run, but anger as a energy that ejects me from the pit of dwelling on things in an unhealthy and unhelpful manner.
I really look forward to checking out those links.
Thanks!
Good luck on the 50K!!! That is insane!!
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I like these words:" running is my new church" :)
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Wow! great it is very good for your health to take a long marathon in the morning. You are so dynamic and energetic person friend, you inspired me greatly ,though I am little bit depressed sometimes, but you know meeting you I feel so lucky and glad ,I think I can do Whatever I want to do in my life. Yes are my inspiration and my ideal, please guide me in my journey of life, as I have no one to talk so openly about my feelings and thoughts , I have only two kids but they are quite small to discuss any thing. I also don't want to hurt them as they are my life, can't disclose my problems. So please friend guide me, any way thanks for sharing such a valuable lesson from morning walk. Have a great day, Happy steeming.
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Thank you always for the kind and open words. I don't think I am much of a guide, but I am glad if I can be a positive part of someone's life.
Actually, I think you are a guide and a beacon for many in your community. I think they look to you, as well. And you are an inspiration to me and the Steemit community, too.
Cheers! And please keep sharing on here. There are many intelligent and open-minded individuals with kind hearts on this platform to talk to.
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It's my pleasure you share with me . I am nothing ,I know me very well, I want to help them it's true but without your help how could I do all that. So please be my guide in my way of life if you don't mind. In these days I get so much support from you, I don't know why I want to think about you, please be my inspiration and friend I want your great supports.please visit my post I wrote about you guys in my new ones.have a great day.
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Thank you so much for your sweet reply, you know friend I am a single mom of two kids, I had lost everything my sweet inspiration my dad and mom very early. I had married a good guy, but he later deeply become alcoholic and left the world, leaving me and my two kids alone. From then I am their both father and mother, some how I manage my livelihood as in teaching profession. But you know my two kids are my pride, they both are meritious to their field, one is in dancing and the other is you may not know rahul.stan,he is here in this community. He had introduced me in this community, where I get your type of very very good people. Thanks for the everything. Have a great day friend happy steeming.
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I wish you to achieve everything that you want! Great story.
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I love how you mention mental discipline
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True it is all in our brain.
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Glad you've found something that you enjoy and which also helps you,have never really been into running but I did use to do a lot of cycling.Thanks for sharing.
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I used to run simi marathon when I was like 15-16 I think that running helps m in many ways. One I can see clearly is that I have a better attention (in the zone) when I play poker when the game take about 2-3 hours.
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wonderfull @kafkanrchy sir to start running i also like this this remvoe many ills and bad effects from us and give us a new and wonderfull health and also physical health and good fitness
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Yes.
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Glad to read your story of how running has set you free.I wish you all the best as you prepare for the marathon. I am sure with that attitude and practice you will make it :)
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You've got a true talent.
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Life can be a drain. I certainly can sleep more and care less and care more at the same time, yet it is who I am. We are not defined by our mistakes, but rather we are defined by how we react to them. If we care not we are but dead. To have a conscious and self reflection is to be human. Good luck with the training, and think of it this way, the journey is the destination.
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