I'm 25 years old, my man is 31, we have been together for 5 years and in principle we have a good relationship: we rubbed ourselves together and understand each other very well. We like to spend time together, but our relationship does not go to another level.
We are both from Russia, but we live in another country for quite some time. I live in a small apartment myself, and my beloved person lives with my mother and together with my grandmother. I would not say that he is a mama's son or that is very dependent, and seems not to have noticed that his mother took care of him through crap, in the sense that he cooked a lot for him, or washed him / her constantly. He is able to do everything himself. But he does not even stammer about coming together to get married. He says that all this will happen when he writes his thesis and then earns money for living together. When I tell him that it's all possible to do and when you live together, he is silent and snores.
Around me, friends, relatives, girlfriends get married after a few months or a year of acquaintance, give birth to children, their husbands manage to do everything. And I just look like they run away into the distance. I do not demand everything from him, I myself am ready to work, save money, help me settle down, but he dismisses me. He also does not let me go, I've already tried to leave, because I feel that we will never live together, not now, not in 10 years. But he always then uses all his charms and I returned.
When the conversation is about marriage, and I bring my girlfriends an example as they do, he turns the conversation around so that I feel like a kind of mercantile fool who wants a magnificent wedding and then babysit. I'm sad, as if I do not deserve that a guy offer me a hand and a heart. He is my second guy, before him I had a short-lived relationship, the first love so to speak.
What to do in this situation? Wait, when a person ripens or seek happiness with another? He's good, I love him, he's a soul mate. But I'm afraid that it is not for the family.
Thank you for sharing. It's not easy to post a situation like this.
After reading this and pulling out my own experiance I would say it will soon be the time for your No. 3 guy.
I am not your generation. I'm twice your age, but I am familiar with guys like yours and they are nothing else but spoiled. First by moms, grandmoms, specialy if he is the only male in the household. He is ok with the situation. Why change anything? He is used to be taken care of and he will be only with a girl that is similar to his mom. So, spoiling him, doing chores for him. He will do his best to avoid responsability. At all causes. For ever if possible. When things go wrong in life it will be always someone else fault, never his. Egoist.
So, dear young lady.. think about it. Do you want to live like you do? If not, some changes should be done, some doors should close that another can open.
You can still love someone, I mean you can wish him all the best, but you don't have to live with him, you don't have to spend your precious time with people that are holding you back from the life you want to live. Life runs so fast. Each year goes by faster.
I feel like I am talking to my young me, when I was your age. And I wish I would believe the advice people gave me at that time. I really wish I would. But I admit. I was naive, thinking he will change, grow.. I was always thinking what can I do to make him feel better, maybe then he will realize.. he will put some affort... As I look back I see how many years I lost that way. Not only years. If I would step away earlier I would spare myself the whole process that I had to go through later. I wouldn't wait so long any more. I would never make so many excuses for his acts. No way.
Now I know. Yes it's true every story is different, every person is different, but the type of a person is what it is. He is just the type as you see him now. He might change eventualy, but more probably he will not. You will see the result with time. I can whisper to your ear: It's nicer to see the results from a distance ;)
When you are at your stage of understanding I believe it's time to move forward.
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