There's quite a few people out there telling me I should learn to be a better writer. They are obviously jealous, they don't understand the name of the game and they can't help but to hate on a dude. As they say, haters gonna hate. Ainters gonna aint... or something like that. But I set them straight, I told them - "What are you talking about? I was just on trending last week?"

You know what the problem is? I'll tell you what the problem is. These people, they don't know the name of the game, they don't know how this whole thing works. They think, you need to spellcheck shit to begin with, that's loser shit right there. You don't have to spellcheck!! What FOR???? OMG IDIOTS! I've made so much money, never even hit backspace on this keyboard, ever...

As a matter of fact I'm not even sure it the backspace on it works. Because using backspace is for losers too, write that down, write that down, cuz that is how us the good writers play the game. There is only a few things you need to know, and I'm going to give you all the tricks right here, because I'm feeling like doing some charity shit...

Be confusing AF

This one is key, if you are being clear about what you are writing about, then people are going to fact check you and shit like that, and that's not going to help anyone. You need to use random metaphors that don't connect and can be interpreted a thousand different ways so you can weasel out of anything.

There are many ways you can go about the images, but I've noticed that memes work the best. It doesn't matter if its been using 10000 times, don't worry about that, as a matter of fact its probably better. If the meme does not connect at all with the writing, also extra points, try to get pepe the frog in there if you can, he is the good default move, I promise.

Cite obscure references

Yes this one is one of my favs, think of a weird name, it doesn't matter, just make one up, but make sure it sounds legit. For example, lets say you were writing something related to relationships, right? So you know you need a name that sounds like a British Sociology professor, you know that's gonna give a random assertion some weight. You could try something like this:

"As the late Professor William Cholet the third use to say... "

And go right into your opinion. It works really good, because they will be to lazy to check and because the opinion didn't come from you per say (or so they think), you can weasel out.

Remember, remember... Make sure you can weasel out... People get triggered, super triggered when you talk crazy shit, but that is how you get into trending.

Well, not really, there is another thing you need to do to be the best author on Steem.

Learn to use the bots!!!!

HAHAHAHAHA its that simple, as a matter of fact, I'm yet to try it, but I think I should one day. I should just Lorem Ipsum my behind to the top trending spot! What do you say? Should I do it? It makes no difference really... I could put a little PIVX chart too... but this is even better, and just as easy.

Next weeks top Trending post right here:

Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit. Fusce at diam non quam lacinia lobortis vel ut risus. Aenean pharetra dui ut viverra tristique. In sed posuere libero. Phasellus sagittis tellus quis orci pretium viverra. Phasellus et ultrices leo, sed laoreet ipsum. Sed odio est, semper non dictum efficitur, euismod in odio. Quisque lobortis massa vel sollicitudin porta. Suspendisse ullamcorper porta nisl non auctor. Morbi sodales eros ut nibh condimentum, eu placerat quam auctor. Etiam vitae urna magna. Pellentesque id blandit ipsum.

Suspendisse vestibulum faucibus elit et porttitor. Quisque nec quam libero. Cras volutpat nibh vitae varius egestas. Ut mollis diam eu convallis porta. Suspendisse scelerisque interdum libero vitae feugiat. Mauris a viverra risus. Nulla facilisi. Quisque malesuada lacinia sapien, tempus aliquet massa. Quisque at purus metus. Quisque accumsan urna eros, eu posuere dui dignissim nec. Aenean maximus auctor magna, id finibus justo tempor eget. Morbi vel magna bibendum, placerat massa rutrum, viverra turpis. Quisque vestibulum eros sed ligula porta pharetra. Donec sodales ex at justo euismod, a egestas purus commodo.

Hey, I suspect you attempted to read that, don't it says nothing I promise and that's the point! That's why its perfect. Its the best way to make money... Yes, that is the only thing that matters.

But I just digressed... Where was I? Yes, yes.. BOTS!!! YOU NEED THE BOTS!!!

Don't listen to the Liars!!!

They will tell you that negative 88 ROI is a bad thing, but that's because they are jealous and they don't want you to make any money.

Listen, if you are going to do this, go big!! I mean go big... Make sure you are sending above a thousand dollars worth of bids or you are a loser, just like the other losers who probably spellcheck and complain all the time.

I've been making a killing, you have no idea how much money I've been making...

OOOHHH! Yes, before I forget... you are probably going to ask me how you are going to pay for this thing!! Yes, I know. JUST POWER DOWN!!!!! Its that simple, power down and send it all to the bots. I've been doing this for a while, I'm going to be a level 70 rep soon and I'm about to not be a red fish anymore.

I mean, its working out OK... the truth is that I thought I was going to grow a little faster, but that's because of the whales. The whales have this place rigged so that you stay small without Steem Power...

But that's another post I need to make for the trending page... That one I might even explore the backspace button!

I got my powerdown tomorrow... I should have enough to get my best author post on trending by next week...

Which one should I do? The lorem Ipsum or the Pepe the Frog goes to vegas Meme?

Let me know!!!!

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Disclaimer.-

Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental, and also.... The earth is flat.

Other posts by yours truly

_{• cute tiny eggs
• fake dawn philosophy - audio recording
• Thank you fake dawn
• right outside our window
• Limiting Satire? - Professor Gad Saad, always misunderstood.}

Real Disclaimer

This post is meant as a parody, a satire. I hate to have to say it, but past experiences have taught me not to assume everyone gets these things.