Single Parent Found Alive and Well in Playground with their Children after Smoking Marijuana

Another shocking event in an already horror-laden news week, Jan Armiensen, single mother of two, was found in a public playground with her children (4 and 6 years old) high on marijuana cannabis. The mother was apparently seen playing enthusiastically with both her children, having taken them out to enjoy the sun after a day at school. Concerned neighbours were appalled by her sheer joy and obvious love for her healthy kids.

"It's really shocking to see a seemingly normal person act seemingly normal after irresponsibly consuming illegal pot narcotics" says neighbourhood watch marshall Tabitha McGrey. "The way she was interacting with her kids, actively playing with them and encouraging their sense of imagination... You just don't expect to see something like that in your own back-yard."

Apparently, Tabitha and other members of the neighbourhood watch noticed the scent of marijuana and saw smoke issuing from the upstairs window of Jan's well-kept home earlier Tuesday afternoon.

Another neighbour, Dan Arden, explains. "It's really sickening. It seems she only takes drugs during the day - while her children are at school. She's a monster."

Police were called to the playground after Jan and her two children completed making a sand-castle in an out-of-the-way area of the sandy park. This was of particular concern to Tabitha, herself a mother of three shockingly overweight children:

"This was no ordinary sand castle. There was a moat, flag, everything. We were concerned she might convince her kids to establish a fiefdom and start taking other children as serfs - and we all know how that ends."

Police successfully apprehended Ms. Armiensen without struggle, finding a used lighter with safety removed and the remains of a "ganja cigarett-a" (also known by some delinquents as a "pot joint") inside a child-proof pill bottle in her purse. Jan is set to go to jail for a long long time, and her children have been placed under the tried and trusted care of Child's Services&Criminal Rehabilitation through Forced Parenthood Program.

"We always suspected Jan of dabbling in some form of illegal substance. She was often seen spending time outside gardening, or teaching her children to paint, sometimes even without brushes. It was barbaric." 

-IBS News