Satirically Yours: Aggroed's Flag Insurance Agency

in satiricallyyours •  7 years ago 

How many of you have you been in the following situation. You're minding your own business when some raging minnow starts flagging all your posts. Even worse you're on Steem making $40+ dollar posts day after day or week after week and suddenly a whale takes issue with your content, rewards, or behavior and decides to flag you?

Your First Flagcident!!!

You just got into your first flagcident! OH NO! You feel heart broken and distressed. You're worried about your reputation score, and also your livlihood. It's scary to be hit with a flag. Your first thought is to leave the platform or right an enraged letter of indignation neither of which will help you terribly much, BUT WHAT CAN YOU DO???

Are you prepared?

If you're not covered by Aggroed's Flag insurance than you are not prepared. By purchasing Aggroed's flag insurance you're buying peace of mind that your post rewards are safe from whale downvotes. Not only can we upvote your post after a big flag but in the case of a major flagcident we'll resteem your post to an additional 6,700 people ensuring you higher visibility than before the flagcident.

But Aggroed? What's if it's Bernie? or Transisto? OR EVEN WORSE BERNIE AND TRANSISTO?

You can rest easy

Not only can we return the lost earnings, but we'll make sure you come out ahead. It's all about peace of mind on the blockchain when you're insured by Aggroed!

Some exclusions apply

Posts critical of Aggroed
Posts critical of Minnow Support Project
Posts critical of Aggroed's friends
Posts critical of Aggroed's viewpoint
Whiny posts
inflamatory posts
hate speech
pro-government posts
posts using the words doot, nugget, or ginger
Posts about leaving steemit
Posts where you intentionally insulted a whale
Posts where you were raping the pool
Posts where you refer to Ned without a gender nuetral pronoun
Posts where you infer Acidyo is cooler than Aggroed
Posts where you're factually incorrect
Posts by authors who don't vote my witness
Posts by authors supporting witnesses I don't like
NSFW posts
Posts about other Crypto coins

Pricing and Availability

Pricing scales with SP on the platform. it's 1 sbd/month for a minnow. 20 SBD/month for a dolphin and 50 SBD/month for a Whale and 100 SBD/month for a high risk applicant.

Plans coming soon to a Steem platform near you. Relax your Steem is safe with us!

Authors get paid when people like you upvote their post.
If you enjoyed what you read here, create your account today and start earning FREE STEEM!
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I'm opening an almost exact flagsurance agency except that this one is the other way around

Posts where you infer Acidyo is cooler than Aggroed

and that it costs 0.1% less and is resteemed to more followers.

I'll be opening a legal service and you'll be our first defendant buddy!

Don't call me buddy, PAL! ;)

Don't call me PAL, friend! I'll also be starting a corporate mediation service. If you'd like to find time to meet with me I'd gladly accept payment for a mediation in lieu of a suit. This could save you substantial amounts of money and help you come to terms without extensive legal costs.

This entire exchange is what the platform needs more of.

This is priceless :)

I am so proud of this exchange 🤛

Where do I sign up ;)

Haha!! This is great. So I've been meaning to come and check you out ever since I ran across this post by steemit's resident nutjob. Then the last couple of days I've been either distracted by everything going on or disgusted by it and I forgot until I was telling my husband about coocoointhenoggin. So I voted on your witness then moseyed over to discord where Linda had dropped this link to me stating "Here's a way to get a good chuckle from all the flagging" along with asking if I'd voted on your witness yet. Synchronicity!
I've been endorsing @teamsteem and @ausbitbank at the bottom of all my posts, looks like I was missing a part of the gang which I will remedy now :)

P.S. What is a doot?
P.S.S. Are you a red head?
hee hee

I'm auburn. Not a full ginger.

A doot is urban dictionaryable.

Thanks for the new support! Glad to have you here!

I dictionaried the dictionaryable doot.

doot.gif

Great stuff. Though if you were a fair dinkum insurance mob yo would have put your exclusions in fine print and maybe shaded them a light grey.

"Posts where you refer to Ned without a gender nuetral pronoun" Much LOLs for this one.

If it's been 5 months since my last flagcident are my rates going to be affected? Do my rates go up for trolling Bernie even if I agree with him 90% of the time? Can you really guarantee that I come out ahead against BOTH Bernie and Transisto? I am certainly interested in the service, but I want to be sure I'll be covered affordably.

I'm glad you've asked. Users are assigned "points" for every flag they receive. As they receive more points their rates will go up. If you're able to go 7 years without a flagcident we'll lower your rates for good behavior.

This is sales. We'll guarentee anything in the advertising!

Since steemit time runs in dog years, you mean one gregorian calendar year right? (The dog year steemit calendar has been agreed upon by many, based on...well it's all very scientific) Also, do you count flags from @asshole?
My one year anniversary is in one week, wayhay! (I have me boom's permission to use that) And I've never had a flagcident outside of @asshole. Hmm, not sure whether to be proud of that or not... okay that's a lie, I'm proud of my charming self. That's not an egotistical remark, just ask @clayboyn, he'll tell you. Oh crap, he might get on my case for not putting up my next playground episode yet...wait to ask him until Friday.
lol ;)

keeps checking

Hahahaaaa...wait, you're George Clooney? I knew it!

Thanks for making me laugh!

Also the comments below between you and @acidyo are fricken hilarious, we need more of this - keep it up :D

I LOVE THIS POST!!!!!! Thanks for the smile today!!!!! Upvoted and resteemed!!!!!

I have to admit that your response is much more light-hearted than the immutable tirade I just committed to the blockchain. Thank you for the comic relief!

(I know a good actuary, so if you need a pricing model...)

Great

  ·  7 years ago (edited)

You made me laugh, is this true? Can I buy flag insurance? hahaha I don't have to worry no whale is going to flag my posts and minnows ignore me except the friggen resteem bots because I am not in the circle jerking crowd or some whales favorite giving me huge rewards....sigh, I keep asking @berniesanders to be my patronus as a supporter of my awesome talent but right now he is ignoring me, he won't even throw me a curse. And @transisto won't even teach me the art of spotting villains raping the rewards pull.....my feelings are hurt :-(

There's a handful of ways to get their attention. I don't think it's all that hard, but in the end you may regret having it. Those are names that you shouldn't say like voldemort.

I ‘ve already been paying for pissing off bernie, I have nothing to lose 😈

It's real simple these days to get your first flag from the Bern. All you've got to do is write that research post you've been telling me that you are going to do one of these days. And make sure that you let me know so that I can give it a full upvote. And Voila! You've earned your first flag from around 50 accounts. You may even earn a comment calling you a f**ing moron!
Let me know if you plan on joining in on the fun!

I have been flagged and supported by Bernie, now I’m determined to write my history of vaccines article, bad attention is better than no attention 😝

Careful what you wish for!

  ·  7 years ago (edited)

Bernie and I have go at it over another friend of mine he went after...@krnl and I can't find his blog now! edit...I found him, I guess I am not that good of a friend I forgot his name...@krnel

I thought you said that you had never been flagged by a whale. It's not recent, is it?

  ·  7 years ago (edited)

It happened last flag war, I prolly forgot....only once....I chewed Bernie’s tail. Plus I don't remember saying I've never been flagged, I am getting old.

Awesome dude.
Finishing off the post with a Smokin Babe too. Nice!

You like that touch? I'm so pleased with myself right now!!!!

Not for nothing I voted your witness! You are awesome!

  ·  7 years ago (edited)

😂
In all seriousness - there are some people promoting themselves 'professional downvoters'. One of wich is @bloom, whom I am hereby invite to debeate his position as a 'Professional Downvoter" on Freeze Peach Radio with @r0nd0n and I. For they see it as their job to intimidate and punish factual/historical/political viewpoints different from than their own.

Of course, Freeze Peach Radio Botty is supported by a community of delegators and donators that seeks to be exactly that - an insurance against unjust downvotes - not for plagiarism and fraud, but merely for expressing their own views.

Will you have the courage, @bloom, to debate us? Will you welcome the oppportunity to make your points on LIVE Radio? We look forward to having you. Bring your friends, colleagues and people who send 1000's of SP into your account regularly. 🔊

@aggroed

  ·  7 years ago (edited)

are furries and other aminals covered under this policy? how about if i dont mention gingers but refer to freckles? and how about Acts of God? God was on this morning and said he might smite the FCC for me and this might boomerang on us, so i wondered if that was covered..

Use of freckles does not naturally fall u dear the ginger exclusion policy, but if the freckles are attached to a ginger it is a grey area and your votes may not be returned in full. For millenials furries you will first be plowed by intense doses of MDNA, followed by alternating doses of caffeine, weed, Ritalin, and Xanex. With that proper concoction we can restore you to a medically induced "normal" state and begin to unwind and deal with your flagcident.

Acts of god will not be covered under the standard policy, but if you are willing to purchase the premium god service we will be glad to cover you.

grumbles about mod abuse, quackery and discrimination against freckle lovers. considers the insurance for access to free drugs (to be ghetto marketed in a rabbit hole safe-pad...

do you accept freckles as payment?

Thanks for the much needed smile and laugh that you gave me buddy! I really needed it today.
AWESOME POST!

You are very welcome! You may be my first customer!

I'm sure that your insurance will really pay off for me ... lol ...
People will have to start just muting me instead of flagging me -- imagine that!

Come on @ned, Please remove flag feature from @steemit. Just pug report tool, so the user coul report all kind of harassment to be reviewed by your team.

So far, the flag feature is often exploited by those who are jealous to annoy other users.

Hahahahahaha

INB4 N00bs start sending money lololol

Thanks that really good to know.

Not planning at all is also a planning to fail! Insurance is a big deal in all aspects of life, and steemit can not be left out.

Introducing Aggroed's Flag Insurance Agency.

Aggroed is known for peace and liberty, and I think this is a big consolation.

Part of peace is peace of mind! With our insurance we can help you rest easily. it's easy to use, hassle free, completely organic, vegan, fair trade, and made with love.

If it is vegan it is good!

If steem becomes mainstream, I wouldn't be surprised if this insurance idea became a thing!

Also, I'd have a very hard time meditating if my instructor looked like that. And I do mean hard.

Thanks for information

very good post friend follow me and I'll follow you vote + vote @recreacionesdulc

As I started to read this article I was excited, finally someone doing something around these parts. And then... to my utter dismay as I was reading thru the exclusions I see that you have specifically attacked the nugs....

Me and @clayboyn lay the nugs hard on PAL, so this is personal. We collected so far 300 signatures to change your policies and will be submitting them in writing before the week is over.

Yours dearly

#nuglife

So many people triggered in one post!!!

Aside from our glee we're sorry about your situation. For a small fee of 400 SBD/month we can add nuggets back into your policy as a covered item.

LOL I have been waiting to see something like this come out...

Cracks me up! Upvoted for laughability. Awesome. Think I will even resteem it. Thanks for the chuckle. @dakini5d

LOL, well done. But seriously, is there a discount if I add my house and car?

Didn’t now you were a comedian 😂😂😂😂😂

QUALTIY HD

Sign me up!

Can I flag you for passing this flagrant blog? 😂

Do you have insurance for that? Well, since I don't, I'm going to need to purchase @acidyo's after this post 😎

OK! Thems are fightin' words!!!! B and T just got their first customer outta me!

🤤🤤🤤🤤🤤😓😓😓😓😢😢😢😢😢😨😨😨😨😨😱😱😱😱😵😵😵☠️☠️☠️

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Haha, oh this cracked me up! I do love a bit of humour on top of all this nonsense :0)

Can I get a discount, I was flagged already and have no SBD's. You take accounts suffering from this condition prior to purchase of said insurance?

ha! what them other guys said..... resteem....

I FEEL PERSONALLY ATTACKED.

yes, well, we are so sorry to hear that. It appears by your use of bold and all caps that you may be triggered. For a small 8 steem fee you can spend 15 minutes listening to calming music with overtones suggesting you neither rage quit nor write a horrible message about it. Click yes if you'd like to have this service. Click no if you don't want this service but would like to be inundated with comments and DMs regarding our other services on a daily basis. For all other languages please type three.

mashes keypad because my fingers are too fat

"Buying peace of mind" can never be a bad deal :-)
Great post! Thanks for putting a smile on so many faces today.

It's my absolute pleasure. Thanks for stopping by my wall.

Oh god; how long before we start getting annoying salespeople calling us up just as we're sitting down for dinner? Have you or your partner been flagged in the last 7days?

Ugh!

:-)

Cg

Have you or a loved one been flagged recently.

Arrrggg! I bet you've already called Indian Call Centre Solutions, haven't you?!!

Cg

Hmmm......Flagsurance. That's innovative. But the conditions could be adjusted to get more patronage.

Lots of laughs cracks me up great idea I want to support you I'll start by resteeming this

I just realized psychopaths don’t get satirical diologue🤮

What happened? You get flagged?

  ·  7 years ago (edited)

I've been going over the comments from some of Steemit's members that are heavily involved in flagging anti vaccine articles and the "alternative to modern day science/government control grid community." I kind of realized a lot of the large accounts have psychopathic tendencies and your satirical post reminded me of all my abnormal psychic class work I did in college and the large body of work I've read about sociopaths and psychopaths. Plus I grew up with a stepfather that was also a child predator....They all have one thing in common, they do not get subtle humor or subtle emotional/mental/physical states like the virtues. It's easier to see in their body language but the dialogue here is very obvious, they are not trying to hide their predator nature at all.

I was flagged on some post when I was making 300 a week, that was several months ago maybe even longer. But all my posts are worth at least 8 hours of work because of the art so the flagging was ridiculous and I called the flaggats on their behavior and they back off.

There is no single trigger larger than the vaccine debate. People are trying to protect babies from death on both sides. The science and marketing is there to prove it's all safe, and the challenge is to realize the science is tobacco science and the marketing is astroturf. Until then though you're protecting babies from dying at the hands of a nut job.

The problem with the medical institution is they treat everyone the same. But I am talking about the dialogues in the debate from both sides. That's all, we can argue until we are blue in the face about the facts. It's the tone of the discussion from the pro vaccine side that is disconcerting.

Now I am done for the day with this, I am cooking for Thanksgiving. I am happy my family is healthy, I avoided giving my children vaccines but now my Daughter is fighting the system as well....time to go bake some cookies <3

Congratulations @aggroed!
Your post was mentioned in the hit parade in the following category:

  • Comments - Ranked 9 with 80 comments

Do I get a group rate?

You'll have to get your whole office to sign up for that.

posts using the words doot, nugget, or ginger

I'm ok not using the first two...

And dammit! Always too late to the party!

It's a savage business!

Sure is, but I'm learning... ;)

This is why I'm eagerly awaiting:

The Steemit Mean Girls Red Paper

Listing the 47 ways you can make a whale mad so they blow you into oblivion. I'm hoping this Red Paper is in production now and you have the perfect Lindsay-like photo for the cover up above.

I promise to read the Red Paper even though I could not get through the other colors.

This post has received a 11.90 % upvote from @aksdwi thanks to: @aggroed.

This post has received gratitude of 0.97 % from @appreciator thanks to: @aggroed.