What it is like to live with Schizophrenia

Sitting in a sterile hosptial environment, I saw a doctor step in the room. She told me, "You have Schizophrenia." It's a scary diagnosis for someone who is around 18 years old. So many questions ran through my mind. What has caused this? Is it a life sentence? Flash-forward, and I've been living with the illness for over 10 years now. I still don't have the answer to either of those questions.

It took about three to four years for me to finally accept this disease as a mental illness. When I was first diagnosed there was something mystical about the disease, even magical. The circumstances surrounding my illnesses were very suspicious as to whether something I did caused it. That something being either the supplements, drugs, esoteric spiritual practices, or something else.However, as the years passed by, I realized that if I just accepted the mainstream view of it and took the medication, I'd be better off.

The first medicine I ever took was Risperidone, and it is the one I'm taking to this very day. One thing I noticed when I started taking risperidone, is that I was enjoying life again. (It's known to have mood-stabilizing and antidepressant effects). I found this out because I had gone the majority of my life in some kind of doldrum. I didn't enjoy most things in life and I felt oppressed by the society surrounding me. This was even before I began showing symptoms of Schizophrenia. Then, there was also the intelligence that Risperidone brought to me. Before I took Risperidone I was not a very bright individual, but along the way I began being able to draw more complex art. Needless to say, all of the wonderful things I've seen as a result of medication have some downsides as well. The biggest one has been the weight gain I've experienced. My weight has fluctuated around 280 and 300 pounds for the past 5 years or so.

Despite the rollercoaster that having a mental illness is, I want people to know that there is hope. Hope comes in the form of many things. It can come in the form of an antipsychotic medicine, it can come as a counselor, or it can come as a friend or family member. I've learned many coping mechanisms over the years, mindfulness, cognitive behavioral therapy, and self-inflicted pain. But none of those coping mechanisms have weathered the test of time. The two most important things to a person with Schizophrenia are medication and friends/family in my opinion. If you have those, then you're set.

Through the throes of madness I can say that I have arose triumphant. Not because I'm the most successful person in the world. Not because I'm some author, singer, or scientist. The reason I'm triumphant is because I'm still here, whole, and sane. But most importantly, I asked for help when I needed it.

Remember if you or a family member is suffering from a disease of the mind. "Trees grow well under contrary winds, and diamonds are made under pressure." - by unkown