I have been gone from my computer (and apart - ment ..... lol) for one month. Since December 20.12.17 I had prior to this been planning for quite some time, a visit the desteni farm in South Africa. I flew with my dad to South Africa, 4rth of January. Now, this was a long flight, phew... many hours - to fly from Sola, Norway to Durban SA, and it wore on me quite a bit as it was not all easy for me particular after landing in Johannesburg airport, where I was more or less jumped by my own mind/energy overdrive. I had been suppressing the negative experience on the plane ride down there. And having landed in joburg it came back hard ! I had a nervous breakdown or a panic attack between flights - not sure what to call it. First my head hurt, and then my stomach started hurting. I thought to myself that this was it lol... lost at night in joburg airport with my dad at sleep - me guarding our bags. I felt scared and lost, like all hope was gone. I thought it was a physical point and it was - though it was coming from energies within mind. But I would cling on to common sense. I breathed and breathed, and tried to look for what my options where. I started to massage the insight of my hands. After a some few minutes of massaging the inside of my hands - I would change my awareness point, with thinking to myself that this could be a mind point, a energy point - not a physical, virus, bacteria point, that I would imagine it to be. So I had also brought with me some medications from my doctor, with the correct papers and all. So I took a valium. After not many seconds I started to feel relief. And slowly the pain would dissolve all together. I would calm my mind. I felt better and I was able to function again. We later left for Durban and to desteni farm, and I had a wonderful time there, so my joburg airport point was my point of consideration/concern during my trip.
So what did I learn from this ?
First of all I learned to trust more the medication that is there available from the doctor. I mean I have schizophrenia and I have to consider that dimension in my life. There are millions of people that are in need of daily doses of medication, and shamming this is not supportive. The pharmacy companies might not be all that "nice" - but If we look honest and deep inside ourselves none of us are - which means we would need to change - to become better versions of self. After all we are what we create, so within so without. So we have the tools now, to change walking with desteni.org : So I would learn to trust and to take accordingly my medication - when needed.
Second I also learned to breathe no matter what happens just breathe through it.
And I also learned that I am capable to fly that far and make it - even though I have schizophrenia.
Self forgiveness to release energies, on flying, suppression & panic episode:
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into a state of numbness/carelessness on the plane just zooming out and into a state of fuzz and disorder, and by that justifying/accepting the suppression of energies/emotions within.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deny to take responsibility for the suppression of energies within while on the plane to joburg.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel scared and lost at joburg airport when the energies would strike me out.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame my mind as if it was not all a part of me.
And I had a awesome time with my friends at the farm. Here is a video from the farm, a interview of me, about my process through schizophrenia, done by @kimzilla