#ScriptureSunday - Feeding the 5000 in Yorkshire and how Jesus could solve modern day hunger...all in good faith ;-)

Now everyone knows that God created the universe, but the only part he actually got right was the county of Yorkshire in England. It's beautiful cities, rolling and dramatic countryside and stunning coastline dotted with picturesque towns and villages could only have been created in such perfection by an almighty master creator. He then created the most wonderful and friendly people there. Sadly, he put so much creative juice into Yorkshire that he used it all up and his subsequent creations just didn't cut the mustard. To prove this, one only has to look at Antartica. He was really bored then and just threw a few mountains together, he couldn't be arsed with plants and stuff so to hide his tardiness covered it with snow so no one could see and as for people, he didn't invent any there as they'd have died off pretty quickly attempting to live on snow and freezing their rocks off.

Even within England, although he went on to create the southern counties, some of which look pretty nice, he lost the plot when it came to populating it, just sticking a few grumpy and unfriendly buggers together before sitting back and watching them all not talking to each other with great amusement.

When God decided to send his son to earth to sort out a few bits and bobs that weren't going particularly well, despite what the bible says, he chose to send him to Yorkshire due to the high moral standards of the ladies and proliferation of highly intelligent people which is of course as God had created them. Let's be honest, Jesus couldn't have been born in the USA for example, where in gods name would they have found three wise men ? ....or a virgin come to that..so no, Jesus was born in Yorkshire.

To prove it, here is the story of the time Jesus was up in the Yorkshire Dales with a load of stalkers from down south who were hoping he would tell them the secret of becoming a Yorkshire person.....

The hill in the Yorkshire Dales that Jesus fed the 5000 southern softies. Notice the sheep that have always lived in these parts, they were the actual sheep written about in the famous Christmas Carol 'While Shepards Watched their flocks by night'

Johnny 6:1-14 New Yorkshire Version (NYV)

Jesus Feeds the Five Thousand

6 Some time after this, Jesus crossed to the far shore of Pontefract Park boating lake 2 and a great crowd of people from London had followed him because they saw the signs he had performed by making people friendly and kind. 3 Then Jesus went forth up into the Yorkshire Dales and sat down with his disciples. 4 The Yorkshire Pudding Festival was near.

5 When Jesus looked up and saw a great crowd coming toward him, he said to young Phil, “Wheer shall we buyt' bread fo't these folk to scoff?” 6 He asked this only to test him, for he already had in mind what he was going to do.

7 Young Phil answered him, “It 'ud tek mooer than half a year’s wages t'buy enough bread for each on 'em t'have a bite!”

8 Another of his disciples, Andy, Simple Simon Pete’s brother, spoke up, 9 “Ey up, theres a lad 'ere wi five tidgy hovis loaves and a pair o' minnow, but how the 'ell is that gonna be enough snap for all t' southern nancies 'ere?"

10 Jesus said, “Sit thee darn lads.” There was plenty of grass in that place, and they plonked their arses (about five thousand men were there - a womans place was in the home at this time of course). 11 Jesus then took the loaves, gave thanks,"cheers cock" and distributed to those who were seated as much as they wanted. He did the same with the fish.

12 When they had all had enough to eat, he said to his disciples, “Get thee down of thee hands n knees and pick up all them crumbs' Dun't be wasting nowt". 13 So they gathered them and filled twelve baskets with the pieces of the five barley loaves left over by those who had eaten. Not sure where all the baskets appeared from but Jesus then used the crumbs to make bread and butter pudding. Yes, I know he didn't have any butter...or raisens but he's Jesus, he just did some Jesus fuckery and they appeared.

14 After the people saw the sign Jesus performed, they began to say, “Surely this is the Prophet who is to come into the world to create Asda until it gets bought out by Walmart."

So you see, this is conclusive proof that Jesus was from Yorkshire cos it says so in the bible.......

Fast forward 2000 years. And the Christians are still waiting for the second coming of Jesus as was promised in the bible, and between that day Jesus allegedly fed all those people, and today, millions and millions have died throughout the world from starvation. It's estimated that this year alone 36 million people will die from hunger or hunger related disease....

Let's do some maths :-)

It took 5 loaves and 2 small fishes to feed 5000...

36 000 000 / 5000 = 7200 so it would take -

7200 x 5 = 36,000 loaves of bread and 14,000 fishes....just a few supermarket trolleys full, come on Jesus, where are you when youre truly needed ??

But getting back to reality...to feed 36000000 for a year at $2 a day would cost......

$26,280,000,000 or $26 billion.

To put that into context, thats just $3.80 for every human on earth or

The USA defence budget this year is $603 billion dollars or

The Bank of China has $2.4 trillion in assets or, and perhaps most saliently -

The Catholic church has an estimated $30 billion in trust....thats the church, that with the stroke of a pen on a cheque could save 36million lives.....but it won't. God bless 'em...

Thanks for dropping by. Your Upvotes and Resteems are gratefully received but your comments and engagement are truly appreciated. Let's keep up the debate. Thank you

@nathen007

Life's not about the hustle. It's all about the humanity