Living off of the scraps of other people's generosity, pity, carelessness. A self-imposed isolation so complete that I forget how I should interact with folks-- how I want to interact with them. Steeped in the throes of addiction: porn, drugs, self-hate and self-pity, video games, internet-browsing, food.
My state of mind starts to decay, as does my body, as I further isolate myself from real interaction and meaningful relationships. My ambitions(s) go(es) to shit as I have stopped setting goals for myself and working towards any idea of a future.
My only friends are dummies, asses, the mentally retarded, stagnant umpteen-year olds, and magnets of misfortune.
Together we spiral down into the depths of our hollow selves.
Tormented by the past and my daily failure to change the present. Eventually even the (false) hope dims then dies - ["Perhaps today..."]
I cannot hide my state from my parents, and am too apathetic to try. The apathy spills over onto all parts of my life, killing friendships that could have been. Opportunities that never got to exist. Experiences I never got even close to having that would have been mine had I just reached out...
The hunger will be there for a while, and because it's ignored, will grow more and more painful. Sadly (and worse, it will come as a relief) that too will eventually devour itself; then I am left with a numbness, complete.
Bitter, immobile, miserable, numb, pathetic, apathetic, corrupt, vengeful.