Coping With A Low Self-Esteem:

The best things one can do to over-come a self-esteem issue is to know the triggers of a self-esteem problem so that you don't build a "Bottom Line" for having a self-esteem created.  You can ignore the thoughts that makes you feel bad about yourself, even if they are coming from loved ones, a family member or a friend.  You can let go of what makes you feel powerless by starting to create from and do the things that you love.  Build a list of things that you like; such as rollerblading and exercise, or reading and writing, and build from those things that you love doing, and let nothing stand in your way of that.

There are plenty of people willing to sabotage your attempt at building a better life for yourself, and from what I've found, this can even be from the people you are said to trust.  Like; like police, psychiatrists, therapists or any other person.  They are just people and put on their pants the same way you do.  Some of us might have a harder time then others when doing the things that make us happy, but the point here is not to have an overnight success, but to be able to build from the things that you enjoy.

I for one enjoy a variety of things, from the things that I've mentioned before to music, movies, and even reading from articles online.  I love learning, and have grown fascinated with the human experience in that, there are people that are out to harm you, and what you can do to manage those things.  If you find a reason to live, and have purpose and meaning in your life - then you've found the "why" part of maintaining your self-esteem, and it's all about finding the "how" as you go on.  But, chances are that you can have an easier time when you set up a goal plan and also, don't do things that stand in others way.  Although, a lot of people are more successful in their financial life being this way, it's not right, and it is very wrong and intimidating to cling to reasons to be mean or spiteful at a person, or with another person.  It is to me, what makes no sense from mankind.

It's not so much the words that hurt us that come out, or the the insults, or the pain they inflict, but the knowledge that this is mankind and how people are willing to be with each other while they are here.  It hurts to a deeper core to know that this is the kind of actions that can come from a person whom we are said to trust - like cops, or psychiatrists and doctors.  But, the point here is, to remember that they too are just people and they are not better then you especially when they play games with your emotions and to entangle you into a web so-to-speak of a drought of feeling as though you can trust anybody.  It is to me one of the worst things that someone can do, as it breaks down the barriers for a larger problem to occur.  Same things happen when someone opens up to you about something with a hidden plan or motive behind it - and to get you to open up about yourself, and get inside of your mind.  They aren't doing these things to be nice first of all, but instead they are doing it to attack you as a character.

It's easy to fall into a crisis from the way that people are willing to treat you, but chances are that they aren't even remotely caring about you at all.  What I'm saying, is that they get paid either way.  Especially the cops and the doctors don't really have to care that much about you.

When you get yourself into trouble, which is easy to do these days since you can basically just kick a garbage can over and can end up in jail, you'll see that these people running things aren't the nicest people at all.  They do this sort of work everyday, and you're just another number.  You're not a person.  You're not a name.  And, frankly, no one there cares about people what-so-ever it seems unless you're in the "in" crowd.  And, what is that "in" crowd?  It's people of favorites.  And, cops and people wearing badges do drugs the same ways other people do, so if you're not helping these people in some fashion, chances of being the guy that gets locked up longer, or sent to a padded room get heightened.  Then, your chances of being abused go up right along with that fact.

Look, I was shot at by a cop, so when I go to cops who protect cops looking for help - I'm not allowed to get any "help" as you may think because these cops are sons of other cops just trying to protect the interest of their son - the cop that shot at me.  The same goes for if you if someone tried to kidnap you.  I think the moral of their story is too bad they didn't get away with it, because - if you were given the chance to speak for change, you would speak against these self-righteous folks running things and ruining your chance to be heard.  You want the chance to be heard, and not just heard - but listened to.  Not only do you want that chance, but you "need" that chance if anything is going to change for you in your life.  

Not to mention the fact of what happened to me, but - I am still facing the forces of evil right now and here today, in Minnesota.  They all have their show of force being run under the radar, but they are very much just people too, like you or I, and deserve to get taken off the force if this is the kind of bad business that goes on, and with that being said, I believe that this is the kinds of things that happen.  If you can't speak, and these people continue to do what they are willing to do, and what they are going to do, you won't ever get the chance to be heard, nor will you be listened to.  After all, you're just some punk confused kid, why would anyone listen to you?  

Family, friends, communities and even people you trusted are the same way.  I believe people are paid off to make certain that others are feeling down, because as long as you are down, and not trusting anyone, then you are exactly where they want you.  You are in fear of certain people and certain actions of police that are out to harm you.  They are NOT out to help you.  They may fake, contort their faces to think that they aren't evil, but what they are really doing is trying to trick you into thinking that they have some decency in them, when in fact they are just trying to collect evidence against you.  

Mind you, this isn't hard when your friends and family turn away from you.  You are left vulnerable, isolated and even homeless without anyone or anything in your favor, and slowly the story falls down the rabbit hole.  You feel as though you have no one to turn to, and no one to trust.  But, you open up and do it anyways, because you've got something to share, and you've got worth.  You're worth everything that you intended to be on earth for, and when someone is out to stop that, then you've got to realize that you have to fight harder and get more and more driven in your ability to succeed.  You have to stop wearing your heart on your sleeve and start fighting for what you know is right in your heart.  These people can't continue to get away with what they are doing, and when they do - you lose - and you lose a lot.

Make lists of things that you can do, and start with what's in front of you.  You have to know that there are people, relentless people, that will try to mold you into a person that won't open up, because they don't want you to open up, and they don't want the truths to come out.  You're free! You're worth the feeling of being free from this, and it's a lot of tyranny that you face when you are trying to dig yourself out a hole that can run deeper then anyone ever knows.  It can be psychologically damaging to you, and even can be covert, because covert is hard to prove.  But, when you know you have something better inside of yourself to do - you're going to fight for it - right?

I've always thought, these people don't care about me, to hurt me.  They aren't afraid of me.  And, they really don't have to be, because I've already forgiven them.  But, have they forgiven themselves?  I don't think that they have.  Maybe some of them even can't!  Either way, I forgive them, because I don't want this thing to go any further and me end up dead because of hearing bullets whizzing by me as a kid coming from a guy that was a cop the next week.  His father was a cop, and his fathers' father was a cop.  I was just some poor kid, so I didn't stand a chance.  But, the more and more that I get handed over to these people with false agendas in mind, the more and more that I feel and know that I'm under attack.  It doesn't matter if people believe me or not, because I'm the one living on the inside of my skin, and they aren't.  I'm the one dealing with all the pressures, while they aren't.  I have a feeling that rings true every time I'm in these situations and that is that I fear unusual behaviors coming from the same people that would have done this to me as a kid.  

So, as for my low self-esteem, I feel as though it's all been created.  These people don't care about me, and won't care about me, because they have their own jobs and incomes on the line where - if I was heard and listened to for what it truly was - I know I'd be in the right, and I believe that you do too.  Just reading this, I believe anyone with the right mind would know who was telling the truth and who was not.  But, that isn't the point either.  The point is that I've got a fight ahead of me and behind me, and I've been wanting to put it to rest.  It's just the fact that I feel these people don't now, that I've got to fight for my life.

When you get pulled over when you aren't even doing anything wrong.  I can't even fight that!?  When I was paying my child support and yet immediately after getting my drivers' license back, I'm pulled over for having a suspended license even though I shouldn't have.  If I can't fight meta data being tricked in the favor of people in uniform, who do I have?  What justice can come from it, for me?  I went to court with a letter from my child support hearing officer and the judge just says that he doesn't understand plain old English, how am I supposed to fight it?

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The fact of the matter is that I got super depressed, feeling as though, this was going to be my life forever?  But, it isn't.  God assures me that this isn't the end of my fight, and neither should yours be.  If you have something to say, you had better say it while you're here and alive, because you're fighting trial after trial, and all over reasons that these people might not be able to trust that you are forgiving them.  That you would stay silent about it.  And, it's wrong to have to think this way, but this is in fact how I've had been forced to feel by police in my life.  And, when I speak out about it, it's because I wanted a real chance to have justice and liberty just like anyone else.  It's ruined my life.  It's ruined me from having jobs, and it's basically killed my heart along with everything else that is scarce that other people are willing to do.

You don't have to be in some concentration camp to be made to feel as though you have no way out.  All you have to be is dealing with a sequestered atmosphere of police and doctors and landlords and people all willing to make money over you, one way, or another.  If I can't be heard now, then I'm going to the press and, since I can't and haven't been able to go to the press about anything in my past with how I've been treated... I'm going to become the press myself.

They say they want me to let go of conspiracy theories and things that I've gone through, but - what if I can't?  What if I'm being forced into a life that is not of my own doing?  What if these people are really trying to covertly hurt me, or get me so down that anyone would want to throw themselves against the fence?  I don't!  But, I've had feelings as though anyone else would.  If you can't work hard enough, and can't get the money fast enough - you lose.  And, you lose a lot! You lose your whole life to these people.  If I can't then even hold three jobs or two, trying to make my ends meet, I'm going to find an unconventional way to make money, which is why I got into network marketing in the first place.  I wanted to create a movement to change this whole world and all to change my own circumstances.  I know that people deserve to live freer then that are able to, and I know that people have a greatness inside of themselves that hasn't even begun to be awoken yet, because - I'm there right now.  I'm there all the time.  I've been unpaid by too many jobs, mistreated and misunderstood by too many people running things in a fashion that should be recognized more like abuse, but are covert - so again, they are hard to prove.

When you are dealing in a sort of way that makes you KNOW that you are feeling attacked.  You are!  The only thing you've got to know is that you have to fight for what you know is right.   You have to find a way out of the mess that these people are willing to place you in and know that you're not depressed.  You don't have a chemical imbalance like they want you to believe, because then you basically have tape over your mouth and are going to fight a dying immune system.  You have to know that you aren't supposed to be censored, and aren't supposed to be treated by these people in a cruel or unconventional way - and when they do, you've got to know that you are up against a force.  And, this force is made up of people that are just pure evil.  They are wicked!

You have to retrain your thoughts to know that you have compassion and understanding better then what you are being recognized with, and that you aren't able to get validated for who you are, because these people will say, do or create anything they wish for - for you to be attacked in a sort of way where they would honestly think you'd die from already.  Well, shock these people with your life and love and let them know that you're not going to stop.  You don't have to stop, and nor should you ever feel as though you have to stop.

Here is my list:  

Speak out, write, journal, play an instrument, learn something that you've always wanted to do, play games with friends, meet new people, explore life and all that it has to offer, read, go for walks or roller-blade, exercise, practice relaxation therapy, get out in the sun, take photography shots, get out with a friend or a loved one, ask for help, write letters, blog, steem, create a movement, help someone in need, increase your social support, change your mood on purpose, be happy on purpose, smile on purpose, laugh out loud, make plans with special loved ones, encourage others to change, encourage others in any way, sleep better, pick up an old hobby, do something on your bucket list, be open to hugs, hold hands with your best life-partner, tell someone that you love them, compliment yourself on a job well-done, pray, volunteer your time, use relaxation skills to relax, compliment a person, eat healthy, make lists of goals and things that you want to do, and remember that you have greatness within you.

All of these things help me when I'm feeling down, and whenever I feel like I can't do some of these things, I force myself.  When you force yourself enough times, you get used to trying harder and being more, and will more then likely amaze yourself.  

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You've got to know that you are worth more.  I don't believe in depression unless we are talking about a depression.  Depression to me is not a chemical imbalance - rather depression is something that is created from outside of ourselves.  If you are bought into the fact that you are depressed, you'll be depressed, and when you tell yourself that you aren't any longer depressed, you can over-come depression and can heal.

I believe with God all things are possible.  I don't think that this statement is just a metaphor, but a fact.  I have asked God for these things to go away, and they went away.  I said with absolute faith, that these things would come to pass, and certain things did.  As I still struggle with my faith, I'd like you also to struggle with me and ask God things that you think are impossible, as only then are we able to get real results.

Thanks for all your prayers, and thanks for reading these - it means a lot to me, and hopefully it will mean a lot to someone else as well.  

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