Near death experience.
Something that many people perceive as extremely special, a state that will give answers to their all life questions about God, afterlife and whatever they perceive as important in their life.
One such experience of mine was quite special.
In March 2012 I was in hospital in a pretty bad condition, big tragedy happened to me and as result I had whole body poisoning ... and extremely strong depression without will to live.
I did give up, I felt strong guilt and I was full of hate. Typical, right?
I was so angry, my baby died in me. I decided to die.
I always had great control over my body, and in this case it was quite easy. My body was already very weak. Doctors were wondering why medicine is not working, they were sending to me psychologists, and the more people were bothering me, the more I wanted to die...
Life was leaving my body with each hour more and more. I could´t walk normally, each step was so painful and I had to rest every few seconds. Fainting...
I spent most time in bed. Killing myself more and more with guilt and hate, thinking how would she be if she would be born.
I felt like i am floating above my body, and I just saw everything everywhere, wherever my focus went. I wanted to see HER.
Suddenly I saw a beautiful little girl playing cheerful on green fields full of flowers, where sky was perfectly blue and it was always sunny.
She called me there and I joined her.
I just manifested self there, I didn´t feel connection with my body on earth anymore.
It was amazing there, everything felt so light, no problems, just joy of BEING. I felt so good, I had her, she was just perfect, just changed her looks sometimes. She was full of love, showing me that I should admire all the beauty around me, enjoy touching flowers, the fresh breeze, comfortable in every possible way. I felt better than ever. Compared to earth life, it was just pure perfection.
Nature was singing a song of life, I felt everything dancing around me. I wanted to be part of this all... forever.
And the beautiful little girl became sad...
I could feel her thoughts, she was not happy with my decision.
Her thoughts were like feelings that I felt directly in my heart. There was so much love, great love and desire to spend time with me. I felt as if she is my guide, teacher, her maturity was way ahead of my ability to understand it.
I felt: "There is so much I want to show you, tell you, teach you. I love to spend time with you, enjoy your presence, your love and care. Here we have everything we desire, everything is just made for us, so we ONLY enjoy our BEING. But you cannot stay here, you have a mission to fulfill. You are very important, your presence on earth matters. You make the difference, you create the change. You should do same thing on Earth as You did here. Enjoy life, listen to yourself, do what you desire, what you love, shine your light bright. And remember... we will meet again".
Suddenly I saw and felt my two kids, longing for me so much, my heart was bleeding.
I became sad, and guilty again. I knew they are totally dependant on me and that there are so many people who love me and need my light to go into the right direction.
But my pain was stronger...
I desperately wanted to be there, with her, in the place where I was just HAPPY.
She went away with the sweet, warm breeze, not looking behind...
I felt in my heart: "Go, just go and follow your heart, always. I love you, forever".
I was back in my body. Angry, sad, hurt.
People were coming, talking, doing things to me, but I was just there, in MY PAIN, down as much as you only can fall, not able to integrate with this reality.
My feelings and thoughts wanted to reach the place and the beautiful being again... I felt so good there.
I was able to go there again, I saw the fields and the sky, but she was not there anymore.
The messenger of love was GONE.
I got a call from my father. His voice was shaking, he is an empath and he knew that until I will not get a strong shock, I will be stuck in darkness.
He told me one sentence, that immediately caused A SHIFT in my consciousness. The phoenix was waking up in the ashes.
I decided it is time to rise.
Within few hours my health improved so much that doctors said I can leave hospital the very next day.
I had a new purpose in life, new goal to achieve, new sense.
I felt WORTHY OF LIVING. I decided that I AM WORTHY OF LOVE, I deserve all the best, it is time for ME TO BE HAPPY.
Enough of sacrifice and pain.
The new journey started that day. The journey within. A beautiful path of self discovery.
It was high time to know who I really am.
Finally.
