Do you ever feel like:
To a question, will always subconsciously think over and over again, that is often said“Think too much”;
It's easy to get burned out, especially if you're going through a hectic activity, such as partying with lots of new friends;
Emotional ups and downs are very big, a lot of other people in the eyes of the little things, will cause a huge fluctuation in your mood;
The fear of getting out of control of your daily life, such as meeting new people or trying something you haven't done before, can make you feel stressed
The extreme need for quiet environment, very resistant to the need to respond quickly to the outside world;
Empathy is so strong and empathetic that it is often the object of conversation...
……
If you read the above and your inner monologue is“This is who I am,” then we are probably the same kind of people.
Because I've had a lot of these problems myself.
I am not used to face-to-face conversation with people, do not like the phone, and even one-on-one wechat chat will feel very tired. So I usually communicate with partners are: Please leave me a message, do not call, I will give you a reply message.
As a result, I often get called“No one”
I'm not used to meeting strange friends either. In the past few years, every invitation to meet her had been pushed as often as she could. Sometimes, when she was forced to meet some business partners, she had to mentally prepare herself in advance to relieve the pressure.
Every time I go to a party or dinner, I'm always the quietest one around. It's not that I don't want to fit in, it's just that I'm really tired and I don't want to talk and I just want to be quiet.
If you have had this experience, I think you will understand me very much.
Many people may find these performances“Pretentious”, even“Arrogant”, “Selfish” and“Impersonal”-but in reality, only those who have actually experienced such feelings, to feel the burden and the struggle behind it:
It's not that we don't want to be“Like everyone else,” but it's really hard.
That's no excuse.
In 1997, psychologist Elaine N. Aron and Arthur Aron argue that there is indeed a group of people who are more subtle, sensitive and vulnerable than others. They call this group the Highly Sensitive Person (HSP) .
A series of studies suggest that about 20 percent of the population is“Highly sensitive.”. In order to integrate themselves well into the social environment, they usually need to bear a greater psychological burden and efforts than others.
So what exactly is“Highly sensitive”?
In their original definition, the arons proposed that“Highly sensitive” refers to a group of people who are highly sensitive to both internal and external stimuli and are particularly susceptible to being overwhelmed by emotions.
For example, small things (like making a phone call, talking to a stranger, etc.) may not cause any emotional disturbance for the average person, but for highly sensitive people, they can upset their expectations, it causes huge mood swings and makes them feel extremely tired.
Later, in a study published in 2010, the Arons proposed a new standard, called the“DOES” standard, which includes deep rumination, stimulus overload, emotional response, and detailed perception.
Put simply:
Highly sensitive people are able to perceive very subtle stimuli, and at the same time, they tend to go deep into Lenovo and process any stimulus, which leads to an emotional response, no matter how small, the resulting“Stimulus overload”.
For example: in the Department of wechat Group Chat, someone inadvertently said you a sentence: “So-and-so, why are you always so tardy.”.
The average person might read it, not take it to heart, or even notice it-but for highly sensitive people, it's easy to react like this:
Detail Awareness: Hey, what does this guy mean when he says I'm procrastinating?
Deep rumination: What does she mean? Did Something Happen to me that upset her?
Emotional Response: Alas, are in a department, not to see the head, after a lot of cooperation also how to Do?
Stimulus overload: So Annoying, life is so dark...
So, why do highly sensitive people need to bear a greater psychological burden? This is because: many things that are trivial to the average person, to the highly sensitive person, have to work hard to adjust themselves, adapt to their own, in order to appear on the surface to be“Calm.”.
In layman's terms, this might be called“Inner drama.”.
That's why so many highly sensitive people have“Social phobia”-who can socialize happily under such pressure and psychological burden?
But don't be too hard on them. They don't want to be.
Why do you say that? Because, highly sensitive this characteristic, does have its physiological factor.
There are many studies that show that the brains of highly sensitive people do differ from those of the average person.
For example: neuroscientist Bianca P. Acevedo's findings (Acevedo et al. , 2014,2018) : in highly sensitive people, brain regions involved in consciousness, sensory information integration, empathy, and social relationships are more active.
A 2011 study (Chen Chunhui e t al. , 2011) found that the dopamine modulation and receptor systems of highly sensitive individuals are significantly different from those of the general population.
A 2019 study (Assary et al. , 2019) found that high sensitivity is a heritable trait with a degree of heritability.
……
And so on.
Overall, there are four broad categories of brain differences in highly sensitive people:
1) the exogenous dopamine reward system is weaker.
When we interact positively with the outside world, dopamine levels rise, which pushes us to integrate more actively into society. But for highly sensitive people, this dopamine reward from the outside world is weaker, making them less likely to get social feedback.
On the other hand, this also makes most highly sensitive people, when receiving a lot of fresh stimulation, often can not be attracted and interference, but remain deliberate.
2) more active Mirror neuron.
What's a Mirror neuron? In simple terms, it refers to a type of neuron in the brain: When you see someone else's state, they activate synchronously, giving you similar feelings.
For example, when you see someone cut or bleeding from a knife, you feel as if you are bleeding. There is a mental pain -- that's what Mirror neuron does.
Highly sensitive people tend to be more Mirror neuron, which makes them more likely to “Empathize” with others.
3) vmPFC was more active.
The vmPFC, also known as the ventromedial prefrontal cortex, is closely linked to the area of the brain involved in the integration of emotional and sensory information, affecting your“Emotional response” to external events.
Simply put, when highly sensitive people are exposed to information from the outside world, they are more likely to relate it to their own past experiences and thus experience a stronger“Inner feeling.”.
For example, this is the reason why people who are highly sensitive to the same statements may experience huge psychological swings from Lenovo to their own past experiences of embarrassment and failure.
4) a more active social system.
Bianca P. Many of Acevedo's studies have found that the brains of highly sensitive people are more active in areas involved in self-awareness and social relationships.
(so, what is it about extroverts who are highly sensitive?) It's that they get less feedback from social interactions, have more mood swings, and are more bored when they're alone.
How powerful is that...)
In turn, there is another personality trait that must be distinguished from high sensitivity: implicit narcissism.
What is recessive narcissism? It is a heterogeneous self-esteem. The recessive narcissist, often thinks highly of oneself, but at the same time the heart is also very fragile.
They crave the approval and affirmation of others, and when questioned and denied, they can be aggressive.
Put simply, highly sensitive people tend to attribute negative information to introversion, which often leads to self-denial, self-doubt, and, most commonly, impersonation syndrome.
For example: When people say bad things about themselves, highly sensitive people tend to“Look inside” and question themselves, “Am I really not doing a good job? "
In the long run, even if they have achieved a certain degree of success, there will be a vague feeling in my heart:
That I don't seem to deserve... ? ... Do I really deserve it? Will I be exposed?
1. Flexible mindset
This is a model that I admire very much, and it really helps me a lot.
What's a flexible mind-set? In a nutshell: As we grow up, we are instilled and shaped by many beliefs that shape a set of rules about how the world works.
For example:
To leave a good impression on others, so as to gain the goodwill and trust of others;
To maintain their own image, try not to make a fool of yourself or do something wrong, otherwise it will be ridiculed;
I can not“Lose” to others, can not let oneself lose face, otherwise will be despised;
You Can't say no to someone, or you risk being disliked...
And so on. Under the restrictions and restraints imposed on us by these rules, we will have a hard time living. I can't help but compare my performance and results to these rules: am I doing well, am I doing well? Did I break that rule? And the other one?
This is one of the reasons why many people live in fear and stress every day.
The“Flexible mindset” is a mindset where we throw away these so-called“Rules” and see life as a game of getting to the next level. We only focus on two things:
1) have I grown, have I made myself better, even a little?
2) have I acted against my conscience, boundaries and principles?
Beyond that, all can be temporarily ignored, are not“Insurmountable.”.
For example:
Why does it have to be“Perfect”? Can I have my own unique style, quirks, habits?
Why do I have to live up to other people's expectations and assumptions? Can I have my own direction and lifestyle?
Why do I have to“Make a good impression”? This is me, you may not like, not adapt, but you can accept it?
……
Here's an example: you may have social anxiety, because you're clumsy in front of others -- you're afraid of making a bad impression, and you're afraid to interact with strangers.
But: who says one has to be“Not clumsy”? Does it matter? Does it lead to serious misunderstandings about you? If not, why not accept that“This is who I am” and let others accept it?
If you can apply this mindset well, you will find that a lot of stress and trouble, in fact, are self-trouble.
Its essence is to help you raise your own threshold, reduce the impact of all internal and external stimuli on you, so that you can stay in a better state, to truly“Be yourself.”.
2. Store your energy reserves
Highly sensitive people, who often suffer from mood swings, are prone to emotional overload and fatigue, feeling like they don't want to do anything and aren't motivated to do anything.
At this point, you need some positive motivation and feedback to help you regain momentum and status.
As it happens, highly sensitive people also have a trait: because their inferior frontal gyrus is more active, they have a greater response to information related to positive emotions.
In short, for highly sensitive people, it's easy to get upset, frustrated, and frustrated by a little thing, but at the same time, a little happiness is enough to get them excited, feel Life suddenly shot into a ray of sunshine.
Therefore, from the storage of some more happiness in life, that is, their energy storehouse, it is very necessary.
What is an energy chamber? I would divide a person's sources of energy into three categories:
1) skill and achievement play and feedback.
For example, at work, completed a difficult task, the boss, the recognition of customers; to help a colleague a favor, get colleagues praise and gratitude. And so on.
2) effective and close social interaction
For example: two or three friends who can talk about their troubles; a circle of friends who can make new friends who are like-minded. And so on.
3) mental activity that produces a sense of pleasure
For example: reading novels, watching movies, playing games, shopping, visiting stores, outdoor sports... ... and so on.
Usually can pay more attention, from these channels to store some more happiness, a continuous source for their own sense of identity, sense of value and freshness.