This week in "The Games of the Throne": impossible encounters. Fulfilling fantasies , Characters who for all seasons have behaved as though they are in several separate series, and have never met - except on the red carpet - suddenly meet and chat as though nothing special. Yara / Alaria! Sam/Jora! Daenerys in one room with Olena, Aleria, Tirion, and Melisande over there too! Missandei and grey worm are finally realizing their love! And next week, promises us, Daenerys meets John! Mercy on our vibrating hearts, not sure we will stand all this. If all this business was also written in a highest standard or even have an epic sentence or two worth quoting.. that could be perfect, but i guess you can't have it all..
It begins when Daenerys learns for the first time-from Melisande-about the very existence of John Snow. Let us dwell a second on the fact that "games of thrones" is a series in which, for six out of eight seasons, two of the main characters not only did not meet, but didn't even hear of each other. Melisande, who once assured Stanis that he was the promised prince and then to John, now hints the same to Dannie - since it turns out that the grammatical translation was actually "the promised prince/ss" and who the fuck are we to decide who can or can't be a prince in this show?
some information is also streamed to Jon, after a small infantile quiz on Davos's side that treats jon like a dumb kid: "Fire kills white walkers, what blows a fire?" John responds with a stare that looks like he's going to answer "Ahhh ... horses? Rhinos? Helicopters! can i have a hint?". John leaves the north to Sansa (who is in any case the legit heir, so why did not this happen sooner), threatening to strangle Littlefinger if he touches his sister and goes south. It is worth noting that John and Daenerys know about each other now, but still do not know that she is actually his aunt. So when they meet, if possible, spare us the unnecessary romance, because we already had enough incest with the Lannisters.
Also: Weiss and Benioff, we know that killing our favorite characters is exactly your thing and that's what you are doing all the time. For my part, kill John again, kill Daenerys , even take out Tirion, but if you put a finger on Liana Mormont you'll end up like Thion with Ramsay Bolton. got it?!
Cersei recruits her supporters against Daenerys, with arguments that are... well, quite logical!: "Wild Dothrakes who will burn your villages and rape and enslave your wives, and slay your children without a second thought." This, in truth, is quite accurate. That's what the Dothrakes are doing in war. Daenerys may be a fair ruler, but it is not that all the Dothrakes that follow her have suddenly become a bunch of aristocrats with polite good manners. Westrose's overtake by the Dothrakes is not going to be pleasant or civilized, and what will Daenerys do with them after the war? Put them in kings landing and ask them to behave?
Another issue that comes up with Cersei: What can you do about the dragons, which look like Doomsday weapons? Cersei, in response: "We're working on it". Qyborn - who turns out to be Cersei's Alfred, one who builds her weapons and zombies, an intelligence center and a designer for her wardrobe - shows her the prototype of his amazing defense system, an anti dragon "Iron Dome"...well, a large, but quite standard bow-gun, in fact... WTF ?? this is what the best experts in kings landing were able to produce after all this time ?... come on Qyborn! , we also saw the "hobbit" movie. anyway, as for interior design, fuck that iron throne, i want Balerion's skull !!
Jamie talks in Randall Tarley to join him, and for a moment there it seems that the show will present us with a new main character (remember, in the early seasons, when it happened eight times per episode?) But no, we actually know this one already. Randall Tarley, probably the new Chief of staff, is Sam Tarley's father, and a serious jerk. It fits for him to join Cersei, and lets hope that Sam will wave the chance to meet him, and maybe stick him with that magnificent Valirian steel sword of his.
Daenerys is actually aware, to a certain extent, of the problematic nature of attacking the king's landing with Dotraki, and of that "hole in the plot" that many fans noticed at the end of the previous season. At the moment she is actually too strong and can conquer Westrose without a problem in half a chapter! and then what? what the fuck are we supposed to do the rest of the season, Cooking tutorials with hot-pie? In the most awkward council scene ever seen, she explains with great reason that she does not want to be the queen of a pile of ashes, and therefore the kings landing will be conquered by a Westerosi force, while the unsolid will ascend Casterly rock (and where the fuck are the Dotraki ?
It's nice to see that Daenerys's coalition includes four women, a dwarf and a eunuch. Across from them: Queen Cercei. In the north: Sansa. OMG, there is not even one straight-tall-white-handsome man among the currently active Westrose rulers, though John will probably change this situation soon.
More at Dragonston, a development in one of the continuing and less interesting lines of the series: Missandei and grey worm. We have already agreed that they are into each other, and now, at last, they are realizing their love, as far as possible.. you know, with expected limitations. As you know, gray worm went through some chop chop at his childhood that was supposed to leave him out of taking an active part in standard sex scenes, yet he developed love and passion for Missandei. It turns out that despite the stormy and cold weather, both of them were fortunately wearing only one, quick to remove layer, how convenient , and yet - we didn't get grey worms full front view, so in fact we have not yet received an answer ... (yes here it comes again) does his grey worm has two balloons? does he have the two meat balls and a noodle? does his snowman consist of two ball and a carrot?
Now, it's time for our video editing lesson with Samwell Tarley - how to get the audience to vomit with cut. Last week we learned how effective a montage can create an analogy between porridge and shit. "That was the most repulsive thing we've seen," the audience said. "Wait a minute," said the creators of the series, and produced the most disgusting cut ever between picking up at Jora and a soup. Aside from trying to cure Jura, Sam also hears some advice about writing history - you need to be precise, but you also need style. His Meister asks if he can suggest a more "poetic"name for his book "The history of the wars following the death of King Robert"...Not that hard. obviously a book of Westrose should be called "dance of lions and wolves." No, actually "a poem about a summer goes away and winter is coming." No, I have better: "A song of hope and revenge." In fact, the best thing is to call it "a song of ice and fire".... and divide it into seven volumes, publish them in ascending increments of time, and the last two volumes never be published, but all the while hinting that the sixth is going to arrive within a few months, an Year max.
Arya goes through the chapter with happy reunions with characters whom she has not met in many seasons. Hot-Pye arrives and exchanges some pies recipes with her (Arya did "one or two" of them as well, with some Freys included). A little later, she meets Neemiria, a character who recently have been seen in episode 2 of the first season (!!!). And speaking of the first season, the creators of the series are building on the fact that we must remember it by heart, according to the amount of citations and gestures to it that appear in this chapter. Among other things, Arya's surprising sentence at the end of the scene - "It's not you" caused many people to wounder ...Is it not Neemiria? So who the fuck is it, another wolf?? In fact, Aryeh quotes herself here - when she was little, and Father Ned told her how she would be a respectable lady and would raise a lot of nice children, she replied, "No, it's not me." meaning "it's not you" - it's not your character to be a pet dog, you have to run with the band. Sure, we all understood it right away, because who of us doesn't remembers Chapter 3 of the first season by heart.
And now lets take a look where went the budget of this chapter. Several giant fleets of ships have been moving between Dragonstone and King Maale in the last few chapters, miraculously they have never met, until now. Yara and Valeria discover they have a lot in common - they both like to sleep with men and with women! - and decide it's reason enough to invade each other's pants, but before we break into an irrelevant sex scene comes the annoying Uncle Yuron, who looks like Jack Sparrow as played by Nicolas Cage, and destroys the party. Fire on the water, smoke in the sky, slitting throats and swords! now a quick question ...How the fuck do Yuron's Greyjoys know to distinguish themselves from Yarra's Garegos? They look and dress exactly the same, and besides, it's dark and smoky there. How do they know who to spear and who to save? During the battle, the most anticipated death in the history of the series takes place, with two of the sand snakes - unnecessary and unpopular characters that the series accidentally created and did not know what to do with - finished! the only question here is why it didn't happen earlier, and why they left one alive. Yara and Valeria are taken prisoner and Thion is a looser as usual.
Dead characters: 2/3 of the sand snakes. Yara and Alaria are not doing so good as well, but as far as we know both are still alive.
Missing characters: Bran. Last week Bran came to the wall, and all sorts of speculations developed about the meaning of this event, but in the meantime nothing happened. Besides, John gets all these ravens from all the edges of Westrose, and still not even bloody one from the wall - his relatively close neighbors -that can inform him " Hey, FYI your bothered is here well and alive" John's ability to miss information is reminiscent of the puzzling way in which Arya managed to walk around Westrose for weeks without hearing the news that John had recaptured Winterfell from the Boltons. They say that nothing moves faster than bad news, but there is no doubt that nothing moves slower than good news about Starks moving to another starks!
Irrelevant Nudity : I am completely ok with the scene of Missandei and Gray Worm, and only wonder does grey worm's stereo speakers have a sub-woofer?
Best Scene: The entrance of Yoron Graigoy, What a Rock Star!
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