Sex is Important

Has it been a while since you last got some sexual action. A few weeks, months, years? It’s normal to go through a dry spell, and that could be down to business, not in the mood for genital on genital action, or struggling to find someone who you find sexually attractive (and who also finds you sexually attractive). But when you get to that point where you honestly can’t remember what it feels like to have your bum touched, it’s easy to slip into panic mode.

What will happen if you don’t have sex for a while? Will you forget how to do it? Will your vagina shrivel up and die? The truth is that a sex drought does have an impact on your mental, physical, and sexual state – but it’s not as bad as you think at 2am right before a desperate Tinder session to find someone, anyone, to remind you what skin on skin contact feels like. Let’s look at the physical side of things first. No, your vagina will not shrivel up and die. Your penis will not explode out of repressed lust. You also won’t be reborn a virgin, and your vagina will not magically tighten due to a lack of sex. Most of the physical results are down to the power of orgasms to reduce stress. When you stop having orgasms, cortisol levels rise, which can lead to issues including headaches, lowered immune system, and feelings of stress and anxiety. That means that if you’re still masturbating to the point of orgasm, you’ll avoid those issues. Orgasms are what pose the health benefit, not penetrative sex specifically.

Your sex drive will decrease as time goes on due to the drop in hormones, too, and it can be difficult to return to your usual horniness levels when you start having sex again.

Now, on to the mental and emotional bit. Going through a sex drought can feel shitty, especially if you’re not abstaining from sex by choice. Those higher levels of stress we mentioned will come to the fore, and those having a dry spell may find themselves more sad, tired, and irritable. Having sex produces lots of oxytocin, serotonin, endorphins, and keeps you in the now, the present moment. It makes you happier, more confident, and smarter. This isn’t only down to the physical act of genitals together, but the emotional connection we feel when having sex with someone we're attracted to. As far as I know no one has died from abstaining from sex. But people have died from a lack of emotional and psychological connection. Having sex with someone with whom you have such a connection is really good for you. Having skin-on-skin contact is a really good way of connecting emotionally as it echoes the contact we received when we were smaller. A stroke of a cheek or hand from someone who cares about us or loves us is one of the best free medicines on this planet.

Not having sex for a while can leave us feeling disconnected, isolated, and lonely, which isn’t ideal while our stress levels rise and our immune function drops. The answer isn’t a quick shag with someone we don’t particularly feel attracted to just to take the edge off. We need that human connection to get all the mental and emotional benefits of sex. Some people have sex to temporarily lift a low self-esteem or to make them feel important for 20 minutes. What a shit way to live. Abstaining from sex, at least while working out what you makes you tick is psychologically preferable to behaving like this. So if the cure for the negative emotions of a sex drought isn’t a quick shag, then what is it? Not all of us can – or should – quickly sort out an emotionally fulfilling relationship to fix the sex drought issue. Getting a partner just so you don’t feel rubbish doesn’t seem particularly healthy or kind. What can you do to keep yourself going when you know a sex drought is likely to last longer, but a relationship isn’t an option? First off, masturbate. You can get all the physical benefits of an orgasm without the presence of another human being. Then focus your sexual energy on something else you care about. This one’s a bit trickier than having a wank, but it’s worthwhile!

A person who decides not to have sex, but instead focuses their energies on setting up a business or pursuing an artistic venture is going to be much less perturbed than someone who wants to have sex but can’t. Either focus your sexual feelings brought on by a sexual drought into something else that interests you or are passionate about, or work on your confidence and neediness issues and then emerge as a more attractive person both psychologically and sexually, if that’s what you want.