Are all narcissists sex addicts
While this proverb is used by those who has no moral limitations to how they choose to carry out their plans, as long as they will have their goals met eventually, narcissists most likely, sex only comes as just one of these MEANS!
First of all, let us talk about sex.
Sex is initially a reproduction method for too many species, humans included, most of these species have sex peak cycles when they produce certain hormones or chemicals to create the appeal for sex and attract the other gender to initiate the cycles, cats for example.
For humans, sex is also the reproduction tool, but is also a need to fulfill, for us it is like air and food, we can’t live without it, we need to fullfil it to carry on with our lives, more importantly it is a major source of happiness and euphoria for us, through endorphines and other chemicals that are produced during the process to create pleasure and satisfaction. Normal people usually feel happiness and comfort after having sex, because for us humans, sex is more of an intimate sensual process that involves too many organs, not only the reproductive system, but also the nervous syslem, the mascular system and the endocrine system.
For us humans, foreplay, eye contact, breath sounds and moans, how you use your hands and legs, how you use your mouth, your tongue in sexy acts, talks, and kisses, different sex positions and using tools and ways of fantasy, and more, all come in much greater importance than the act of erection and ejaculation themselves for the tense of happiness and euphoria felt during sex, that is the reason why having an intimate sexual intercourse with your beloved partner is way more different that having a one night stand or a casual sex session with just any one other than your partner.
This is why it is called “love making”, and this maybe the cause why masturbation, one night stands, and causual sex never feel like love sex, and why most of those who practice these types of sex feel guilt or frustration afterwards, dissatisfaction, or at least not feeling the ultimate pleasure of sex.
So the bottomline is that for us humans sex appeal is created in our own hearts and minds, then emerge through many different senses and organs, before it is reflected on our sex organs.
Now back to the narcissist headache!
Narcissists tend to use others and things for their own good, so unlike normal people who have sex for pleasure, sex for narcissists is just one of the too many tools they use to manipulate their partners and take advantage of them. In fact, sex in a narcissistic relationship comes in two different phases:
1- The initial idealization and love bombing phase:
The ultimate desire phase.
You are then their fantasy, they are so excited about you, so high for how you make them special and how you make them feel about themselves, you are their drug, their source of euphoria and pleasure. Sex will be awesome, mind blowing, you will feel great for how much they desire you, and how much they make you feel, you will feel like a sex beast, it is like “OMG! I never though I am that much good”! You will fall in love with them even more, and you will think of how great partners they are! They just give you what you want, and making you feel and think that yoi are giving them even more than they could have imagined, so you will just keep on the giving, and after this phase reaches its peak, it will gradually start declining, and you will feel it, so you will subconsciously try harder to reach the peak again and again, but sadly, you can not help it, you can’t stop it from declining, they are then losing their interest and you can smell it, but you will convince yourself that you got this and can handle it. Only then, the gaslight and abuse start, and they start to show their true face.
So basically, during this phase, you are just being used, sex is just being used, only a mean to fullfil their temporary needs, an episode in the series of narcissism. And regardless of how long this phase may take, how much pleasure you will feel all through, how perfect sex partner they will make you think you are, and how obssessed the express over having sex with you, this phase will sooner or later come to an end though, and with it frustration and depression will come as well.
So here sex is the object, but you are not the subject, their sole pleasure, and satisfaction of ONLY their present need are the subjects!
Now we get to where we stared: Sex is no more or less than just a mean to an aim.
2-The gaslight and abuse phase:
The true face phase.
Now they are bored, they got used to you, the dose is no longer enough, even increasing the dose almost doesn’t get the as high as they used to, or as they desire. On the other side, as I mentioned you are trying harder, you have no problem increasing the dose, and sadly you are addicted yourself, your love and affection for them grew deeper, you just want them! But they don’t! Now what’s wrong? Why are they not interested anymore? Where have the sex beast gone? Actually It has never gone anywhere, because it has never been there from the beginning! They made you live the illusion, got you so high, and now they are just letting you fall down to hit rock bottom, and get back to reality and ugly truths! Truths that will sadly and most probably will not realize until it is too late!
So similar to the previous phase, when sex was only a mean for meeting their selfish needs, it is almost the same, buth with this need gone and faded, the odds are now way more different:
A) For them, according to their narcissistic minds, delusional odds are:
Their need and desire are met, and faded, most importantly.
They got bored of you.
You are not ideal as they thought, just a normal human being, even less of normal, weak, useless, and demanding for no reason! (yes, they used to give you what you wanted, but now you are not in a position to do so, according to them!)
You are pushy, picky, and annoying, according them.
B) For you, according to your empathic minds, the real facts are:
Your love and affection for them naturally got stronger.
Your desire for them consequently grew stronger.
You can sense it when sombody loses their interest in you, you don’t need too much evidence or time to sense it, and it hurts.
You are trying your best to restore this desire, but no results.
Their gaslight and silent treatment kills you even more, for how much you used to be treated like you were one of your kind, and now you are just being undesired, and devalued.
Your self confidence and esteem start to get low, due to both the feeling of being no more desired, and the humiliation of looking for answers, trying harder, yet basically going no where, neglected, and ignored.
With all these new odds, the equation now becomes entirely different for them, I mean yes, sometimes they will feel the need to ejaculate!, only then they will give tiny bits of what you annoyingly -according to their twisted minds of course- asking for and trying to achieve, it will be cold, weird, and you may even feel disguise for how senseless it becomes, it will feel like sleeping with a pillow! and by time you may stop even asking for it or give it tries, you would reach a point when you prefer masturbation over sleeping with them!
Now, what is sex is all about during this phase?
This phase is looks like eternal hell, it most probably lasts till the discard, during this phase sex purposes, plainly and simply, are:
Your craving and affection for them give them the boosts they need for their hollow self worth and esteem, wether they decide to respond or not.
You empathically looking for answers and ways to figure this illusional dilemma, again gives them more boosts to their hollw self esteem.
The feeling of being important and desired give them a fake sense of superiority and power, this also gives them more boosts.
Gaslighting you to try harder, deliberately watching you tormented during the procees gives them the ultimate pleasure.
Secretly, without you or anyone can notice, they use sex to manipulate and blackmail you to give them more and more, granting all their wishes and desires, with no price to be paid from their side, moreover, and no matter how hard you try, you will be gaslighted to feel not enough, and all your efforts will not get you anywhere! This feels great for them!
Even if you felt you are being used, and you are denied your basic needs, you can’t help it, and you can’t prove it, and can’t make anyone understand it, and you will manipulate yourself and get manipulated by them to try harder and accept to be invisible.
So again, and more brutally, sex is just a mean, a tool, to their narcissistic aims.
Sex is and object, and agian you are not the subject, in fact you will never be, their evlish narcissistic needs of gasligh, abuse, and sucking life out of you, are the subjects!
Now I will end where I started:
For narcissits, Aims justify means.
Sex is just a mean to what they aim, period.
Oh, it is longer than I though! Thank you for making it down till here.