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The sister walked in to ask if I will be willing to take more patients. I told her that my mood has run foul a bit.
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I walked up to my colleague’s clinic and pleaded he takes on my remaining three patients as I seek to own my thoughts.
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“What could be wrong, Uche?...” She queried. “…could it be in relation to the last patient and the father that just left...” I gave a forced smile and nodded in affirmation.
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She also shook her head with a feeling of despair and gently left my clinic. She shut the door as I pleaded and turned the sign to read “Clinic Closed”.
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I quickly drew open my stationary cabinet, pulled out a note pad and penned thus:
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My Child,
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I am sorry I will not be coming home early today. It seems we may not have our normal evening rituals – the kisses and hugs and a barrage of questions and complaints that spice them up.
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You may be fast asleep before I get home and tomorrow morning may see you waking without seeing me.
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I have taken time to write. Please take time to read this. Keep this wisdom of my father for the children of your sons.
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To be honest, I was terrified a bit by what I saw in the clinic today. That man’s child could have been you or any of your siblings. That you seem luckier today doesn’t make you better. Rather, this information would.
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Before your next sex, I want you to realise that I, your father, am pro-choice. Pro-choice because I believe it is within anyone’s right/choice to get or not get pregnant.
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Unlike many, I do not believe that this choice extends to choosing to halt or end another life – no matter the stage of development – to validate their own choice.
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Throughout my life as a physician, I have been faced with very hard choices to end a life to grant the other the choice of life.
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Even in very hard and complicated instances, I have made the hard choice of pushing for life once it can be sustained.
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So, before your next sex, ask your partner if s/he is ready to be a mum or dad. If yes, then you may succumb but after other things I will tell you later.
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If no, please can you both sit down, have a discussion and teach yourselves about very simple natural things like menstrual cycles?
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It hurts me daily to see grown up ladies in my clinic, who have menstruated for almost a decade, yet unsure of either their cycle length or other lengthier issues around that.
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Men are even worse because they feel it doesn’t concern them. Yet, they will be quick to blame the ladies when things go south, forgetting they all share in this.
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You may think it’s too early to tell you all these. May be, it is. All the same, I must. I owe you this first, as your father, then as a healthcare professional.
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Menstrual cycles start with the bleeding (period) and is the time between one period and the other. Let us call the first day that menses starts Day 1.
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Females have different cycle lengths. This can be from 21 to 35 days. On the average, some women have 28 days.
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The flow (period) can also last from 2 to 7 days. This also varies for different ladies as no two ladies are exactly the same.
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Can you start marking these dates in your calendar? Be you a male or female, these dates are important for couples – legal or social.
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Let me use your mother to give you an example. She has a regular 30-day cycle length.
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I knew this because we took dates of all the first days of her periods for almost a year, and calculated the number of days in between them. We then took the average of these dates to arrive at 30.
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Knowing this has made us to understand what is normal for her, when she is ovulating (releasing eggs), when there are changes in her system like missing periods, being pregnant or having an abnormal bleeding. It also made us to know when to plan to have a child, and to (an extent) determine the sex of the child.
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I will tell you more on the latter when you get married. My father did so to have the six of us – 3 boys and 3 girls, born alternately. I have also tried this for you and your siblings.
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Back to your mother, with a cycle length of 30 days, we calculated that she must ovulate on Day 16.
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Let me tell you how we arrived at this, the cycle length of a lady is divided into 2 parts.
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The first part is from day 1 of the period to ovulation day. The second part is from ovulation to the next coming menses.
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The second part is always constant, usually 14 days. So, once a lady ovulates, the next period will come 14 days after.
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The first part is the one that changes or varies for even the same person.
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So, if your cycle length is 28 days, both parts will be equal (14 days each), if 29 days (1st – 15 days vs 2nd – 14 days) or if 30 days like your mother, then 1st – 16 days vs. 2nd – 14 days.
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Simply minus 14 from cycle length and you will get a fair idea of your ovulation date.
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Ovulation day is your most fertile day. The chances of pregnancy are greatest because the egg (ovum) is released on this day.
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The ovum normally lives 12 to 48 hours before they die off. The sperms would rather stay longer for 3 days (even up to 5 to 7 days in the right condition) before dying off.
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So any sex had 2 to 3 days within the period of ovulation may lead to pregnancy. This period is your fertile or unsafe period.
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Your mother and I avoid touring the local government this period unless we are ready to give you more siblings.
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Is there any safe period? You may wonder. Oh Yes! There is.
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The safe period should naturally be from the day your period stops till about 3 days before and after ovulation; and the days after before the next period comes.
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For your mother, it is from Day 4 (since her menses lasts for 3 days) to Day 12. We go on break from Day 13 to Day 19 (imagine 7 whole days) before we resume from Day 20 to Day 30.
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We have more days to tour the local government than not. So fret not. Time is in your hands once you know how best to manage and redeem it.
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I have written you these so that you can understand the grief that greets my heart whenever children of your age walk into my clinic with their partners and/or parents to seek abortion.
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I will be honest. My grief is double – first at their choice, second as what they make of it. It is never an easy decision for my colleagues either – be they Holy Moses or Evil Spirit.
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So before your next sex, make sure you all are aware of how to draw a menstrual cycle.
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In this letter, I have tried to guide you to answer the question: Before your next sex, “Are you ready to be a parent?”
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When you are done reading and reflected on this, your mother will give you the other letter on “Are you ready to be a parent with this spouse?”
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Till then, my child, it has been so long a letter (apologies to the Senegalese author, Mariama Ba).
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I will wait to watch how this pans out with you.
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Your father,
uche
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My name is Uche Anyanwagu. Before my next sex...
This is the 24th in a series of short stories on “Medical Myths - Tales by Doctors”
_______________________________________________Don’t seek my permission, feel free to share. #copied from facebook.com