William Shatner Looks Constipated and Avery Brooks is a Cool Guy

This is a terrible picture of William Shatner and me. It was taken when I got to meet him a few years ago. And like everything there's a story to go along with it.

It was at DragonCon in Atlanta GA. I try to go every year. For those of you that aren't familiar with DragonCon, it's difficult to describe. It's like getting 70,000 of your closest friends together to have a 4 day party. That's an extreme over simplification, but it gives you a rough idea of the atmosphere surrounding the convention.

But I digress. I've been a Star Trek fan pretty much all my life and when I found out that "The Shat" was going to be at my favorite convention I decided that I had to get my picture with him and get his autograph. So, I disgorged a ridiculous amount of money and stood in line and got my picture with the man himself.

I was elated. Walking on air, as it were. Then I went to pick up my picture... Did Bill have hemorrhoids? Did he need to make a poo? Or maybe it was me. I admit I'm a big guy and Mr. Shatner is getting up in years. Maybe he was afraid I was going to try to pick him up or something. Then I looked at the pictures of all the other people that had gotten their pictures with him. Mine was bad, but sweet Jesus some of the others were bad bad.

Then I heard that he had cancelled his autograph session that day and another photo op. I asked around and was told that Mr. Shatner wasn't feeling well.

"Holy shit! He's had a stroke." Was the first thing that went through my mind. Could there be any other explanation? Just look at the picture. Does that look like a healthy man to you?

Holy shit! He's had a stroke. - Me

Turns out he didn't have a stroke. Maybe a bad burrito and jet lag, but no stroke.

The next morning his autograph session was back on and I stood in line waiting for him to appear rehearsing what I was going to say to set me apart from the throng of fans that would be inundating him with ridiculous platitudes, when from behind me I hear a familiar voice carry over the crowd. "Where's Bill coming in? I want to surprise him."

I turn to see Avery Brooks, the man that played Captain Benjamin Sisko on Star Trek: Deep Space Nine, standing about 3 feet from me. Without thinking I pointed to one of the hidden doors that they use to shuffle the start around and said, "He'll be coming in through there, Sir."

Where's Bill...? I want to surprise him. - Avery Brooks

"Damn, where can I hide? He'll be able to see me"

Every bit of nervousness I felt disappeared. "Just hide behind us."

"How will I know when he comes in?"

"We'll signal you. Don't worry about it, brother." As soon as the words left my mouth I thought, "You just called Avery Brooks 'brother.' Are you a moron?"

"Cool." If me calling him brother bothered him, he didn't show it. Classy guy. He and his handler (stars always have handlers at conventions) walked over behind the crowd. The handler grabbed a chair and Mr. Brooks sat.

Within seconds Bill Shatner walks through the door. Everyone starts cheering. I look at Mr. Brooks and he's staring right at me.

"He's waiting on me to give him stage directions." I thought. I looked at him and gave him the nod.

Mr. Brooks popped up and rolled around the crowd. Mr. Shatner was surprised. They exchanged a few obligatory "You old so-and-so"s and light hearted insults. Mr. Brooks left after a couple of minutes and gave me a wave.

It was pretty awesome.

I waited in line with the rest of the throng thinking about what I was going to say to Shatner. I decided to tell him about the theater group I was a part of and how we performed live parodies of Star Trek: The Original Series and gave all the proceeds to charity. I convinced myself that would embed me indelibly in him mind for all time.

My turn came and I said something about how I was glad he was feeling better and told him about my theater group.

His response? "Oh, how nice."

Yup. Nailed it. I guess I was fooling myself, but he actually seemed halfway genuine. I hope that if I ever become as famous as Bill Shatner and live as long that I'm half as gracious.

Oh, how nice. - William Shatner

In summation. William Shatner is a nice man and Avery Brooks is cool as hell.