Is it me? Or have I had too much coffee? Seems to me like caffeine has taken over my higher self. Is it just me? Or is Elizabeth just speaking slow, everything she says seems to have been modified for me not to understand a single word she is saying.
" I cant take you anymore, I cant take the things you do to me, I cant take all the pressure, the nags all the lies."
She said, and surprisingly, I understood that-and it hurt. She was at the last sip of the latte she had, I was at the bottom of my fifth americano, but I cant seem to have enough.
" you wanna get some air?"
I asked, handing her a cigarette. All I got was a nod and so we stood and went outside. Beth, as I always call her ,has never been a fan of coffee, she was a chain smoker, so she chooses cancer over sleepless nights. I've had my fair share of sleepless nights, and she's always been there to hand me a stick for a good night's doze.
" You should have just invited me for a stroll at the park with 3 boxes of cig, I would have appreciated that more, than a coffee date."
She said while getting rid of cigarette butts. I giggled, knowing the fact that she always hates coffee dates.
" yeah okay okay, but here We are, outside, cigs and I would say freah air but all we have here is smoke, so yeah."
I said and instantly she laughed. She shook her head and said
" you never fail to make me laugh ruth, and thats what I love about you."
I looked at her as she was just about to throw her third cig away-and smiled.
" will you miss me for that?"
I asked staring at her heavily. She turned her attention towards me and said
" Yes, I will." She said " Will you miss my smile? My laugh? My presence? My love?"
She added. I looked up to the sky, just to make sure I didn't see her reaction when I say
" I already miss them. Been a long time I haven't seen the smile I always wake up to, the laugh that keeps me up all night, your presence I always crave, and the love you said will never change, you promised me."
I couldn't see her reaction but I know that hit her hard.
" but, this is your fault. All your fault!"
She said poking me like I was some kind of stuffed teddy bear that had no feelings.
" How is this my fault? Tell me. How? When all this time, all I ever did was love you. Tell me, how is this my fault?"
I said - shaking. She stood there, frozen and speechless. I never wanted her to know my side, I didn't want to hurt her. But she pushed me way too far now.
" I tried so hard to keep that in, beth. However something in what you said made it spill. And I'm glad it went that way. You had to hear that, once and for all. I cant take you anymore, I cant take the things you do to me, I cant take all the pressure, the nags all the lies. I had all the love to give, but you chose to love yourself."
I said while she weeps.
" I'm sorry ruth, I didn't see it that way. Please I cant lose you now."
She said holding my hand begging me to stay. I slowly let go, and said
" You already lost me beth, and you did nothing to win me back."
I hugged her for the very last time, and went on my way.